


The Great American Motel

by radiantradish



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Drama, Garden Gnomes, Humor, M/M, Mutual Pining, Nobody Dies, Set in America, Slow Burn, Strangers to Lovers, What the hell is this story, cheating exes, homophobic parents, lots of language, middle of nowhere kansas, motel clerk suga, people may or may not get shot, sawamura daichi isn't a cop anymore, shotgun toting locals, some alcohol, the great american novel, these tags are a mess, who let me on this website
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-18
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:35:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 72,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28154709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/radiantradish/pseuds/radiantradish
Summary: Daichi Sawamura needs to escape; contents of his life in the back of his truck, he hits the road.Koushi Sugawara is stuck working overnight shifts at the motel, where the owner is stingy with the money, and all he wants is to just have the pool filled again and the respect he deserves.
Relationships: Background Iwaoi, Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi
Comments: 46
Kudos: 69
Collections: My favorite haikyuu fics





	1. Once in a Blue Moon

**Author's Note:**

> In the spirit of finished not perfect, I'm going to start posting this  
> I think? Maybe I can make peace with the end of this story before I get around to posting it.  
> Enjoy some nonsense

Daichi had woken up head throbbing.

Sprawled on the floor beside Takashi’s bed. His brother snoring like a freight train. Takashi had said he could have the bed but Daichi had refused. He’d already felt ashamed enough asking to stay with his little brother in his apartment that was approximately the size of shoebox with his rotating cast of five to seven roommates. Daichi sat up rubbing the grit from his eyes, headache increasing with the certainty that yesterday had been a real day and not just a feverish nightmare. Grimacing at the too bright sun cutting through beneath the blinds over Takashi’s window his brain tried to catch up with where he was at. Then right on time the alarm on his phone started to sound to remind him to get up for the job he no longer had. He fumbled to pull it out of the pocket of his jacket where he’d left it. He’d shed the jacket after the fourth drink when it had become too warm, when Takashi had started wincing at him like he was a sloppy drunk.

Silencing the alarm, Takashi snored on. Daichi shut his eyes again but he knew he couldn’t stay here. Takashi had as good as told him that last night. What good was a little brother if he wouldn’t let you crash on his bedroom floor for an indefinite amount of time? Even now Daichi could hear the sound of one of his five roommates grinding coffee in their closet sized kitchen. Daichi was still in his wrinkled work button up, he dragged it off now, shoulders aching from all the lifting he’d done yesterday, back protesting from sleeping on Takashi’s hardwood floor. As he pulled on a t-shirt from his backpack, where an assortment of clothing had ended up when he’d been in a rush to get all of his stuff out of his apartment. As he pulled it on, he had the sensation that this was probably no cleaner than the button up.

Did it matter? He decided it definitely didn’t. None of it mattered and all he knew was that he needed to leave, and he needed to leave now, the surging feeling he’d been trying to ignore for the last twelve hours. He had no idea where he’d go but he couldn’t stay here. He jammed his feet into his trainers and pulled on the backpack. He paused for a second considering the lump in bed. The wild dark hair. Takashi wouldn’t miss him, he thought absently. Daichi would text him when he got where he was going. You know, wherever that was. Then he pushed out the door and into the chill of early spring.

The flickering sign in the dark seemed at first like a mirage to Daichi’s tired eyes. He thought maybe this was it, he’d fallen asleep on the highway, crashed in a ditch and now was approaching his final destination. The question was whether it was heaven or hell. The sign proclaimed it the Blue Oon Motel, or Blue Moon Motel, depending on whether the M was flickering on or silently dark. In another time Daichi would’ve thought twice before stopping, it was clear he was rolling into no big city, there was no guarantee that light wouldn’t reveal the whole building to be peeling paint, no guests in sight, a cracked empty swimming pool, that this wasn’t actually a serial killer’s lair disguised as a beat up motel. But his eyes felt so heavy and he needed to get off the road.

Pulling his pick up off the highway with a bone jarring drop into the world’s largest pothole prior to a parking lot that revealed very few other cars. He could see now that the vacancy part of the sign was illuminated while the no in front was not. He had second thoughts but then he was parking and stumbling out of the car, legs stiff, head aching worse than it had when he’d woken up that morning. He’d been dehydrated then as he was probably still dehydrated now, eyes dry as fuck. He pulled open the door to the office.

For a moment he reeled, the road fog in his brain no match for the electric green, there were garden gnomes standing guard at the desk where an ash blonde man with a mole beneath his left eye was looking at him expectantly. Logically Daichi knew it was because it was after ten and he’d opened the door and was potentially the only guest staying in this motel, but he was startled by it for a moment. The man’s warm hazel eyes too much human contact after the last fifteen hours on the road. Daichi wasn’t sure what sort of fresh hell he’d just walked into but he could not drive any further. He wasn’t going to make it to Kansas City tonight there was no reason to even try. His head felt stuffed full of beans, shifting as he turned his head to take in the eclectic collection of furniture that adorned the office. A chair that looked like it was straight out of a doctor’s office, a plush couch, a coffee machine, a faded tapestry on the wall, a print of a painting of a small mouth bass on the wall opposite, the carpet was orange shag. He attempted not to trip over any of the gnomes. St. Patrick’s day had been well over a month ago. The clerk was still staring him down, now grinning.

“Howdy pardner, can I get you a room?” he asked. Daichi stared at him and his fake cowboy drawl. _What the hell_. The man just beamed back at him.

“Yeah I just need a room for tonight,” Daichi said, fishing his wallet out of his pocket.

The man spun around to look through the keys hanging on hooks on the wall. Each had a different fob. Daichi had not thought there were hotels with real keys anymore.

“Where you coming from?” the clerk asked absently picking up a key to inspect before setting it back and decisively reaching for another.

“Nowhere special,” Daichi answered.

“Been there a couple of times,” the clerk said giving him a smirk as he set the key on the desk. He turned to tap away at his computer, humming to himself.

Then Daichi presented the man with his credit card, never used. For emergencies only, he’d always told himself. This certainly counted as some sort of emergency. He thought this moment should come with an angel choir to heighten the moment, the clerk should’ve accepted the credit card with reverence. Instead he plucked it out of Daichi’s hands twirling it in his fingers as he tapped one handed on his ancient looking computer.

“Daichi Sawamura,” the man read off his card. “Could you fill out some guest information for me, Mr. Sawamura?” he set a clipboard up on the counter with a pen that had a fake flower attached to the end, to prevent stealing. There were others sitting in a flower pot nearby and Daichi smiled a little to himself. He passed the clipboard back and the man presented Daichi’s card back, approved. The man slapped a map up on the counter along with a key. “You’re on the backside of the building,” the man was reciting to him, circling Daichi’s room with a red pen, “You can park back there, don’t have a lovely view of the highway but it’s quieter so you win some you lose some. There’s no free breakfast. The pool is not filled. Vending is limited options and the ice works one day a week. I couldn’t tell you which day,” he said pointing out each in turn.

“If you do not check out by 11, Greta will be waiting at your door and trust me you do not want to meet her,” the man said. “And other questions dial 1 on the phone, my name’s Koushi. If it were not already so late I would suggest you drop by the wooden nickel in town, it’s really a sight to behold,” he said with a wink.

“Thanks, Koushi,” Daichi said as the man handed him a key.

“Remember, I’m number 1. On your phone.”

“Right, I’ll remember that,” he promised with a genuine smile to answer the one that Koushi was giving him. Turning around he nearly tripped over a gnome. A glance back showed Koushi smothering a laugh.

“Careful,” he said. Daichi felt hot under his eyes, retreating from the office without further incident.

Outside Daichi felt heavy again, like there was boulder tied around his neck, the truck waiting where he’d left it, front grill splattered with guts of every bug known to man. He pulled around to the side of the building Koushi indicated his room would be on, and then grabbing his backpack and duffle he climbed the steps to his room on the second floor.

When he flipped on the light, the sight that greeted him loosed the boulder from his neck again. The coffee table was a surfboard, the bedspread looked like clear ocean water, the bathroom sported framed seashells, the sink shaped like a scallop. He would’ve laughed if he wasn’t so tired, if the sight of all these things didn’t make him want to cry because they felt like a home he couldn’t go back to. The only reaction he could manage was to drop his bags, lock the door and collapse onto the bed to fall into exhausted sleep.

Morning brought a slice of light from between the blackout curtains right over Daichi’s face and he’d tried to ignore it. Then suddenly the light was blacked out, and awake now though he was wishing he were not, Daichi cracked his eyes sure the darkness was not just a cloud passing over the sun. Instead he saw a small face in his window peering in at him, his heart lurched as they made eye contact, the child’s eyes getting big and fleeing, the pounding of their footsteps audible. Daichi groaned and rolled over, the sun in his eyes again. But it was too late, he was awake.

The clock showed 10:40 as he rolled stiffly out of bed, feeling disgusting in his road clothes from the day previous. The shower was hot and nice and he was drying off when a horrible thought struck him.

_Greta!_

Sticking his head out of the bathroom the clock showed 11:05 and on cue there was knocking on the door. Daichi fumbled for a t-shirt, dressed in only the towel around his waist, the knocking becoming more insistent, and then he heard the key in the lock. He ran to open the door himself, shirt be damned, to beg Greta for more time. He wrenched the door open before it could be unlocked, the person with the key in the door tumbling forward. Revealing not the infamous Greta but instead Koushi in a black t-shirt looking supremely tired and now supremely red.

“Thought I was about to discover a dead body,” he gaped at Daichi, releasing the door knob, leaving the key, taking a step back. Daichi suddenly acutely aware he had only the towel on and Koushi was staring.

“I overslept. I’m sorry, could you give me twenty minutes?” he asked maneuvering his body behind the door. Koushi recovered in a flash.

“Is this how you greet all the cleaning ladies?”

“I thought you said Greta would kick me out?” Daichi returned. Koushi flushed.

“She’s out sick today. And you’re _lucky_ ,” he said, “I’ll give you twenty minutes and then I’ll be back.” He pulled the door shut, removing his master key. Daichi slid the deadbolt shut and exhaled. Then quickly dug out clean clothes. True to his word in twenty minutes he was throwing his bags into the passenger seat of his truck, the only spot in the cab where there was room and carrying his key to the office to check out. He opened the door to the office to find, with a pinch of disappointment, the person at the desk now was not Koushi. It was a young woman with short brown hair smiling sweetly at him.

“Mr. Sawamura,” she said.

“Sorry for checking out late,” he said offering her the key. She accepted it and turned to hang it up on the wall.

“Not a problem, you’re lucky Greta’s not here and it’s just Koushi,” she said and then grimaced with the thought.

“That’s what Koushi said.”

“He’s right,” the woman agreed. “I know we don’t have complimentary breakfast but I brought some donuts in today, and there’s a bunch left over, would you want one? If you don’t, Koushi will eat them all and I don’t know if I’m up for that today.”

“Sure,” Daichi answered and she offered him the box. He took one with chocolate icing and thanked the girl before heading to the door. He was about to push the door open when the door was yanked out of his grip. He dropped the donut and then suddenly Koushi was there about to run him over, eyes wide.

“Fuck,” he yelped. Eyes passing over Daichi and straight to the girl at the desk. “Yui!”

“What’s wrong?” Yui had stood up, was already coming around from behind the desk at a jog. She had a shotgun in her hands and Daichi had to do a double take. _What the hell??_ “Gun emergency?” she asked already tossing Koushi the shotgun. He snatched it out of the air.

“Sal!” he roared turning around. Yui hurried after him and Daichi followed on her heels, unsure that he really wanted to find out what was going on.

What was going on was there was a man who’d scaled the Blue Moon Motel sign and was trying to pry some of the neon tubing off.

“Sal you get the fuck down right now or I shoot!” Koushi yelled from the base of the sign. The man was pale and skinny, balding, older than someone Daichi would’ve imagined could climb a sign. He scowled down at Koushi.

“It’s a free country.”

“Not on private property, fucker,” Koushi growled back, “Come down right now before I shoot.”

“Sal, come on,” Yui called putting hands on her hips. “Koushi’s not joking.”

“You can’t shoot him!” Daichi protested.

“I can and I will,” Koushi answered without taking his eyes off of Sal. Sal was still prying at the neon. Koushi aimed the gun skywards, not at Sal, letting a shot off. That stopped him, he nearly lost his grip, casting a frightened look down at Koushi who was reloading. “Sal, you’ve got sixty seconds.”

Then he was sliding down, scrambling to the ground, no sooner had his feet hit the ground before Koushi lunged at him. Sal bolted across the parking lot jumping into his truck and gunning it as Koushi came to a halt scowling as he peeled out, in a spray of gravel.

“This happens often?” Daichi found himself asking Yui. She gave him a look.

“I wish I could tell you no,” she said. Koushi was headed back to them now still scowling. He passed the shotgun to Yui, storming back toward the motel. “Sorry you had to see that,” she said as they walked back to the office. “You won’t write about it on Tripmates will you?”

“Tripmates?”

“The travel website?”

“No, I won’t, no worries,” Daichi said and she smiled at him.

“Come stay with us again, next time you’re in this neck of the woods,” she said finally reaching the door. Daichi paused, he’d been avoiding thinking this far forward, where he was heading next, where he’d been. He felt tired just thinking about getting into his pickup.

“Do you have any vacancies for tonight?” he asked her.

“OH,” Yui’s face brightened. “We do! Would you like to stay another day?”

“One more night,” Daichi agreed.

“Do you want to stay in the room you had or try another one?”

“Try another one?”

“You were in Surf’s Up, right?” she asked. “How about Treehouse Hideout or maybe you’d like Alpine Ski Lodge? That one’s my favorite,” she said opening the door to the office. Daichi followed her in.

“I’ll try that, the ski lodge,” he said, feeling more baffled with each moment. The gnomes in the lobby it occurred to him were in different places than they’d been the night before. He could hear somewhere distant the muffled sound of Koushi talking, voice raised in anger.

Yui handed him a new key, and he offered her his credit card.

“I’ll give you a second night discount,” she told him with a wink sliding the card back to him.

“That fucking sheriff,” Koushi appeared from a back room scowling and then he came to a halt blinking at Daichi. “You had a good stay I hope?” he asked in what seemed like a forced cheer following what he had just snarled, plastering a weird half smile on.

“He’s staying another night, Sal didn’t scare him off.”

“You mean, _I_ didn’t scare him off,” Koushi said, “I’m sorry for what just happened out in the lot.”

“Yui? Said it happens a lot? Not your fault,” Daichi said. Koushi flushed a little, looking kind of embarrassed now.

“Not a lot like every day, I promise. You won’t uh, mention this on Tripmates will you?”

“Not a word of it,” Daichi swore.

“Good, good,” Koushi was relieved, “Which room did Yui give you?”

“Alpine Ski Lodge,” Yui said.

“The honeymoon suite,” Koushi grinned and Daichi felt his face getting hot again.

“I don’t need that,” he said offering Yui back the key, “Just a single room please.”

“It’s all the same price, Koushi’s kidding, it’s not the honeymoon suite,” Yui said waving him off, shooting Koushi a look. He shrugged. Daichi looked from one to the other.

“What was it you said I should go see in town?”

“Oh! The wooden nickel,” said Koushi, “You’ll _love_ it.”

“How do I get there?”

Koushi explained it.

Daichi wasn’t really sure what he expected from the wooden nickel. Because after all it was just a wooden nickel. Big as a tractor tire, displayed outside and worn by the elements. He could imagine Koushi laughing at him as he stood in front of it and contemplated life.

Koushi didn’t get to sleep until well after noon. Stripping his clothes off and collapsing onto his bed, and dragging the comforter over his head. His head buzzed on despite his body’s protest. The curtains were drawn and it was dark and he was tired. God, he was tired. Then his phone started ringing. Slowly he dragged himself out from under the comforter reaching onto the night side table for the phone. The caller ID was not the motel but Marie and he let himself imagine for a moment letting it go to voicemail. Why let your dreams be dreams? He silenced the call and then turned on do not disturb and retreated back under the covers.

When he emerged later to the sound of his alarm the sun was on its way down, something that never failed to make him feel deeply strange. Down in the office Saeko had her feet up on the counter a magazine open in her lap.

“Evening,” Koushi called.

“Gonna take down the gnomes tonight, boss?” Saeko said pulling her feet down and giving him a grin.

“Not tonight,” Koushi said with a yawn. “Are we full up tonight?” Saeko made a sound and Koushi’s stomach sank a little.

“Just the hot guy, Larry, a family.”

“Were they disappointed about the pool?”

“I don’t think anyone expects a pool to be filled in April,” Saeko told him. Koushi sighed starting the coffee machine. “Marissa call recently?” Koushi poured in the water and started the machine, before scratching his neck.

“Not for a couple of weeks,” he said.

“You tell her about the room with the broken shower?”

“Not yet.”

“How about the big pothole in the lot.”

“Not yet.”

“Boss…”

“I know, I know,” Koushi grumbled hunting around under the counter for his coffee mug.

“Gino’s wife is having her baby in a couple of weeks, I’m going to need to pick up more hours at the restaurant then,” she reminded him, tucking her magazine into her purse as she slung it over her shoulder.

“Is it that time already?”

“Yep.”

“We’ll make it work,” Koushi said, “I can pick up hours. Yui’s cousin was looking for some extra money, maybe,” he pinched the bridge of his nose. Logistics always gave him a headache.

“I’ll let you know when I know,” Saeko said slapping Koushi on the shoulder as she headed out the door. “Later, Boss.”

Cup of coffee in hand Koushi considered the gnomes. Then the phone was ringing. He lifted it off the receiver putting on his best customer service voice.

“Blue Moon Motel front desk, this is Koushi.”

“Koushi, hi, uh,” the voice on the other end caught Koushi off guard. Mr. Sawamura. The guy with the arms and the legs and the… Koushi reined in those thoughts.

“Mr. Sawamura,” he answered with real cheer. _Please ask me to come up and turn down the bed for you._

“This is awkward uh, I don’t have any towels.” _Did you just get out of the shower again?_ Koushi thought of the sight of Sawamura this morning, towel around his waist, the toned planes of his stomach, bare muscular arms. _Koushi, come on!_

“Shit, I didn’t finish cleaning your room. That was when I saw Sal,” growled Koushi remembering the morning.

“It’s fine, it’s fine. I don’t need a towel right now. Just…”

“No, I’ll bring you some clean ones up right now,” Koushi promised, “I’ll be up in two shakes.”

“Oh uh…” Koushi hung up on Sawamura before he could protest. Setting up his ‘be right back’ sign and collecting a fresh stack of fluffy white towels.

Alpine Ski Lodge was on the backside of the motel. Koushi took the metal grated steps two at a time and cut through the corridor in the center of the building past the ice machine. A woman was hitting the button repeatedly and receiving no ice. She caught sight of Koushi turning to him expectantly.

“Excuse me? You work here?” she asked him and he forced himself to stop.

“Can I help you?” he asked, suppressing the frustration that she was keeping him from Sawamura.

“There’s no ice.”

“Sometimes it gets that way,” Koushi said, aware intensely that this was not the answer the woman wanted. Saeko always failed to mention to people the fickle nature of the ice machine. How many times had he told Marissa about the ice machine?

_“Koushi, it’s not that big of a deal.”_

_“It is. You get off the road you make yourself a drink. You want ice. The ice machine doesn’t work.”_

_“It’s just some of the time though.”_

_“Most of the time.”_

_“It worked last time I visited. What happened since then?” Koushi clenching his teeth on the accusation that she hadn’t visited in over six months. And it hadn’t worked then either. She controlled the money otherwise he’d do it himself. He’d googled so many times trying to find a how to walkthrough on how to fix the machine. It was so old that there wasn’t much information._

Tonight he dealt the machine a kick, towels tucked under one arm, and then he slapped the side of the machine for good measure. It made a clunking sound, and started to rattle. Koushi slapped it again. The rattling stopped and it began to hum, there was the rattle of ice.

“Come on you piece of shit,” he threatened it under his breath, reaching to push the button. This time ice rattled in the chute.

“Oh!” the woman said with a smile as a landslide of cubes fell out into the tray.

“There we go,” Koushi said giving her a bright smile.

“Thank you,” she said sticking her bucket under the chute and pressing the button again, ice flowing out and filling it up.

Finally he was knocking on the door of the alpine ski lodge, feeling more eager than he ought to. Mr. Sawamura opened the door. Unluckily, fully clothed this time.

“Fresh towels, my good sir,” Koushi said offering him the stack. Mr. Sawamura took them with a tentative smile. “Did you go see the wooden nickel?” Koushi asked before he could shut the door.

“The way you described it I thought I was going to see something cool,” Mr. Sawamura said.

“It is cool. It is the most cool. Did you take a selfie with it for good luck?” Koushi continued.

“I didn’t.”

“That’s bad luck then, you’d better go back tomorrow and fix your mistake.”

“Does that work?”

“Undoing bad luck with a selfie?”

“Good luck with a selfie?”

“You know, the legend says yes,” Koushi said smiling wider.

“Well maybe I’ll try it then,” Mr. Sawamura said, still holding the towels.

“You should.”

“Thanks for the towels.”

“You know where to reach me if you need more,” Koushi said with a wink. _That’s too far, back it up, buddy._

“Okay, will do.”

“And don’t forget check out is at 11.”

“I won’t.”

“Because Greta is not nearly as nice as I am.”

“If you say so.” The look Sawamura was giving him, made Koushi’s heart kick harder.

“Fuck around and see,” Koushi told him with a menacing grin. “Okay, goodnight,” he said.

“Goodnight,” Sawamura told him and shut the door.

“Was that smooth? That was not smooth,” Koushi muttered to himself shoving his hands into his pockets and heading back for the office.

There was almost always a person who checked in late, some lonely traveler in off the road when they couldn’t drive any further. They had bells on the door and when Koushi had nightmares they seemed to exclusively be of the bells ringing, hauling him from sleep. It was a little after midnight and he’d been admittedly dozing, when the bells sent him sitting sharply upright at the desk.

“Good evening,” he croaked feeling lucky that whoever was arriving probably felt as miserable as he did at this particular moment. But instead of a stranger it was Mr. Sawamura, looking a little bedraggled and exhausted. “Shit, did I sleep through the phone ringing?” Koushi asked him running a hand through his hair.

“No,” Mr. Sawamura said. “I can’t sleep.”

“Is it that family with the kids?”

“No, nothing like that,” he was quick to say. “I just can’t shut my head off tonight. Back home…” he trailed off with a look on his face that was a toss-up between sad and a wince. “I’d go for a walk but that doesn’t exactly seem like a great idea here. I figured you were up, maybe you wouldn’t mind some company.”

“Sure, make yourself at home,” Koushi said feeling like he was in the middle of some strange dream. Mr. Sawamura looked around before finally turning back to him.

“Did you move the gnomes?”

“No.”

“You did, they’re not where they were,” Mr. Sawamura continued frowning at him. Koushi giggled just a little.

“You’re the only person to notice. Or at least the only one to say anything.”

“Did you move them last night too?”

“Every night,” Koushi was grinning hard now, delighted that his work finally had an audience could appreciate it.

“Jesus, you must be bored,” Mr. Sawamura said.

“Excuse you, I am practicing the ancient art of feng shui,” Koushi said.

“I think the good energy of this room would be increased by taking down all the electric green. St. Patrick’s Day is over.”

“Not in my full blooded Irish heart,” Koushi said. Mr. Sawamura laughed at him, full throated, eyes crinkling. _Oh. Oh no._ Koushi’s chest warmed. He liked that sound. He liked it a lot. “Mr. Sawamura, you’re loud as fuck, there’s people trying to sleep in this fine establishment.”

“Just Daichi’s fine.”

“Just Daichi please don’t wake my patrons.”

“I’ll help you take down the streamers.”

“Nooo, not tonight,” Koushi complained. “I like them. I’m not ready to say good bye to the gnomes.”

“Gnomes have nothing to do with St. Patrick’s Day, you should just leave them.”

“Sure they do, gnomes are like leprechauns.”

“Gnomes are not leprechauns.”

“Just Daichi you don’t know what you’re talking about.”

\--

“So where are you headed?” Koushi asked watching Daichi carefully pulling down the green shamrocks hanging from the ceiling. Daichi glanced back at him looking startled for a moment, but he buried it quickly under a shrug and feigned nonchalance.

“Nowhere in particular,” he said, standing on his tiptoes to get the next shamrock. Koushi had relented, the shamrocks could come down but the streamers, the gnomes, everything else had to stay. If nothing else but to not seem as if he was giving into Yui bothering him about it. Koushi tried to keep his eyes from the strip of Daichi’s navel that appeared every time he reached for the ceiling without success. _Girlfriend. You have a girlfriend. He’s a guest. Quit being a creep_. Marie was an unwelcome thought. He’d ignored the first call of hers and after his phone was set on do not disturb she called again twice. There was a voicemail that he knew he should listen to but hadn’t been able to convince himself to.

She worked at the same restaurant as Saeko and it closed at eleven, which meant she’d be out by twelve, it took five minutes to drive from there to here. Koushi was watching the clock, halfway expecting her to show up, even though he’d told her more than once that just because he was here and not doing anything didn’t mean she could just come and hang out. _“I’m working.”_ He’d told her. _“What if Marissa showed up?”_ He didn’t actually know if Marissa would care, but he was not eager to find out. Although it seemed highly unlikely she would show up unannounced at 12:30 at night.

“So what, you just got in your car and drove all day taking random turns and now you’re here?” He challenged from where he was sitting in the abomination, his name for the waiting room chair that had no place in here. He would’ve gotten rid of it if not for Marissa. Daichi stopped to frown at him. _Too far. That was too far._

“Obviously not,” he said.

“Sorry.”

“It’s fine, I just,” Daichi ran a hand through his short hair, looking at the painting of the bass instead of Koushi, still frowning. “I don’t really want to talk about.”

“Fair enough,” Koushi said. And that’s when the door jingled. His eyes found the clock. 12:20, right on time.

Marie looked first to the empty desk and then to the abomination where Koushi was slumped, shoes kicked off, mug of coffee resting on his stomach. She wasn’t scowling, but she looked tired and sad and Koushi was immediately sorry he hadn’t listened to the voicemail, hadn’t answered her call.

“Kou, thank god, I was starting to worry something had happened,” she said walking toward him. He set his coffee on top of the Top Gear magazine on the table and stood up to meet her hug. He felt Daichi’s eyes on him.

“Sorry, I must’ve left my phone on do not disturb,” he told her, a white lie. “You wouldn’t believe it, Sal was back again this morning.”

“You didn’t shoot him again did you?” Marie asked putting a hand on his cheek, giving him a small smile. _She really is pretty,_ he thought again absently.

“Not today,” he said. She slid her thumb along his lower lip and Koushi felt tired all over again. Gently he met her lips. _Stop looking at me, Sawamura._ Daichi shifted uncomfortably, and Koushi pulled away from Marie.

“Oh uh, Marie this is Daichi. He’s in the Alpine Ski Lodge. He can’t sleep. Daichi this is Marie.”

“Kou’s my boy,” she said.

“Nice to, uh, meet you,” Daichi looked uncomfortable and Koushi wished that Marie had stayed away. “Your boy like…?”

“Boyfriend,” Marie said frowning at him, “Were you about to ask if I’m his mother?”

“No! No! Definitely not,” Daichi said flushing, clutching the shamrock he was holding. Koushi couldn’t help but laugh at that. Daichi embarrassed was so fucking cute. _Koushi, come on._ Daichi’s eyes flew to him at his laughter.

“Sorry, sorry I was just imagining what kind of hicks you think we are if you thought she was my mother, kissing me on the lips.”

“Jesus, sorry, I wasn’t going to… I didn’t mean it like…”

“You’re fine, you’re fine,” Marie said laughing now too, linking her elbow with Koushi, and brushing her dark brown hair back behind her shoulders. “So you’re staying here? How do you like the alpine ski lodge? Isn’t it the _best_?”

“It is pretty great,” Daichi agreed, “The one I stayed in last night was pretty nice too.”

“Ooh which one?” Marie asked eagerly, Daichi’s eyes were on Koushi.

“Surf’s up,” Koushi said.

“Ooh, that’s a good one too. Koushi did you give him that one or was it Yui? You must’ve gotten lucky that Koushi’s giving you the good rooms.” Daichi’s eyebrows raised.

“They’re all good, Marie,” Koushi protested.

“True, true,” she admitted, “You did a great job, they’re all special.”

“Wait, _you_ did the different rooms?” Daichi asked. It was Koushi’s turn to feel his face warm up with pride.

“All of them. I mean I didn’t do the renovations myself, but they were my idea.”

“That’s awesome. Wait, are you the owner of the motel?”

“No, no,” Koushi said laughing, heart sinking. “I’m just the manager.”

“Why the hell are you working the desk overnight?”

“That’s what I’ve been saying,” Marie said.

“Somebody’s got to do it,” Koushi said with a wince, the other two fixing him with looks now.

“But does that somebody have to be you?” Marie asked as she always did. Koushi sighed, the irritation rising. That was when the bell jingled again and they all turned to the door where a burly man was taking off his hat and smoothing his sparse hair.

“Evening Koushi,” he said. Koushi beamed at him.

“What’s up, Milo? I didn’t think you’d be back this way so soon.”

“It’s worth going a little out of my way, is Home on the Range available?”

“I keep it empty just for you,” Koushi said slipping out of Marie’s grip to trot behind the counter and ring Milo in.

“I appreciate ya,” Milo said smiling. Sometimes Koushi liked to imagine Milo was his supportive uncle. If he were ever to leave the motel Milo was the one guest he’d tell, and the one guest who would smile at him with pride and say _“I knew you were going places.”_ After he’d left, the woman from the ice machine appeared to complain that the ice machine had stopped working, though her eyes lit up when she saw it was Koushi at the desk. Koushi sighed and shrugged on his sweatshirt to go kick some ice machine ass.

Marie caught his arm as he followed the woman to the door.

“I’ll see you later,” she said pulling him in to peck his lips one more time.

“Bye Marie,” he said, then caught Daichi’s eye, “Don’t you dare touch those gnomes,” he threatened, earning him a grin from Daichi.

When he returned Daichi was alone in the office sitting on the couch a Styrofoam cup of coffee in his hands, Top Gear open. All the shamrocks were down and… There were two gnomes up on top of the desk like benevolent gargoyles.

“Daichi…” Koushi growled but it was ineffective because he was also snickering.

Eventually the conversation slowed, Daichi on the couch, head propped up on one of the arms, eyelids heavy. Koushi watched him nodding off as he refilled his mug of coffee and microwaved the breakfast burrito. It was nearly four.

“Why don’t you just lay down, there’s not going to be anything happening in here anytime soon,” he said quietly. Daichi blinked at him groggily.

“Ok,” he mumbled shifting until he was mostly lying down, long legs hanging off the couch, Koushi prodded him with a pillow and he tucked that under his head. Sitting on the abomination he ate his burrito and watched Daichi sleep, breathing deep and even now, truly asleep, arms tucked in like a little boy trapped in a man’s body. He wondered where Daichi had actually come from and where he was going. He knew he had California license plates, the back seat of his pickup was packed with boxes. He’d only noticed because they didn’t get a lot of cars from California. After a bit, Koushi fetched Yui’s blanket that she always wrapped up in during the winter and spread that over Daichi’s torso. He sighed in his sleep.

Five thirty was when the early risers started to check out. There was only one of them, but when the bell jingled Koushi was getting his second wind, rearranging the gnomes so that they were encircling the couch where Daichi was still asleep, now snoring. The man gave Koushi a funny look and Koushi shrugged. _What can I do?_

At 6:15 Milo checked out, looking marginally better rested. He got a good laugh out of Daichi on the couch. At 6:30 the door jingled again with a couple checking out. This time Daichi woke up too, Koushi trying to catch his reaction while printing a receipt for the couple and asking if they’d had a good stay. Daichi looked at the gnomes his brow knotted in confusion.

“I was having these dreams I was being watched and now I understand why,” he mumbled sitting up still looking half asleep.

“It’s going to be busy down here for a bit,” Koushi told him, “maybe you better go enjoy the ski lodge while you still can. Don’t wake up too much though.” Daichi blinked at him heavily. Koushi tugged on his shoes and sweatshirt taking Daichi’s arm and gently pulling him outside and up the steps. At the door Daichi let him unlock it, yawning. He kicked off his shoes inside and crawled into the disheveled bed. It was clear he’d tried to sleep earlier. Once he was under the covers, eyes still closed Koushi set the key down on the night side table and moved to leave. Considering for a minute the lump in bed, the dark messy hair, the soft snores, something pinching in his chest. _He’ll be checking out in a couple of hours._ He shut the door and locked it with his master key before hurrying back to the office in the morning chill.

When Yui showed up at seven Koushi had dissembled the gnome circle around the couch, had folded up her blanket it neatly and stuck it back in her cubby, he’d drank more than enough coffee but his head felt heavy.

“Exciting night?” Yui asked pulling off her sunglasses, the sun was up bright and warm through the front windows.

“Ehhh,” Koushi groaned. “Marie came by.”

“Koushi,” Yui gave him a stern look. _‘It’s not that I don’t like her anymore,’_ Koushi had told Yui, _‘It’s just, there’s no spark, we were in love and now when she wants to talk about how she wishes we could spend more time together… I don’t know, it just makes me tired.’_ Yui had told him what she thought that meant, and she was thinking it forcefully at him now as she pulled off her jacket and slung it up on the coat hooks.

“I know, I know,” he answered her mental tirade.

“Pretending isn’t doing either of you any good. What if she’s putting things on hold because she thinks there’s a future here, when you don’t? Wasn’t she talking about going to school? Whatever happened to that?”

Koushi scrubbed his face with his hands, wanting to dig his knuckles into his tired eyes.

“Yui.”

“Koushi, how long have you been dating?”

“Yui, please.”

“I’m serious. I know you don’t want to hurt her feelings, but imagine if it was reversed. If you really liked her but she felt the way you do right now.”

“Yui,” this time it came out sad. Yui stopped and frowned at him.

“What about you, Koushi? Sure you don’t want to hurt her, but what about you? Wouldn’t you like to find somebody else you could be in love with?” Koushi didn’t respond, the lump in his throat so large he was choking on it. As if he could be in love. He’d thought he’d loved Marie once and look how that’d turned out. _I’m not built for love._ Instead he shrugged and took his coffee to the kitchenette to dump down the sink. When he came back Yui was in her perch at the desk checking out the family of four with the mom who loved ice.

“Is Greta here yet?” he asked Yui when the family had gone.

“Yeah, I saw her a bit ago.”

“Alright, I’m gonna head out then.”

“Okay, I’ll see you tomorrow,” Yui said with a smile. Koushi stopped at the door, eyes on the gnome sitting on the window sill.

“If Daichi stays another night,” he started. Yui frowned at him.

“Daichi?”

“Uh, Mr. Sawamura? Give him the treehouse.”

“Okay sure,” Yui said, “You think he’ll stay another night?”

“I don’t know,” Koushi said opening the door, “Maybe?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time Daichi turns back on his phone...


	2. Intentions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daichi turns back on his phone:  
> 36 new messages
> 
> and also  
> a date (?)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow um I definitely did not intend to wait so long before posting the next chapter of this, please forgive me. I've been trying to wrangle out the ending to this story and I think maybe I have it sorted now. I promise the next chapter won't be so delayed

When Daichi woke up at 10:30 he did not hop into the shower. He pulled his hoodie back on and tramped out into the blinding sunlight to book another night. Yui took his card.

“Where’s Koushi?” he asked as she cheerfully swiped his card and he started doing the mental math on the balance.

“He left. Thank god,” Yui said and then turned a wide eyed look to Daichi. “Not like I don’t love Koushi, but he always stays later than he should. He works too hard,” she said and handed him back the card. “Speaking of, I’m going to need your key for the ski lodge, he’s moving you to the treehouse.”

“Do I get a say in this?”

“Nope, he’s the manager and you’ve got to move,” Yui said sweetly trading him one key for the other. “Just let Greta know when you’re out.” Daichi didn’t argue. He figured there were worse things that could’ve happened to him. In fact, there were and they had. When he went back to his room to move his gear again, he passed the open door of the room adjacent to his, the cleaning cart standing outside. Cheery whistling coming from inside, a quick glance showed the infamous Greta and not Koushi and Daichi hurried up. When he’d shouldered his bags and did the trek down the way to his new room. He opened the door and started to laugh. The room had plants galore, all the furniture warm wood, the walls forest green, a hammock strung up. Trail cam photos framed on the walls. Daichi dropped his bags and was grateful. He figured breakfast should be his first objective. And maybe more importantly if he was going to be staying for a while he ought to be headed to the grocery store. He considered then, as he had the morning before, whether he ought to turn his phone on. He’d never texted Takashi that he’d arrived. He’d ignored two calls from his brother before turning the phone off that first morning on the road. It’d been off for three days, in his imagination there was a serious consequence waiting when he turned it on. Also probably thirty messages from Hajime.

When he turned it on, he was off by six. Thirty six messages from Hajime. If you combined messages and missed calls. The most recent had no exclamation points, no threats, just an all lowercase plea to let him know he was safe. Daichi grimaced sitting on the edge of the bed and pulled open the chat. It was a long stream of one sided texts at first asking questions, maybe a few playing it as a joke and then in the middle a string of threats to kick his ass and this was not funny until his final text sent late last night, well after Hajime would’ve been in bed. Daichi felt bad.

_I’m safe_

_Sorry to worry_

_Just needed to get away_

He sent the three consecutively expecting the rapid response of bouncing ellipses to confirm Hajime had seen and was preparing to ream his ass. There were no ellipses and Daichi scrolled through the missed calls. A total of three from his brother, three from his mother, six from Hajime, and one a minute after Hajime from Tooru, what Daichi could only imagine was a desperate bid from Hajime to get him to answer the phone. The guilt was enough to make him consider turning his phone back off. Then the new messages popped up one after the other:

****

_fuckin bastard_

_I was about to file a missing persons_

_Where the hell r you?_

Something eased in Daichi’s chest. And he snapped a picture of the décor, the plants, the trail cam photos and sent that in lieu of an answer.

_The fuck?_

_Middle of nowhere Kansas, Blue Moon Motel_

_I watched the desk clerk try to shoot a trespasser with a shot gun yesterday_

_Again. The fuck?_

_It’s kitschy and Tooru would hate it so much_

_The front office is full of garden gnomes_

_When r u coming home?_

Daichi considered that and then didn’t answer. He would do it later. He didn’t want to think about it now. His stomach growled.

He’d seen the grocery store on his way to the wooden nickel the day before and it was easy to get back, parking his rusted pickup in one of the maybe twenty spots. Inside it was like every other grocery store he’d ever experience but condensed, small town style. He picked up a basket and then it occurred to him he couldn’t really cook anything without a kitchen or even a microwave. Deciding to delay that thought, he headed for produce, picking up some fruit and then bread because sandwiches didn’t need cooking, and as he turned the corner he bumped into someone else, nearly dropping his basket.

“Shit! Sorry!” and then he was looking right into a familiar set of hazel eyes. “Daichi!” Koushi greeted him, “You’re staying?”

“For now,” Daichi said trying to regain his composure. “I figured I shouldn’t just eat out. Is there a microwave or something I could use?”

“There’s one in the office,” Koushi told him, shifting back into front desk clerk, putting on his people pleasing smile. One that after spending last night talking with him came across to Daichi as fake.

“No stove?”

“I’ve got a stove,” Koushi said and then looked like he reconsidered having said that.

“You live close?”

Koushi laughed, tone pinched.

“Very close. You could use my stove if you want. Do you cook, Daichi?”

“A little,” Daichi lied.

“Well make a little extra for me, uh, if you use my stove,” Koushi said, “If you want. I mean we probably eat at different times since I work late usually…”

“I will,” Daichi cut him off. Koushi looked relieved. “Marie won’t mind?” That was the wrong thing to say, Koushi looking away.

“She doesn’t come over.”

“Not ever?”

“I mean sometimes,” Koushi was getting red again. “Look at the time, I should be getting to bed.”

“You’re really just going to go home and go to bed?”

“In a bit,” Koushi said.

“Let me cook you lunch first,” Daichi didn’t know why he’d said it, but Koushi’s eyes brightened.

“Okay!” he said.

“I’ll follow you back to your place,” Daichi said as they left the grocery store. Koushi went to grab his bike from where he’d left it leaning against the building.

“You sure about that?” he laughed. Daichi blushed.

“I’ve got a pickup you can throw it in the back, I’ll drive,” he said.

That was a simple answer, Daichi got back on the highway headed for the motel waiting for directions from Koushi, and then they were approaching the Blue Moon.

“Take a left here,” Koushi said and Daichi pulled into the parking lot.

“I thought we were going to your place?”

“We are. Park wherever you want.”

“Koushi?”

“I live here,” Koushi said, eyes bright with the joke. He hopped out of the cab, pulling his bike from the back bed. He led the way to a set of stairs beside the office up to a suite overtop sticking one of his approximately hundred keys into the lock and opening the door. Daichi expected something like the other rooms at the motel, some theme, but instead the suite was plain, the way he’d imagined the inside of a motel room to look except that somebody lived here and the furniture looked like it, a patchwork quilt on the bed. The kitchen was small but had the promised stove. Daichi set his groceries on the small kitchen table and fished out what he was looking for while Koushi put his groceries away.

Koushi fell asleep after lunch, head in his arms on the table, while Daichi washed up their dishes. His phone was buzzing insistently then in his pocket. He answered, holding the phone to his ear with his shoulder as he dried a pan.

“Hajime.”

“I was sure you were going to let it ring through to voicemail again. It’s good to hear your voice, man,” Hajime was probably between classes, he sounded a little breathless, stressed maybe. The way he’d always sounded before a test in school, running his hands through his hair, ready to just get it over with. “Are you really middle of nowhere Kansas? And you’re not being held against your will?”

“I’m fine, Hajime, really.” Daichi opened the cupboard to replace the pan where he’d found it. Koushi’s snores came to a stop as he shifted. “Haj, can you hold on a second?” he asked and then muted the call. “Koushi, why don’t you get into bed? I’m going to go now, everything’s all cleaned up,” he said gently setting a hand on Koushi’s shoulder. Koushi startled blinking blearily up at him.

“Okay,” he mumbled getting to his feet, one hand hooked on Daichi’s arm as he made his way to the bed, then stripping off his sweatshirt. Daichi’s stomach filled with butterflies as Koushi kicked off his pants and then burrowed under the blankets. “’night Daichi,” he murmured.

“Night,” Daichi answered and let himself out of the door, picking Hajime back up. Hajime had hung up, a waiting text saying to just call back. Back in his room Daichi dialed the number. Hajime picked up on the first ring.

“What are you doing in middle of nowhere Kansas? For real? Takashi wouldn’t tell me a thing.”

“That’s because I didn’t tell Takashi anything,” Daichi answered and belatedly remembered that he’d meant to text Takashi when he’d gotten here. Not that Takashi probably gave a shit about it one way or the other. There were times he thought Takashi couldn’t have cared about something if he had wanted to. Sometimes Daichi wished he could’ve had whatever sedative Takashi was born with. Terminal not giving a shit.

“He said you got fired?”

“So he did tell you stuff?”

“So that part’s true?” Hajime sounded surprised, “Jesus, how’d that happen, Daichi?”

Daichi shut his eyes with a heavy sigh, he was in the hammock swaying gently. He’d been trying not to think about it. The beginning of the whole shit show that had put him on the road

“Some bullshit,” he finally answered. “They didn’t like what I had to say and so they terminated my contract.”

“Can they do that?”

“Clearly.”

“Is that really worth skipping town for?”

“That’s not the half of it,” Daichi said.

“What’s the rest of it?”

“Austin.”

“Austin,” Hajime exhaled in a low growl. “Daichi, did…?” he didn’t finish the thought. Daichi’s teeth were clenched. It wasn’t like… It wasn’t like things had been going well, if anything they’d been headed in this direction for a long time. And catching him with the other guy was just the final nail in the coffin. There was really no option for him to stay in that shared apartment. And his father probably wouldn’t want anything to do with him after he quit the force so moving back in with his parents hadn’t been an option either. Hajime already had three roommates. Takashi was a selfish bastard. But Daichi didn’t know how to say any of that to Hajime, not sure he really wanted to, the humiliation of all of it rising like bile in his throat. How long had it been going on? How long had he been a fool, Austin sneaking around behind his back?

“Do I need to go kill him? Did you get all your stuff out?” Hajime asked without Daichi having to give him the bitter information. A flood of emotion hit him at that. Hajime would. And it made his heart hurt how grateful he was for that.

“I didn’t have much to start with,” was all he could say.

“Daichi, why the fuck did you have to leave? You could’ve stayed with me,” Hajime sounded as upset as Daichi felt now. He wished he talked to Hajime three days ago, that he’d been the one to answer the phone and not Takashi.

“There’s not room for me at your place.”

“Sure there is, we could stuff Tooru in a closet or something, hell, he sleeps with me all the time anyway, you could just take his space in the room. Issei and Hiro wouldn’t mind.”

“It’s a little late for that.”

“Come back. You’re not going to stay in Kansas are you?”

“I was thinking,” Daichi had formed the thought, he’d been thinking it on the drive but hadn’t dared give words to it until now, “I was thinking this would be a good chance to work on that novel.”

“The great American novel,” scoffed Hajime fondly, “Written out of some hole in the wall motel in middle of nowhere Kansas.”

“Yeah.”

“Daichi, you’ll come back though right?”

“Yeah, I’ll come back,” Daichi said, unsure if he meant it.

“Good because I don’t know how long I can keep my sanity stuck alone with these guys.”

“You’ll live,” Daichi told him.

“I know I’ll live, it’s just at what cost,” laughed Hajime. “Hey Daichi, can you promise me one more thing? Will you let your family know you’re okay too? Your mom was really upset when I talked to her yesterday.”

“Shit.”

“I know it’s weird between you all but she’s worried about you and it won’t kill you to just let her know you’re okay.”

“Okay, I will,” Daichi said.

“You’ve got a place when you come back. And Daichi, I’m sorry, about Austin.”

“It’s fine. Don’t murder him. I don’t want to visit you in prison.”

“Are you sure? I’d look great in an orange jumpsuit. You could always spring me from the clink, we’ll flee the country.”

“We’d have to bring Tooru.”

“True, dragging Tooru along might be a pain.”

“Iwa-chan,” Daichi could hear the complaint in the background, and Hajime laughing. “Daichi, are you alive?” Tooru’s voice getting much closer as he took the phone.

“I’m alive, Tooru,” Daichi answered him. “No worries.”

“Hajime’s been worried sick, you stupid asshole,” Tooru said, “Don’t pull a disappearing act like that again!”

“Tooru,” Hajime took the phone back to more complaining. “We’ve got to run, our team’s got a game this afternoon. Probably gonna lose it without you.”

“Yeah whatever, I don’t even play half the time,” Daichi argued back.

“Well, that half of the time is usually when we’re winning,” Hajime said. “Call me later, okay?”

“Okay. Bye Hajime.”

“Later, Dai.”

Daichi hung up and pulled up his mom’s contact. Talking to her would not be as easy as Hajime.

Instead he dug out his laptop to boot up and begin it. The great American novel. The blank document blinking at him. A taunt. A challenge. His fingers hovered over the keys.

\--

_It was a conversation that had never happened. He’d told his mother who had reddened and patted his head and told him she thought he was wrong._

_“You’ve always liked girls, Dai,” she’d said with an indulgent smile like she thought he was kidding. He’d finally gotten up the nerve over winter break after freshman year of college, after Hajime had started dating Tooru and he’d finally realized that he was standing in his own way of being happy. Denying it to himself and everyone else. It was unspoken between he and Hajime; somehow he figured Hajime had always known, the casual way they had gone from horny teenagers pretending they were into girls to walks home from high school saying did you seen Michael at swim practice? Daichi laughing with Hajime, elbowing each other, faces flushed. Hajime’s parents had taken it in stride when he’d come out to them, Daichi had hoped somehow his would as well._

_Instead he had his mom rinsing out her coffee mug at the sink and telling him he didn’t know what he was talking about. Telling him it wasn’t something he should joke about. He’d swallowed up all the words he’d wanted to say after about the guy he’d been seeing, wondering if it’d be okay for him to come to family Christmas, sure now neither of those were good ideas. He hadn’t even dared after that to tell his dad. Though his mother must’ve told him either way because of the space that opened up between them. Sure his dad had always been a little strict, he’d always shook his head at Daichi and Hajime’s surfing, always asking Daichi if there were any girls he was interested in. Daichi had gone on dates with girls before he’d really realized, and he’d liked them okay as friends, just when it came to kissing, to anything beyond that, he felt like an actor in a role he had signed up for but did not want. He was always the one to end it, make his excuses, there was somebody else, he’d say or I’m not looking for a relationship right now, or the real heartbreaker, let’s just be friends, which he had always said in earnest and been horrified when the girl started to cry._

_When he’d wanted to move home for the summer after his first year of college, it came with uncomfortable moments and conversations that danced around Daichi’s social life, people he could not bring home, his parents started treating Hajime like he was a bad influence, like maybe they thought Daichi was gay because of him, gay for him. Hajime had rolled his eyes at that, Daichi settling on a permanent basis into the Iwaizumis’ basement, they’d surfed more and gotten lost in the stream of sunny days, part time jobs. Hajime had Tooru and Daichi had his family’s secondhand shame._

_“So you’re gay,” Takashi had said one afternoon when Daichi had arrived at his parents’ house looking for something he’d left in his room, when he knew they’d both be at work, when he wouldn’t have to endure his mother’s uneasy game of twenty questions and his father’s conspicuous silence. Takashi had leaned against Daichi’s doorframe, he’d hit his growth spurt tall and lanky where Daichi shorter and solid. He turned in surprise. “So what?” Takashi had said, “You’re just going to avoid us forever?”_

_That was when there had still been an ‘us’ that was Takashi and their parents. Another three years and Takashi would move out and stop speaking to them, somehow Daichi going from the black sheep to the good son because at least he’d answer his mom’s phone calls, he’d show up on birthdays and holidays and endure their judgment, the offhandedly cruel things his mother said unintentionally, the grimacing tense chats with his dad wherein was clear that he was not living up to any of his expectations, something that only loosened when he’d joined the force._

\--

“Koushi, I’m going to do it.”

Koushi had just barely woken up to the ringing of his phone, had picked it up solely because it was Yui calling, rubbing his eyes, it was much too early to be awake and somehow too late. He was all mixed up, unsure even what time it was right now, the meager light creeping through his mostly shut curtains was hardly a hint at all.

“Going to do what?” he groaned pushing himself up onto an elbow. It was almost eight according to his alarm clock. He didn’t remember when he’d gone to sleep, Saeko had done the overnight last night, Yui was the opener.

“I’m going to ask Sawamura out,” Yui whispered conspiratorially over the phone. Koushi swallowed hard, his stomach tying into a knot. There wasn’t really anything wrong with what Yui had said so why did hearing it make him feel like sick to his stomach?

“Hell yeah, where are you going to take him?” Koushi croaked trying to mask the unsettled feeling.

“You’re okay with it right?” Yui sounded uncertain now reading right through Koushi’s fake happiness, “God, it’s probably weird that I’m asking him out, he is a guest after all. Is that against the rules? Are you going to fire me?” She was halfway joking, and Koushi laughed raspily, throat dry.

“Why wouldn’t I be okay with it? He’s hot, you’re hot, what’s there to object to?”

“Yeah, but Koushi,” she trailed off, a question she wasn’t going to ask.

“Sorry, I just woke up, I didn’t sleep well,” Koushi filled in as if to explain his gloom away, “Go get ‘em, Yui.” He sank back beneath the quilt pulling it up to his ears.

Yui was leaning on the counter when Daichi entered the office to rebook his room for another night, or he supposed, not just another night--

“Charge me for a week,” he told her offering her his credit card, willing his hands not to shake, trying hard not to picture the mounting balance he’d grimaced at on his computer screen last night.

“Want to stay in the treehouse or try something else?” she asked cheerily, smiling up at him.

“I’ll stay in the treehouse,” he said. Yui ran it through the system and handed him back his card.

“I don’t think we’ve ever had someone living out of the motel before,” she said after a moment, leaning eagerly forward. “What’s your story?”

“I’m not living out of the motel,” Daichi said defensively, “But do you know Koushi is?”

“Koushi is different,” Yui said shaking her head. “Speaking of, I’m switching him out of some of his overnights, so I’m done at noon. Are you… would you want to go get lunch? I can show you this great diner in town.”

“The one past the grocery store?”

“No, that one’s so basic, this one’s downtown,” she told him still smiling, cheeks flushed, she had big brown eyes, a pretty woman by all rights. Daichi might’ve considered himself oblivious in some social situations but this one was pretty clear to him and wanted to tell her right then that she had him confused for something he was not.

“Not as a date, right?” he asked carefully instead.

“No, no date,” Yui reddened and laughed him off. “I just thought maybe you’d want a local’s insight, show you something you might’ve missed.”

“Okay, I’m in then,” Daichi told her and she grinned.

“Meet me here at noon.”

Daichi came back at noon, still a little concerned about damage he might be doing, to find Koushi digging in the two big flower pots outside the office door. Prior to now they’d been empty, but he was pressing in tiny tender plants now, humming to himself as he did so. Daichi wondered if he’d worked overnight last night and had gotten any sleep between then and now. He looked exhausted.

“Hey, look who it is,” Koushi greeted him, “Yui said you’re sticking around for a while?”

“Another week,” Daichi said.

“That’s cool,” Koushi looked back to the plants with a funny expression he was clearly trying to hide, “And you’re taking her out to lunch?”

“She’s going to show me a diner in town.”

“Don’t let her take you to the one by the grocery store. It’s okay but there’s better places to eat,” Koushi glanced back at him.

“It’s not that one.”

“Oh good,” Koushi wouldn’t meet his eyes, pressing the dirt in around the plant.

“Is something up?”

“Nothing’s up, have a nice lunch. Yui’s nice, you guys’ll have fun,” Koushi said waving him off. Daichi was about to open the office door when Yui popped out. She’d thrown on some lip gloss and changed into a different top, beaming at him, face glowing. Noticing these things, the nagging worry resurfaced. Koushi was firmly not looking at either one of them.

“Alright Koushi, I’m leaving,” Yui sang.

“Have fun,” Koushi called enthusiasm ringing false.

“What’s his problem?” Daichi asked stuffing his hands in his pockets as he followed Yui to her hatchback.

“Ehhh, he’s just jealous I’m not taking him out to lunch,” Yui said.

“The real problem is Tripmates,” Yui said as they sat down at the diner. “Koushi didn’t used to be this stressed out. He takes too much on. I want to help him but he always says he’s fine doing it all on his own.” Daichi wouldn’t have come into the place, because of the beat up exterior but the food was really good. Yui rattled on, poking at her macaroni and cheese while he downed the hamburger. “We got one really bad review and it’s been an uphill battle against it.”

“What was it about?”

“It was about Koushi,” Yui said with a sigh, “So he feels like it’s all his fault. And like okay, maybe it is if you look at it that way, but he was justified, the guy who wrote it was totally an asshole. We tried to report it as false but the Tripmates won’t take it down.”

“But Koushi is the best?”

“He really is,” Yui sighed again, and Daichi found himself wondering then if her sighs weren’t because the situation was exhausting but because maybe she _liked_ Koushi. But Koushi had a girlfriend. That was the splinter in all this. Daichi shifted in his seat.

“Can I get you two some dessert? Pie? Milkshake?” the blonde girl asked, hair tied to one side, smiling shyly at them.

“I’m okay, Hitoka. Daichi?”

“I wouldn’t say no to pie,” Daichi admitted. He hadn’t had a good meal in a long time, though every time he flashed his credit card there was a growing pit in his stomach. It would catch up with him. It was only a matter of time.

“We’ve got apple, French silk, peach, cherry, peanut butter,” Hitoka listed them off on her fingers.

“Ooh, get the French silk,” said Yui giving Daichi a grin.

“I’ll take that then,” Daichi agreed though what he’d really wanted was the apple. Hitoka brought it out with two forks and Daichi slid the plate between them.

“I’m okay,” Yui tried to turn him down but relented when he insisted. Soon the pie was gone and Daichi pulled out his phone.

“I’ll write you a good review. The Blue Moon is a great motel.”

“Would you really?” Yui’s eyes were bright leaning over his shoulder as he pulled up the Tripmates website and searched for the Blue Moon. The picture that came up was not a great image, the sign looked worse than its current form. He scrolled down to the reviews. The review that showed first was a one star from a ‘Ron’, from seven months ago. He found himself reading.

“Daichi don’t,” Yui tried to stop him.

_Do not stay here! Your first warning should be the empty pool in the middle of the summer. Sure it might be the middle of the night and maybe you can’t keep your eyes open but it’d be better to die in a ditch than stop at this motel. Our room was musty, and tastelessly decorated. The parking lot was gravel and muddy. Our truck nearly got stuck trying to leave. But the worst part is the staff, especially Koushi in the front office who was nothing but rude to me and my wife. Refused to help us carry our luggage up to the room on the second floor even though we’d booked a first floor room. Would not let us change rooms, claiming the motel was full when it clearly is not. Insulted us to our faces. Charged us for damages that we did not do._

Daichi was frowning at the review, that didn’t sound like Koushi at all.

“Here’s the real story,” Yui said. “That man and his wife came in, they got drunk, they wrecked that room, and when Koushi charged them for the damages, the guy called Koushi and I things I will not repeat,” Yui tucked her hair behind her ear with a scowl. “Koushi threatened to beat the guy’s ass. He went out and got a gun from his car, he shot out the M in the sign. Koushi told him to get off the property and then his wife called the cops when Koushi didn’t back down. Except the sheriff knows Koushi. He took those racist assholes down to the station to sober up. I think they were fined,” Yui said shaking her head. “We thought that was the end of it until this popped up.”

“What the fuck,” Daichi said.

“Right? We’ve got our share of shitty guests but we’d never had anyone like them. Koushi bought the shotgun after that.”

“Shotgun?” Hitoka had come to clear their plates and deliver the bill, “Has Sal been out at the Blue Moon again?”

Yui sighed heavily.

“Couple of days ago.”

“He never learns does he? How’s Koushi doing? Last time I saw him he looked really tired,” Hitoka’s brow furrowed.

“That’s Koushi alright,” Yui agreed. “He’s about the same.”

“When was the last day he took off? I never see him in town anymore.”

“Not since Yutaro went back to school,” Yui sighed again.

“But that’s been…!”

“Too long.”

“How long?” Daichi asked.

“Probably three months,” Yui counted them on her fingers, “Three or four.”

“That’s too long.”

“Tell me about it. But try getting him to take a day off. He only let me take some of his overnights after serious pestering. He didn’t used to work so many of them. I think that’s why he and Marie are at odds,” Yui said. “You met Marie didn’t you?”

“She seemed nice,” Daichi said shrugging.

“Yeah she is nice. Koushi’s been dating her since high school. I lost a bet three years ago that they’d be married already.”

“So it’s serious?” Daichi tried to keep the disappointment out of his voice, unsure where it’d come from. He’d known all this time Koushi already had a girlfriend. And honestly that right there should’ve been enough of a warning that he didn’t have a chance. _When did I start thinking about it as having a chance?_

“It was,” Yui said pulling out her card to pay for their check. “But now…”

“No, I’ve got it,” Daichi protested opening his wallet.

“No, I invited you, it’s my treat,” Yui said.

“But now what?” Daichi had to ask as Hitoka whisked away the bill and Yui’s card.

“I don’t know. I shouldn’t talk about Koushi’s business,” Yui said biting her lip. “Why are we talking so much about him anyway? Tell me more about you, Daichi?”

Daichi flushed.

“Not much to say,” he said scratching his neck.

“Oh come on, you’re on a cross country road trip right? That’s something.”

“Sure,” Daichi agreed.

“You’re from California right? Were you born there? Have any family? A girlfriend?” Yui pressed on smiling like what she was asking were easy, no pressure questions.

“Yeah, California,” Daichi agreed.

“Girlfriend?”

“Uh, no. I,” Daichi tried to shove the feelings rising in his chest back, “I was dating a guy, but not anymore.” Color seeped into Yui’s face.

“So you’re…” Yui couldn’t say it, she was truly red now. Daichi smiled at her.

“Yeah I’m gay,” Daichi said and elbowed her. “You okay there? Take a breath.” Yui exhaled a nervous laugh, pressing her palms to her cheeks.

“Sorry, I’m just…”

“That’s why I asked to make sure this wasn’t a date, I didn’t want to give you the wrong impression.”

“Oh!” she brightened a little able to look at him again. “I just thought you were being shy. You’re really handsome, Daichi,” she smiled at him still red, “And really nice. Any guy would be lucky to have you.”

Heat crept into Daichi’s face, heart aching for a second.

“Same goes for you,” he told her, she laughed again.

“Stop flirting with me.”

“How about you and Koushi?” Daichi asked. Yui smiled and rolled her eyes.

“Even if he wasn’t dating Marie, we’ve been friends our whole lives. We kissed once in sophomore year of high school,” she smiled fondly. “No chemistry there, I wish it was, Koushi doesn’t love in half measures.”

“Except Marie?”

Yui propped her chin up on a palm and turned to Daichi with a look.

“What’s it with you and all your questions about Koushi?” she asked him. Hitoka conveniently chose this time to reappear with Yui’s card and the receipt.

Daichi gratefully turned to her with a smile. “Everything was really good, thank you,” he told her and her face lit up.

“I’ll pass that on to the chef,” she squeaked nodding to him. Yui was still waiting for an answer but Daichi got to his feet instead. It wasn’t anything about Koushi, he tried to convince himself, he was just curious, if anything he was just pretending he was a detective again, if he asked enough questions he’d eventually solve the puzzle. Except this puzzle wasn’t who robbed a convenience store, or who shot a man on a residential street at three in the morning, it was why his heart hurt a little less, beat a little bit harder when he thought about the motel clerk with the warm hazel eyes.

Yui dropped Daichi back off at the motel before heading home. Koushi was no longer outside working on the pots, his finished work looked good, it’d look even better with some sunlight and warmth. It was hard to believe that it was April with the way it was still so cold. He thought for a moment about stopping into the office to tell Koushi he liked them, but thought about Marie again. That they were serious enough Yui had a bet they’d get married. That they’d dated since high school. If Koushi was the same age as him that’d be a long time to date somebody. Five years? Six? Maybe eight if they’d started dating earlier? Daichi didn’t want to think about it. Then he saw the gnomes, one by each pot on the either side of the door. He couldn’t walk away from that. He opened the door to the office to find Koushi was checking in an old mustached man with an old school style suitcase. He looked like a time traveler out of every black and white movie Daichi had ever seen, in a suit, all he needed was a little bowler hat.

Inside Koushi had taken down the green streamers the internal décor now holiday neutral. That made him sad and he wasn’t quite sure why. When at last Koushi had finished his spiel and the man had accepted his key and turned for the door that was when Koushi’s eyes finally fell on Daichi and then quickly away to organize the paperwork on the desk.

“Those pots look good,” Daichi said, “I like the gnomes outside. It feels more natural that way.”

“Glad you like it,” Koushi said, “How was your date?”

“Not a date,” Daichi told him.

“Are you sure Yui knew that?”

“Not a date,” Daichi repeated. He thought about what Yui had asked him. _What’s it with you and all your questions about Koushi?_

“Yui’s really nice, she’d make a great girlfriend,” Koushi said not meeting his eyes.

“I’m not the girlfriend kind.”

“You’re not the girlfriend kind?” Koushi looked up at him with squinted eyes. And then he raised his eyebrows.

“I’m the gay kind,” Daichi finally exhaled when it was clear he wasn’t going to get a further reaction from Koushi than the mystified skepticism.

“Oh! Why didn’t you just say that?” Koushi said, “Not the girlfriend kind? That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard,” he flushed with half of a laugh, eyes brightening at him, “Thanks for clearing it up though. Did you tell Yui that?”

“I did tell Yui that.”

“Okay good, now I can laugh at her when she comes back later. She’s been mooning over you for the last three days.” Koushi leaned forward on the desk, his eyes lit up, lips parted. He wanted to say something else, Daichi was absolutely certain, but then he shut his mouth and leaned back a little.

“What happened to the rest of the gnomes?”

“Back into the shed,” Koushi said with visible disappointment. “I wanted to put them all outside the door but that seemed like I was asking to have them get picked off one by one. Probably by Sal, that bastard. Or there’s these kids that always bike through the parking lot and throw trash in the pool. One of those punks.”

“Sal didn’t come back did he?”

“Not yet. But you’ll see, Daichi, it’s not a matter of _if_ he’ll come back, but _when_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next time: not the girlfriend kind


	3. Division and Addition

“He’s late.” Yui was tapping her fingers anxiously on the desk. Daichi had come for a cup of coffee. He’d been writing all afternoon, and had come down more for an excuse to walk away than anything.

“How late?”

“Thirty minutes? He’s never late,” Yui said biting her lip. “I tried calling but it went right to voicemail.”

“I can go up and knock if you want?” Daichi offered. Now was too busy for Yui to just leave the desk, even as he asked her the question, a family had arrived to check in.

“If you don’t mind,” Yui said.

At Koushi’s door, Daichi knocked and waited in the April chill. The second time he tried, he was deeply certain Koushi was either not home or had no intention of answering the door. But then the door was unlocking and meeting him at the threshold was Koushi but not a Koushi he’d seen before, eyes red rimmed leaning against the door frame, hair disheveled.

“Koushi?”

Koushi’s jaw tightened and his eyes filled.

“What happened? Are you okay?”

Koushi could only shake his head. He sucked in a breath.

“I broke up with Marie.” He rubbed his eyes and steeled his expression.

“Shit,” Daichi said, “that sucks.”

“I thought I was fine but,” he gulped it down. “Daichi, I can’t work tonight.” His hazel eyes were swimming. “Can you ask Yui to stay? That’s why she sent you up here right?” He rubbed his eyes again with a hiccup.

“Don’t worry, we’ll sort it out,” Daichi promised him and headed back down the stairs. Yui shook her head when Daichi told her.

“Daichi, I can’t stay, I’ve got to get home, I was supposed to help my parents tonight.”

“He broke up with Marie.”

Yui bit her lip.

“I’ll call Saeko.”

Saeko couldn’t come in until after eleven.

“That’s four hours,” Yui groaned.

“Show me,” Daichi said.

“What?”

“I’ll watch the desk.”

“Daichi, you’re a life saver,” Yui exhaled and threw her arms around his neck. Yui gave him a quick tutorial of the ancient computer reservation system. An overview of the rooms. A stern reminder to make sure he told everyone the pool was not filled and they needed to check out by eleven or else. Then she fled, leaving Daichi to the uneasiness of a first day on the job. The first thirty minutes were fine when there was no one checking in, and then right on time four people all at once were waiting while Daichi clicked around on the computer trying to set up their booking the way Yui had showed him. He made it halfway through before he came to a halt, a hurdle he couldn’t get over, pouring sweat as the four people in the office stared at him.

“Sorry, this is my first day, I’m going to go grab my supervisor,” he told them and ran upstairs. He felt bad for Koushi but figured Koushi would probably prefer him to bother him than to turn these guests away because he couldn’t figure it out. He cursed himself for not getting Yui to leave him her phone number. His knocks must’ve sounded desperate because Koushi answered much quicker this time.

“Daichi,” he grinned sloppily, “You come to get drunk with me?” he asked with a hiccup, “Sympathy drink.”

“Oh no, oh no,” Daichi exhaled, Koushi was drunk, face red, in a t-shirt and his underwear, holding a tumbler of unknown liquid. “I’m at the front desk. I can’t book a guest. I need help.” Koushi laughed.

“Where’s Yui?”

“She left. It’s just me.”

“That’s stupid,” Koushi told him, “I’ll help ya, Daichi and then you can come back and get drunk with me.”

“Koushi, you’re already drunk.”

“That’s what I want you to think,” Koushi giggled with a wink, pushing his way out the door.

“Just tell me, you can’t come down, you’re not wearing pants.”

“I can’t tell you. Gotta show you. Where are my pants?” Koushi turned around at the mess that was his room.

“Jesus,” Daichi pushed his way into the room and seized on the first thing that looked like pants, shoving the sweats into Koushi’s hands. Koushi set down his drink, giggling as he tried with limited success to negotiate his legs into the sweatpants. Daichi forced him to sit on the bed and put his sweatpants on, feeding his feet through the leg holes, then pulling them up Koushi’s thighs.

“You’re good at this,” Koushi told him sipping his drink.

“Shut up, leave that drink, they’re waiting,” Daichi said dragging him out of the room, unsure that this wasn’t actually a completely awful idea.

Somehow all four people were still waiting, the booking Daichi had started hadn’t timed out, and Koushi did an almost believable imitation of a sober person, except for that he kept giggling, and the fact that he smelled like strong liquor. He picked out each person’s room with great deliberation, handing the keys over as Daichi filled out the booking. When the last one had left, Daichi could see Koushi’s eyes were looking watery again, he was wobbling on his feet.

“Daichi, can I go back?” he asked miserably.

“Won’t you stay and help me?” Daichi had to ask fairly certain the instant Koushi went back upstairs that he’d have another impossible problem to solve. One tear escaped Koushi’s eyes, and he rubbed his fists into them, lip wobbling.

“You can just sit down here on the floor, I’ll go get your drink.”

“Daichi, you’re my best friend,” Koushi said in answer to that, knees still wobbling, he caught ahold of Daichi’s arm to steady himself. Daichi helped him lower himself to the ground and then taking the steps two at a time back to Koushi’s apartment to collect his drink and top it off. It felt wrong on some level but Koushi was the manager and if he thought it was fine, then it would be fine. Koushi was wiping his eyes again when Daichi came back with the drink.

“Thanks,” he mumbled as Daichi sat down in the chair.

“You want some?” Koushi asked after a gulp and a wince. “You made this strong. Trying to get me wasted?” he asked with a wobbling laugh.

“I’m good, one of us should probably be sober.”

“Probably,” Koushi acknowledged leaning his head back against the wall, tunelessly humming a song. “You know this song? Can you sing Daichi?”

“Sure, everyone can sing, it’s just a matter of quality.”

“I’m sure you sing great,” Koushi said, with his eyes shut. “Deep sultry baritone.” The door jingled open and Koushi continued to hum tunelessly. Daichi prodded him with his toe as he leaned forward to greet the person who had just entered. He was carrying a pizza bag.

“I’ve got a pizza for Koushi Sugawara?” the man asked.

“Present,” Koushi said from below.

“I’ll take it,” Daichi told him.

“Alright macho man, that’ll be twenty bucks,” the pizza man said. Koushi dug through sweatpants for his wallet but came up with nothing, Daichi handed over cash from his own pocket. “Enjoy, man,” the pizza man said handing over the box which Daichi passed down to Koushi.

Koushi opened it in his lap and took out a slice. The door jingling as the pizza man left. “Daichi, sing me a song.”

“I’m not going to sing you a song.”

“But you said you could sing.”

“I didn’t say I could sing well,” Daichi felt a flinch of embarrassment, imagining himself trying to hold a tune in front of Koushi.

“Come on Daichi, I’m so _sad_ and hearing you sing will make me feel better,” Koushi said giving him a wicked smile.

“What do you want me to sing?” And as soon as he’d said it, Daichi knew he’d made a mistake. Koushi giggled again and took a drink. He offered Daichi the pizza box.

“Sing me a happy song.”

Daichi stared into the box at the pizza trying to summon the nerve. The door jingled again and he was saved for the time being by a trucker looking for a room. Daichi did this one mostly on his own, Koushi only wobbling to his knees to take another slice of pizza. Daichi reached for one of the keys he did not recognize to hand over.

“Ehh, not that ‘un,” Koushi told him, “Jungle cruise instead, 220.” Daichi switched the keys, the trucker peering over the desk down at Koushi as he took a bite of his pizza. Koushi gave him a little wave.

“What’s the difference between those two rooms?” Daichi asked when the man had gone “They’re both king size beds, both second floor.” Koushi reached to grab another slice, but changed his mind, plucking half a pepperoni off instead.

“It’s all ‘bout theme, Daichi,” he rolled his eyes, leaning his head back against the wall, “Y’were going to give him one that says _honeymoon_. Rude.”

“Would you show me all the rooms?” Daichi asked. Koushi’s face brightened.

“Sure!” he chirped moving as if he was going to get to his feet, then toppling to the side with a confused giggle.

“Not tonight,” Daichi told him.

“Why not?”

“I don’t think you can stand up.”

“I can stand up. I’ll prove it,” Koushi pushed himself up, grabbing hold of Daichi’s chair and swaying dangerously he rose to his feet, Daichi caught his arm as he started leaning back.

“Fuck, I’m drunk,” Koushi said, with a sad giggle, and then he was leaning hard the other direction, Daichi getting to his feet to lower Koushi back down.

“I’ll get you some water.”

“Nooo, don’t try to sober me up, I finally stopped crying,” Koushi said downing the rest of the liquid in his glass. “Make me another one?”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Then lemme go back to my room. You can be all alone down here,” Koushi said pouting at him cartoonishly, crossing his arms, tilting to one side. Groaning Daichi grabbed his glass and marched back upstairs. This drink he went heavy of the soda and much easier on the alcohol. Koushi was blinking heavy eyelids when Daichi came back.

“There was a lady who said the ice machine is a- isn’t working,” he said as Daichi handed him the glass.

“The ice machine never works.”

“She needs ice, you gotta go manhandle it.”

“I need to what?”

“Just kick it a coupla times, and then a good karate chop rightabout here,” Koushi closing his eyes demonstrating with his hand. “Until it makes a clacking sound like, uh, sounds like it's thinking, it goes gruhhhhhhh, and you can hear the ice cubes chattering inside and then’ll work.”

“Koushi, I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Daichi said.

“Justa whack it a couple of times, if you can’t get it, teller you’ll have to call a tech- a technical- a technician in the morning,” Koushi stumbled through his words, “She’s not specting a miracle you just gotta demonstrate that you care and you’re willing to try,” Koushi said. “You made this drink weak. It takes like only soda.”

“There is alcohol in there,” Daichi promised with a heavy sigh, moving past the desk to head for the door to go karate chop the ice machine.

Koushi did not feel well. He’d drunk too much, his stomach making vaguely ominous gurgles. He felt like what he really needed was to just throw up, but his whole body felt so heavy, and when he tried to move everything started going the wrong direction. Daichi kept looking at him with those pity eyes and that made everything worse. He’d decided that had to break up with Marie, but that didn’t mean the separation didn’t hurt, that the things she’d said to him didn’t hurt, because they really fucking did. At some point, long ago, he’d thought they’d be together forever. He’d imagined a family, kids, picket fence and all that but somehow between then and now, things had changed. He’d changed. He knew Yui was right that he was holding Marie back, that he was holding himself back, but staying together was comfortable. Without Marie he felt like a rock sling-shot into space, suddenly picking up speed as he was flung into the unknown. There was possibility out there but also the dark void of space.

Daichi took a long time coming back, so long and Koushi’s eyelids were so heavy that he thought it must be nearly morning. Daichi looked proud when he appeared behind the desk though. Koushi dragged his eyelids open to smile sloppily up at Daichi. He looked so proud of himself, t-shirt just right over his broad shoulders. God, Daichi was so handsome, Koushi felt like he was going to die.

“Ice?”

“I got it,” Daichi told him, “This is a game changer. You should’ve told me that a week ago, I would’ve gotten so much ice.”

“Well y’know what they say,” Koushi said smiling to himself. Daichi cocked his head. Like a cute puppy dog. A cute, cute puppy dog. With big brown puppy dog eyes…

“What do they say?”

“They say…” Koushi frowned. What did they say? Oh! “They say ice guys finish last.”

“Okay?”

“Like, uh,” Koushi found himself gazing up into Daichi’s warm brown eyes and he lost track of his thought. It floated away like a helium balloon on a windy day. “Fuck y’have pretty eyes.” He said.

“Koushi, you’re not making any sense.”

“They’re fucking pretty, like, like…” Koushi struggled for a simile that was intense enough. _Chocolate? No. More like wine if wine was brown. Maybe bourbon? Is that brown or amber? How much rum did Daichi put in this coke? Not nearly enough._ Daichi was shaking his head, the pinch in his brows made Koushi want to giggle, although it wasn’t funny. It actually made him sad and he suddenly wanted to laugh because he couldn’t handle feeling anymore sad. So he decided to laugh and it came out all weird sounding, and the pinch in Daichi’s brow got deeper, the black hole of despair beginning to reopen in Koushi’s chest, he felt himself sinking in. Then the door was jingling again and Daichi looked up and let out a relieved sigh.

“Saeko,” he said.

“I heard our boy is suffering,” she said coming up to the desk to grab a now cold slice of pizza and then peering down at Koushi. “’Sup, boss.”

“Hiya, Sae-chan,” Koushi felt so tired, his eyelids heavy as weights. The glass was slipping in his grip and then he could feel it spilling over his fingers, wet soaking into the thighs of his sweatpants. “Shit,” he mumbled, Daichi reaching to pull the glass out of his grip. He tossed back the rest of the drink, which wasn’t much and then reached for Koushi’s hand.

“Let’s get you upstairs,” he said.

“Finally,” sighed Koushi. “I need another drink.”

Saeko cackled.

“Boss, I think we’re gonna have to cut you off.”

“Just onemore,” Koushi slurred as Daichi slid Koushi’s arm over his shoulder, and slung his own arm around Koushi’s waist to hold him upright. His whole body felt tingly at that. He could feel the heat radiating from Daichi’s body. _God, Daichi’s body._ Daichi with an arm around his waist, he could feel the palm of Daichi’s hand against his ribs, lightheaded. He wavered and Daichi pulled him closer.

“Want some help?” Saeko offered.

“Nah, I’ve got him,” Daichi said. Koushi wanted to add something witty back, like _Don’t talk about me like I’m a sack of potatoes!_ But all he managed was a low weary sound, maybe like a groan and he remembered then that he needed to throw up.

Poor Daichi. Poor, poor Daichi.

“I’m sorry,” Koushi moaned afterwards, Saeko had set him down in the chair, head between his knees. Daichi was wiping off his shoes. The ankles of his pants were bad too. All Daichi had tried to do all night was make Koushi feel better and this was how he repaid him? Before he could stop them, big tears were rolling down Koushi’s cheeks, he sniffed, rubbing the back of a hand against his eye. Then there was warmth on his shoulder, Daichi’s hand.

“It’s fine, I needed to wash these pants anyway. Come on, doesn’t laying down in bed sound nice? We’ll get you upstairs.”

This time Saeko took Koushi’s other arm and the three of them hobbled up the flight of steps and into Koushi’s apartment. Saeko whistled at the mess as they sat Koushi down on the edge of his bed.

“You need to do some spring cleaning, boss,” she told him. Koushi couldn’t answer, choked by the tears that kept coming. He didn’t even feel sad anymore, just tired. Saeko trotted off back down to the office and Daichi pulled off Koushi’s house slippers.

“If it makes you feel better there’s puke on your pants too,” Daichi told him. “I’m gonna pull them off, okay? Do you consent?”

Koushi made a wobbly sound of that, almost a snorting laugh but much wetter. He fumbled with the waistband to help Daichi get them down. Daichi was close now, and Koushi thought for a flash of a moment, what if I kissed him? His feelings felt all haywire, Daichi pulling off his pants, the way he kept looking at him like he was something precious, which Koushi hated but somehow also made him feel whole. Singular. Important. Then gently Daichi was laying him back onto the bed, Koushi’s fingers curled into the collar of his shirt, his head a haze. Daichi’s eyes flashed in alarm, their faces close. Koushi felt dizzy. _Just kiss me. Just lean forward and kiss me. God, I don’t want to be alone. Don’t let me be alone_.

Then Daichi’s hand was against his forehead.

“You feel hot,” he said softly. Koushi released him. Maybe he’d imagined all the moments before this, the times he thought he’d caught Daichi looking at him. No, it was all for nothing. It was as much of a rejection as anything. _He might be gay but I’m not his type._ The tears swelled up again. Daichi brushed them away.

“It’ll be okay, Koushi,” he said, smoothing his bangs back. Koushi’s forehead was sweaty and he felt regret that Daichi had to touch it. Daichi pulled up the blankets to his chest, propping him on his side with a pillow to his back, bringing him a trashcan, while the tears kept coming.

_I don’t deserve this. I don’t deserve any of this._

“Koushi?” Daichi looked so worried sitting back down beside him. Koushi sniffed reaching a hand to rub his eyes.

“Go,” he mumbled, “M’okay.”

“It’s okay, I can stay,” Daichi said, and Koushi felt the knot in his chest unwinding, the tears coming again. _I don’t deserve this._

“Didn’t you say I should come get drunk with you after work? I’ll go get a drink and stay, though it’s going to take me a while to get on your level,” he said with half a smile, prodding Koushi’s shoulder. Koushi gave a wet snort, eyes still swimming.

“S’if you could geton my level.”

Daichi stood up to move for Koushi’s cupboards.

“I don’t know if I want to try,” Daichi said and Koushi shut his eyes, listening to the sounds of Daichi in his kitchen, a soothing sort of soundtrack, and then eventually the creaking of the springs on his bed as Daichi climbed in to sit beside him. He didn’t say anything but knowing he was there made it better. Koushi drifted.

\--

Daichi was gone in the morning. And some part of Koushi, perhaps the part that was not throwing up again before sitting in the bathtub under a hot shower until the water went cold, was disappointed by that. Yui came by before noon bringing lunch from their favorite diner. At this point Koushi had crawled back into bed, burrowed under the covers, feeling drained and miserable. Yui sat in bed with him like Daichi had the night before, except needling him until he was weakly snapping back at her, slowly eating the sandwich alternately grateful and feeling like he was going to puke again. She forced a huge glass of water on him and a promise she’d work his shift tonight.

Yui ran her fingers through his hair thoughtfully.

“So you finally did it?” she asked settling her hand, thumb on the center of his forehead. Koushi opened his eyes to look up at her.

“Are you mad at me too?”

“Koushi, I practically begged you to do it. I’m proud,” she said, “Do you feel better?”

“No,” he said closing his eyes, thinking of Daichi again supporting him up the stairs, sitting beside him last night, all the humiliating tears he’d cried, the lump rose in his throat again but he choked it down, Yui’s face blurring. He felt untethered.

“Do you wish you hadn’t?” she asked resuming the rhythmic stroking, it felt good, it reminded him for a moment of his mother, sitting on the porch when he’d worried to her about Kansas City about leaving her and Kenji behind. The smile she’d cracked at him, cigarette in her fingers, her hair the same color as his, long and sweeping across her shoulders, still in her nurse’s scrubs, her eyes like Kenji’s, nutmeg brown. She’d wrapped an arm around him. _“Tomorrow will take care of itself, no need to worry about it now, baby,”_ she’d promised him, pressing her lips to the side of his head and ruffling his hair. Koushi had batted her off, rolling his eyes, huffing with the frustration of being eighteen and getting to his feet. God, if he could go back in time and sit back down and let her comfort him, tell him all of this would work out, settle back into her hug.

“Koushi?” Yui brought him back to the present, hand stilling again.

“Not really,” he finally answered her question. “I had to do it. I just didn’t think it would hurt so bad.”

“She’ll get over it, it’s not like you’ve been ring shopping or talking of buying a house or some shit,” Yui said, “She had to know on some level where your head’s been at.”

“I guess,” Koushi sighed. Unsure if he bought into the idea that all the hurt he was feeling was solely over Marie’s pain. She’d cried, sure, two big tears running down her pretty face. Had asked him why and he’d had to stammer out his reasoning, then the shift as her brows had narrowed on him, the harsh accusation that if it had been so long since he’d loved her what had he been hanging around on. The admission he could not force out, that he’d been afraid. Afraid of something he could not visualize, afraid of whatever was coming next, it was easy to settle for the comfort of familiarity and scary as fuck to face the unknowable future.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t be with you last night,” Yui said then, “Daichi said you were in bad shape.”

“Oh,” Koushi flushed with the memory of last night.

“After I sent him up to bring you down to work,” Yui clarified. “You know he stayed to cover until Saeko came in? Like he volunteered to do it. Can you give him a paycheck or something for that? Daichi is my favorite. Is it weird that I just hope he stays for good?”

“Yui, he’s gay,” Koushi chided, she rolled her eyes at him.

“I don’t mean it like that,” Yui said tugging at his hair and Koushi slapped her hand off, “He’s just nice and considerate and I don’t want him to leave. He makes being here interesting again.”

“Wow, rude,” Koushi said and Yui smiled at him. “How do you think he did on his own last night?” Koushi asked then, feigning ignorance, wondering if Yui had talked to him this morning.

“I dunno, I didn’t even talk to Saeko really, except to tell her I was coming up to bother you. Want me to send him your way if I see him? See if he can cheer you up?” Yui poked him in the ribs with a smile, Koushi flinched.

“Nah you can leave him alone,” he said, “I’m sure he’s had more than enough of me by now.” Yui frowned at him and then tugged his ear. “Hey!” Koushi growled, rolling over to punch her thigh.

“Stop doing that,” she scolded him, “I don’t want to hear any more of your negativity. Daichi cares about you. I guarantee you that’s the only reason he offered to help last night. And I bet if I didn’t say anything to him he’d probably show up here on his own anyway.” She ruffled his hair and Koushi bit his lip, not sure he really believed her. There was a knock on the door then, Yui looking meaningfully at Koushi before clambering over him and hopping out of the bed to open the door. She was blocking his view but Koushi recognized his voice.

“How’s he doing?” Daichi asked leaning past Yui to look in.

“He’s doing alright,” Koushi answered propping himself up on an elbow, but Daichi didn’t give him any sort of pitying, knowing look, like he was thinking of the mess of last night, just a shy smile and a wave.

“You want to go for a drive? Get out of here for a bit?”

Yui turned to look at Koushi now too, she was smiling with some degree of vindicated menace and Koushi felt heat creeping up his neck, across his chest. That was not the offer of a man who’d had more than enough of Koushi’s company.

“No, I’ll just stay here, I’m tired,” he answered stiffly, scratching his neck.

“Koushi,” Yui was scolding, “Some fresh air might be nice.”

“Yui’s right,” Daichi agreed, pulling the key from his pocket, “I’ll let you drive.”

Koushi perked at that.

“Daichi,” Yui turned to Daichi, eyebrows up in alarm.

“Yes please,” Koushi pushed himself up staggering out of bed before Yui could talk Daichi out of it.

“He doesn’t have a license,” Yui said.

“I do have a license, don’t lie.”

“You do not.”

“I do! It’s just expired. I can drive, Daichi, please,” Koushi looking around for a clean pair of pants. Yui shook her head.

“I’m going to let Saeko go home. Good luck, Daichi,” she slapped him on the shoulder and slipped past him down the stairs. Koushi dragged a sweatshirt on over the rumpled tee he’d put on after his shower that morning. With Yui gone, Daichi’s shoulders relaxed.

“You’re feeling better?” he asked, surveying the mess. Another thing for Koushi to feel momentarily embarrassed about and then resolve he’d bother with later.

“Yeah, mostly. Yui fed me lunch and the hangover’s gone. I’m just, uh, regular tired,” Koushi stuffed his wallet into his pocket, tugging on shoes.

“You’re really okay to drive?”

“I am. If we get pulled over just tell the cop you’re, uh, helping me practice to retake the exam when I go get my license renewed. Don’t worry about it.”

“I worry, that’s what I do.”

“Just relax, Daichi, everything will be fine,” Koushi said, and punched Daichi in the ribs. Daichi coughed, pushing him off.

“You’re insufferable.”

Koushi sucked in a breath, heart pinching, feeling his good mood tilting. Daichi punched him the shoulder, much gentler than the blow he’d just thrown.

“Dumbass,” he sounded happy and Koushi turned to meet a warm smile, crinkling Daichi’s eyes, hot chocolate brown, crackling fire on a winter’s night. _Oh._

“Yeah, you know you love me,” he teased, unable to keep an answering smile off his face.

“Ready?”

“I’m ready. Hand over the keys,” Koushi said. Daichi put them in his hand and Koushi dodged past him to hurry down the steps. Daichi pulling the door to his room shut behind them. “Hey Daichi, what’s your truck’s zero to sixty?”

“Someone’s in a good mood this morning,” Saeko appeared at the bottom of the steps. “For projectile vomiting last night. Daichi probably had to throw out that pair of shoes.” Daichi laughed and Koushi realized he was wearing different shoes than usual, a bet up pair of converse that had definitely seen better days.

“I needed new shoes eventually. I had an old pair in my truck, it's not a big deal,” Daichi shrugged.

“You owe me one for last night, boss,” Saeko said waving and heading out.

“Sorry about your shoes,” Koushi said.

“Don’t worry about it,” Daichi told him.

It turned out the zero to sixty wasn’t that great, something Koushi didn’t attempt to discover, Daichi noticed, until they were well out of town on the highway, the pickup’s engine snarling.

“Easy, easy, it’s old,” he found himself begging as Koushi pressed the pedal down laughing in a vaguely concerning way. Finally Koushi let up, and the tension eased a little in Daichi’s shoulders although someone else driving his truck still made him nervous. Koushi glanced over his shoulder at the back seat still packed full of boxes and miscellany, a lamp precariously wedged in the center of it all.

“So Daichi,” Koushi said, “What’s with all that?” Daichi looked over his own shoulder at the contents of his life as if he’d forgotten it was there.

“All that?”

“Are you on the run from the law? Did you rob somebody?” Koushi asked.

“Oh,” Daichi laughed uneasily. “Nothing like that. I just…” he leaned back in his seat looking out the window so he didn’t have to meet Koushi’s gaze. “I just had to move out in a hurry, I’m, uh, taking some time off.”

“Time off from a job?” Koushi pestered further. Now trapped in his own truck with him, Daichi couldn’t just keep avoiding Koushi’s questions.

“No job, um. I mean, I had a job. I can keep a job,” he fumbled for the words, he’d told everyone else the force had let him go, but now the truth was tickling in his throat, “I quit. I couldn’t stay. Couldn’t be complicit anymore.”

“Are you a spy?”

Daichi laughed for real this time and Koushi grinned.

“Close.”

“How close?”

“Detective.”

“How is that close?”

“Junior detective actually.”

“That’s not close at all,” Koushi’s eyes were bright. “Okay, so you were a detective. Like a private investigator?”

“Like the police department.”

“Oh,” Koushi looked away. “You’re a cop? And you let the guy without the license drive your car?”

“Not a cop. And I thought you had a license.”

“I do, I do,” Koushi amended grinning again. “What are you doing out in these parts, Officer Sawamura?”

“Not a cop. Detective.”

“What’s the difference?”

“Where are we going?” Daichi didn’t answer the question as Koushi was slowing and turning off the highway onto a back road gravel rattling under the pickup.

“No, keep answering my questions, you’ll know when we get there.”

“So we are going someplace?”

“I’m the detective now, Sawamura. What are you doing in my motel? No lies, or I leave you in a ditch,” the smile Koushi was giving him now was just threatening enough that Daichi felt the pinch of fear. Just a tiny bit though, Koushi’s eyes sparkling.

“Honestly?”

“Honestly.”

“I’m writing a novel.”

“You’re what?” Koushi was laughing again.

“Writing a novel,” Daichi repeated crossing his arms. He’d started weeks ago and it was creeping along, he wasn’t sure exactly where it was going but he’d known since the beginning what it ought to be about. A motel, a front desk clerk, the ocean, the impossibility of the future.

“What’s it about?” Koushi asked and as every time Hajime had asked him the same question all the words dried up in Daichi’s mouth, anything he could say would sound dumb and cheap.

“Well,” he started trying to put it into a shape that would sound interesting.

“You haven’t started have you?” Koushi asked, “Want some ideas?” He was still grinning. The sadness of the night before seemed a million miles away now and Daichi couldn’t say no. They’d pulled off the gravel road and back onto a highway. There were no cars in either direction, Koushi gunned the engine. It was clear they were headed someplace.

“So here’s the premise,” he said one hand on the wheel and waving the other as he explained, smiling at Daichi, proposing a brotherhood of clowns in a failing circus. A collection of different people who all wanted different things, but shared a love of life on the road. The mid-day sun glowing along Koushi’s edges. Daichi smiled at him as he went on, but he was only half way listening, thinking instead about what sort of strange twist of fate it was that put him here with Koushi, flying down the highway to god knows where. And fuck, Koushi was beautiful.

“What do you think?” Koushi asked, glancing from the road with a cocked eyebrow.

“I think you’ve spent a lot of time thinking about this.”

“Just a little bit,” Koushi laughed, “Do you feel inspired?”

“What was the main clown’s name again?”

Koushi hit him in the shoulder with his free hand.

“Bastard! So much disrespect for Bozo,” he cackled.

Then Daichi could see where they were headed.

“Koushi?”

“What?” Koushi was trying to look serious. Which was a feat considering the monstrosity they were approaching.

“What is that?”

“Exactly what it looks like,” Koushi answered as they roughly left the highway into the ragged gravel parking lot in front of the dinosaur fossil shop. The “dinosaur” Daichi was pretty sure never existed in the fossil record, it was a mishmash of dinosaur features, sharp teeth, wide dead eyes, lurching awkwardly on two feet, painted a shade of dirty sky blue. Koushi parked and hopped out, and then stuck his head back into the truck.

“Come on.”

“I wanted to go all the way to Carhenge but this is better,” Koushi admitted, he’d grabbed Daichi’s arm and was towing him toward the shop. The dinosaur still looked pretty good considering the last time he’d been out to touch up the paint job was six months ago, or maybe a year. He’d tried to bring Yui that time but she’d refused, and he’d sweet talked Mori into loaning him his car. His license hadn’t been expired then. Maybe it’d been longer than a year ago.

“Carhenge?”

“In Nebraska? Old cars stacked up like Stonehenge? That isn’t a thing in California?”

“Koushi,” the exasperation was bleeding into Daichi’s voice and Koushi felt like he had a candle glowing in his chest, all warmth and light, he couldn’t keep the smile off his face. Daichi was dragging his feet, eyes still pinned on the dinosaur.

“You’re not scared of it are you? It’s pretty lifelike.”

“It’s an eyesore.”

“No, it’s not. It’s a work of art. Don’t let Kei hear you say that.”

“Who?”

“Kei. He’s inside, come on.”

Inside the rock shop was a mix of rocks and tacky souvenirs, Kei not visible at first though Koushi had seen his car in the parking lot. A moment revealed his tall form bent over the counter talking to the Tadashi, the man serving ice cream. There were two other groups in the rock shop. Three kids fighting over geodes and their parents plus an older couple in matching sweatsuits looking through t-shirts.

“Koushi hey!” called Tadashi and Kei turned as well, straightening to his full height. Koushi bounded toward him to throw his arms around his neck. Kei caught him, stiffly as ever.

“It’s been a bit,” he said softer, and Koushi shoved off of him to deliver a punch into his ribs. Kei winced half a smile at him.

“Daichi, this is Kei,” Koushi turned to find Daichi who had a sour look on his face. “Kei, Daichi.” Kei’s look was a mirror image of Daichi’s disgust and Koushi punched him again for good measure. “Daichi’s from the motel, we’re here for some good ice cream. Tadashi, hook me up.”

“Yes sir!” Tadashi said beaming, freckles standing out against his flushed cheeks.

“Daichi, pick something, my treat,” Koushi said though Daichi hadn’t moved still looking put out, he grabbed his arm to pull him closer.

“Maybe he doesn’t like sweet things, go easy on him, Kou,” Kei said with a look to Daichi that was half pity and half undisguised malice. Daichi bristled a little at that.

“I dated Kei in high school, just ignore him,” Koushi said quietly leaning in to Daichi’s shoulder, surprising himself with how easy it was to say. He’d imagined telling Yui that a hundred times, each time talking himself out of it. Daichi though. He knew Daichi would understand. Daichi flinched shooting him a surprised glance and Koushi was startled to discover Daichi was blushing a little. He didn’t have any time to wonder about it because Tadashi was handing him the waffle cone over the top of the case.

“You want Cretaceous Crunch also?” he asked. Koushi squeezed Daichi’s arm.

“Say yes.”

“Don’t force him, Kou,” Kei said leaning toward them, eyes still on Daichi, smiling like a shark circling blood in the water.

“Yes, yeah, I’ll take that,” Daichi said as Koushi shot a glare Kei’s direction. Kei shrugged. Then there were customers at the register and he was walking back to ring them in.

“Tsukki’s not trying to be rude,” Tadashi apologized to Daichi handing him his cone.

“Yeah, he’s just got a funny way of showing he cares,” Koushi agreed. Daichi looked skeptical.

“He’s protective of Koushi,” Tadashi added meeting Koushi’s eyes for a second, he was still flushed, lips pulling down.

“He’s protective of all his people, he just doesn’t know you,” Koushi added still speaking to Daichi, but his words halfway for Tadashi also. “It’s not just me.” Tadashi got redder.

“You all went to high school together then?” Daichi asked, hesitantly.

“I’m from Colby, so no,” said Tadashi, “Where are you from?”

“Los Angeles,” Daichi’s cone was starting to drip, Koushi prodded him in the shoulder nodding to the ice cream.

“Woah. What are you doing in Kansas?”

“He got lost,” Koushi answered. Daichi gave him a grateful glance. Tadashi was looking between the two of them with the start of a smile on his face. Koushi took a bite of his ice cream and turned back to the register where Kei looked irritated, sending a look their way. Maybe coming here had been a mistake, Koushi could feel the sad creeping back into his spine. Though the ice cream was good. He knew the next thing Kei would ask would be about Marie, about the motel, and suddenly he didn’t feel like talking.

“Daichi, want to finish these outside?” Koushi asked nodding to the door.

“Sure.”

Koushi dug out his wallet one handed and tried to fish out the bills to pay Tadashi.

“Let me help,” Daichi took away his cone so he had both hands. Emptying the wallet, Koushi handed over the bills and a dollar and a half in quarters. Tadashi laughed as he accepted it. He was sweet, Koushi thought absently again, the kind of mellow that complimented Kei. He took his cone back from Daichi.

“See you around,” he called and headed for the door. He waved to Kei as they went, Kei frowning at him. Outside the sun warmed a little of the chill that had settled over Koushi.

They sat on the back tail gate of Daichi’s truck in the sun and contemplated the dinosaur.

“One time in high school I tried to run away from home,” Koushi said, “I took my girlfriend’s car, but this was as far as I got.” Daichi hummed turning to look at him and Koushi wasn’t quite sure why he’d said it. Where that memory had come from. Why he felt like Daichi needed to know. It was true though, it’d been one of those brutally cold days in January, he’d been a senior and itching to be gone. He dreamed of city lights and would wake in the dark of their tiny house, in the little room he shared with his younger brother and need to leave like a physical ache.

“Why were you running?”

Koushi shrugged because it seemed silly to tell Daichi all of it, the suffocating feeling of the small town, the dreams he’d had of bigger things. They seemed silly to him now too. What had he been thinking?

“I get it,” Daichi told him. He’d finished his cone, was looking out at the young wheat fields, edges of green, a promise. “Sometimes you just need to be gone.”

“I ran out of gas.”

“Oh,” Daichi laughed.

“Kei came and picked me up. We didn’t stop being friends after we broke up. He’s a snarky bastard but he’s got a big heart. You know,” Koushi swallowed down the pulse of emotion, plowed ahead, “You’re the only one I’ve ever told about me and Kei.”

“Not even Yui?” Daichi was frowning, and Koushi shook his head. He knew Yui would’ve accepted him but that didn’t make it any less frightening to say it out loud. He pushed the feeling back down, trying to bury whatever moment of vulnerability he’d just had, uncovering ancient fears in front of Daichi.

“Should we go back?” he asked hopping off of the tailgate. Daichi was frowning at the excuse for a dinosaur again.

“We’re not going to Carhenge then?”

\--

_His mom was home early for once, at the stove making god knows what for dinner. Kenji was the best cook of the three of them, but at least the things Koushi made were edible, his mother’s dinners tended toward bland or over-seasoned, dry or undercooked. There was no happy medium. Sometimes she was the same way, drumming them up about holidays, spending all day decorating their Christmas tree, but then spending all of Christmas day in bed. “You boys have fun without me, it’s my day of rest.” Though maybe that wasn’t exactly true either, there were lots of things where Megumi Sugawara hit the right balance. For instance when she’d caught Koushi kissing Kei sitting on his bed. She had stepped back out of sight to knock on the wall and give them a moment to ready themselves before sticking her head in to ask if Kei was staying for dinner. She did make a mean macaroni and cheese. The way she’d ruffled Koushi’s hair while he helped her with the dishes afterward when Kei had left and Kenji retreated to his room to work on homework. “You and Kei, huh?” she’d asked him with a knowing smile that rewarmed his blood that had gone cold. He’d only been able to nod, he hadn’t the words for the way he’d felt right then, something he was still just discovering about himself. She’d had no problem throwing an arm around his shoulders and crushing him against her side._

_“He is pretty cute. You’ll make good choices, right, baby?” she’d asked and he struggled to shrug her off, cheeks burning, grumbling his assent. She’d known him in ways he couldn’t approach with Yui, weaknesses he tried his best to hide from Kenji. She’d loved him fully in a way that had ached every day since he’d received the phone call about the accident. At first it had been debilitating, now a sort of absent ache, a dull reminder that no one would love him in that way again, the way only a mother can love their child._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next time: Facebook was a mistake


	4. Facebook was a Mistake

“Ugh, that little brat,” Yui paused on her turn, frowning down at her phone. Daichi was considering her moves, determined he’d beat her this round of chess. The set was from the board games stocked behind the front desk, but it was also incomplete, they were currently using a quarter for one of Yui’s rooks and Daichi’s king was paper clip. She was beating him two to one right now. He’d been having another hard night sleeping and thought he would come bug Koushi to take his mind off his mom’s latest voicemail, which felt like mostly concern on how she should explain the plight of her eldest son to all the ladies at church. Daichi didn’t have any helpful suggestions to offer her in that department.

Koushi would though. At least five stinging retorts because he’d get it and Daichi would laugh and feel like he wasn’t such a bad son after all. With that in mind, Daichi had felt a wave of disappointment to see Yui at the desk. But she had brightened when she saw him.

“Come entertain me, Daichi!” she’d called so cheerfully that he couldn’t say no.

“What brat?” Daichi asked her now as she was swiping on her phone. She heaved a sigh and turned the phone around to face him. At first he thought he was looking at a picture of Koushi, but on second take it was just a boy who looked like Koushi, he had shorter, tawnier hair, mole above his eyebrow, brown eyes, but the same quick fire smile.

“Koushi’s brother Kenji,” Yui said. “Swipe through.”

“Koushi has a brother?”

“Yeah, he thinks he’s hot stuff, going to the University of Kansas in Lawrence. That’s his girlfriend,” Yui said as Daichi swiped to the second picture, a pretty girl with dark hair, Kenji looked less like Koushi in this picture, the shape of his nose different, he was beaming at the girl but it wasn’t the same as Koushi’s smile. Daichi felt a pang of missing Koushi then, though he’d just seen him yesterday. Though they’d spent the whole night working out the details of this crazy story that Daichi was supposed to be writing. The next picture was Kenji on one knee in front of the girl. “Fiancée I guess,” Yui amended, putting her chin in her palm.

“Do we not like the fiancée?”

“No, she’s fine. I mean we’ve never met her, he’s never brought her home. They’ve been dating for three years.”

“Oh,” Daichi said, Yui was still frowning.

“I wonder if Koushi knows,” she murmured tucking a loose hair back behind her ear.

“Koushi’s met her though, right?”

“No,” Yui’s frown deepened. “I don’t want him to find out like this,” she muttered, reaching for her phone back. Daichi handed it over. She clicked through her contacts. “Shit, I’ve only got one percent left, Daichi call him on your phone,” she said. “I’ll give you his number.” She gave him a sneaky smile and Daichi felt cheeks begin to burn.

“Okay,” he said unlocking his phone. “Will he pick up from an unknown number?”

“I bet he will,” Yui said with a wink, “in case it’s Marissa.”

“Of course.”

Daichi hit call and handed the phone over to Yui. It rang three times before it picked up.

“Heeyyyy Koushi,” Yui sang into the phone still grinning at Daichi. He could hear the sound of Koushi on the other end but couldn’t make out his words. “This is Daichi’s phone. Now you’ll have his number,” Yui winked again and Daichi rolled his eyes. She was quiet a minute.

“No, it’s not an issue, like you’re so busy, you’re probably what, lying in bed? Eating a snack?” Koushi was louder on the other end and Yui laughed. “Look, I just wanted to tell you, I just went on facebook and Kenji…” Koushi cut her off, Daichi found himself leaning closer trying to catch his words. Yui was shaking her head giggling. “No, he’s not sharing shit like that again. You told him that was a pyramid scheme right? Kenji ought to know better. Where did that kid go wrong?” Koushi was laughing. “I know, I know,” Yui agreed, looking down at the chess board and picking at the edge of the lamination of where the print was starting to pull loose. She bit her lip. “He didn’t call you, did he? It’s him and the girlfriend.”

Yui’s face was twisting at whatever Koushi was saying.

“Yes it is weird. He probably doesn’t mean it like that though? He’s just a dumb kid. Don’t get mad, but I thought I should warn you. Koushi, he’s engaged…”

Yui was quiet then, then nodding her head though Daichi couldn’t hear Koushi’s voice.

“I know, I know… You should… no, don’t do that,” Yui grimaced, looking up to him. “Daichi, tell him no.”

“Don’t do it,” Daichi said, Yui smiling. Offering the phone over.

“I can’t borrow your truck and go kick his ass?” Koushi was saying.

“Not tonight.”

“You’re sure?” Koushi sounded fine, not sad at least. Yui was giving Daichi a look.

“I don’t think that would fix the problem.”

“Yui told you? She’s a rat, you know. Don’t tell her anything you don’t want spread through town like wildfire.”

“Hey, I’m discreet,” Yui retorted leaning close enough she could hear.

“Discreet as a rock through the window.”

“You wanna come down to the office? I’m kicking Daichi’s ass at chess.”

“Yui, are you proud of that? You sound so lame,” Koushi snapped back, “Isn’t she lame, Daichi?”

Before Daichi could answer, Yui was pinching his arm, and he squawked and elbowed her off.

“Is she assaulting you?” Koushi asked. “Yui, leave Daichi alone. He’s a paying guest, you ought to let him win a game or two.” Then he was laughing, sounding hollow over the phone. “Both of you down there playing chess… I’ll just stay up here. No thanks.”

“Talk about lame,” Yui said. And then the line went dead as Koushi ended the call. Yui sat back chewing the inside of her lip.

“He sounded fine," Daichi suggested.

“But did he really?” she asked. 

“You don’t think so?” Daichi asked as she handed the phone back, pulling the number up to create a new contact. It was strange thinking of Koushi a text away.

“It’s always hard to tell over the phone. He’s got the biggest soft spot for that kid,” Yui said contemplating the chess board. She picked up a piece to move it. Then the office phone was ringing. She answered it turning her back to Daichi. He looked at her pieces, she was going to win this round for sure. He thought about Takashi just up and proposing to someone he’d never met.

Yui hung up the phone and sat back down muttering under her breath about the ice machine. Then frowning at the pieces.

“Did you make a move?”

“No,” Daichi said tapping his fingers trying to strategize and finally giving up and making a move to make a move. “It’d kill me if my brother did that,” he said.

“You know, Koushi put Kenji through his first two years of school too,” Yui said, taking up the subject again, “After their mom died, Koushi dropped out of school and came back home to work here. Kenji never had to work for it. Ungrateful little bitch.”

Daichi’s stomach dropped to hear about Koushi’s mom. He hadn’t considered it, and he didn’t have time now either. His phone buzzed.

**From Koushi:**

_Hi Daichi :)_

_Ditch Yui_

_Come get drunk w me ;)_

“Is that him?” Yui leaned over the desk to sneak a peek at his phone. Daichi showed her the text, Yui huffed out a laugh at it.

“Raincheck on this revenge match?” Daichi asked getting to his feet.

“You’re going to leave me for him?” Yui said mock offended. Daichi felt sure that if he’d tried to stay with her she would’ve forced him to go.

“He’s cuter, I’m sorry Yui.”

“Don’t get him too drunk. He’s a messy drunk.”

“Believe me, I know,” Daichi said as Yui swept all the pieces from their chess board back into the box.

“That’s right, you were here when he broke up with Marie. Did Saeko tell me he puked on you?”

“Not on purpose.”

“Can you imagine that,” Yui said with a grimace, “Puking on someone on purpose? What the hell goes on in California that I don’t know about, Daichi?”

He laughed stuffing his phone in his pocket and heading for the door.

“Cut him off before he acquires that skill,” Yui warned. Daichi waved. “Sawamura! Don’t! Do anything I wouldn’t do!”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” he called back but didn’t wait to hear her answer.

Daichi knocked on the suite’s door. Koushi opened the door looking overly cheerful.

“We’re going to the bar,” he declared not letting Daichi in.

“Are we going to walk? If we’re going to get really drunk?”

“Hmm, that is a problem,” Koushi said, he was still grinning but it didn’t reach his eyes. “I suppose I have booze here.”

“Let me in, we can put on a bad movie.”

“Yui told you?”

“Yeah,” Daichi said as Koushi let him in. His place was messier than the last time Daichi had been in to drink with Koushi, that had been two weeks ago but it felt like a year.

“I suppose I can’t blame him,” Koushi said opening his cupboard and pulling out a bottle of vodka. “Screwdriver?”

“Sure.”

“He’s probably embarrassed of this place.”

“That’s not an excuse.”

“Isn’t it though? This little backwater, middle of nowhere…” Koushi splashed in some orange juice into the vodka. He took a gulp and grimaced.

“More orange juice,” Daichi said. Koushi glanced at him and added some more.

“You’re trying to keep me from getting wasted.”

“I couldn’t do that if I tried,” Daichi smirked at him. Koushi looked embarrassed then.

“God, are you embarrassed of me too?”

“Did you call him?”

“What am I supposed to say? I thought we were close? After everything I’ve done for you and you can’t even be bothered to introduce me to the woman you want to marry?” Koushi’s voice cracked and he took another swallow of his screwdriver as he made Daichi’s drink. He passed it over. Daichi took a sip. The ratio not bad on this one. Koushi dropped down to the table across from him.

“I’ve got a brother who’s an ass too,” Daichi said, “I get it.” Koushi looked up at him.

“Are you sure you’re not talking about yourself?”

“Haha,” Daichi rolled his eyes.

“What’s his name?”

“Takashi.”

“Tell me about him.”

“He’s an ass,” Daichi smirked into his drink.

“No duh, jackass.”

“He’s taller than me.”

“The nerve.”

“My boyfriend cheated on me and he shrugged. I goddamn walked in on them and Takashi’s reaction is just like ‘that’s rough buddy.’”

“Wait, you what?” Koushi set down his drink.

“I uh,” Daichi took another drink, the words had just sort of spilled out of his mouth. Koushi seemed to have that effect on him. He hadn’t wanted to tell this story to anyone else, he hadn’t even given Hajime the details. His chest ached again thinking about it. Even over a month’s separation from it, a bruise he’d been trying not to touch, it still hurt.

“I quit my job. I came home earlier than usual and he was there, with some other guy. On the bed, making out.”

“Fuck,” exhaled Koushi.

“They were all over each other,” Daichi rubbed his eyes as if that would erase the image from his mind, stop the wave of humiliation and betrayal surging back up through his chest. Koushi growled.

“I’ll fucking murder him, Daichi. What’s his address?” Koushi said staring intently at him, Daichi met his eyes and had no doubt that Koushi meant that.

“He’d probably been cheating for a while. Looking back we hadn’t been in sync for a while,” Daichi rubbed his eyes again, “I was working these long shifts, weird hours and he was taking night classes.” Koushi’s eyes were large as saucers at him across the table and an unsettling thought occurred to him, the homework he’d never see Austin working on, “At least he said he was taking night classes…”

“But to cheat on you? You of all people? What the fuck?” Koushi tossed back the rest of his drink slamming the glass down on the table. “I want to beat the shit out of this guy. You know you deserve better right? You’re not all like ‘maybe I deserved it,’ are you?”

“No one deserves that,” Daichi said into his glass. Koushi made himself another drink, a little harder on the vodka this time. “And you deserve better than Kenji acting like you don’t exist.”

“Damn straight,” Koushi said some of the edge lost off his voice. He moved the vodka and orange juice to the table off the counter. “Give me your douchebag’s number I’m going to call him and tell him to go to hell. Tell him I know where he lives and I’m gonna come chop off his dick with a rusty butter knife.” Daichi choked at that, a snort of laughter. “I’m serious!” Koushi said opening up his phone, waving to Daichi to hurry up. “Give it to me.”

“I’m not giving you his number. I deleted it,” Daichi said refilling his glass languidly.

“Hell yeah you did. You’re a strong independent man,” Koushi was giggling now, the anger dissolving. Daichi was starting to feel the alcohol himself, Koushi’s laughter contagious.

“Rusty butter knife,” he laughed. Koushi tipped his head back and ran a hand over his flushed face, his throat exposed, the feeling hit Daichi again, the mental image of putting his lips there against Koushi’s pale throat. He shoved that away trying to hang on to Koushi’s giggling instead.

“What you really should do is call Kenji instead, tell him where he can shove it.”

“Nope, cannot do that,” Koushi disagreed shaking his head vigorously, “Me calling tipsy will just reinforce whatever bullshit he’s convinced himself of.”

“Hmm,” Daichi hummed into his glass. “What if you facebook message the girl, tell her congratulations and tell her you can’t wait to meet your brother’s fiancée?”

“Ooh, there’s an idea,” Koushi said poking at his phone. “Or maybe I could make a really passive aggressive comment on their announcement post. Like “I’m so happy for you two! Wish I could’ve been there!”

“Does passive aggression fall into the bullshit category though?”

“You’re right, you’re right,” Koushi said frowning. “Think I can message her even though we aren’t friends?”

“I think so?”

“Oh ho, I can,” Koushi said with a wicked smile and started typing. Daichi leaned across the table to try and see what he was writing. Koushi pushed him off with a laugh. “I’m not going to write something embarrassing, Daichi.” He took another swallow of his drink. At last he finished and handed his phone over. It was laden with smiley emojis which captured true Koushi energy, and really it was kind and congratulatory.

“I think that looks good.”

“Do you think she’ll show it to Kenji? What if he’s like I don’t know this guy, or tells her to ignore me or something?”

“Then you will have tried at least? To be friendly?”

“Okay, I sent it. I think I need another drink,” Koushi said frowning down at his glass.

“Go easy, Koushi.”

“I am going easy. I am the most easy,” he said and then dissolved into giggles again. “Hey, hey do you have mutual friends with your ex? Why don’t you post a picture and we’ll pretend like I’m your new squeeze, make him jealous.” Even Daichi’s at-this-point-beginning-to-muddle brain was a little alarmed by that idea. But also he liked it. He liked that Koushi could imagine them being together, even if it was in jest. Out of desire to hurt the man who had hurt him. “Come on, give me your phone, I take excellent selfies,” Koushi said holding out his hand. Daichi after another moment of hesitation handed it over. Koushi got up and came closer to Daichi. “Scoot back form the table, I’m gonna sit in your lap.”

“You’re gonna what?”

“Sit in your lap, come on, move your ass, Sawamura.”

Daichi pushed the chair back from the table, Koushi sat in his lap as promised.

“Alright look like you’re in love,” Koushi sang holding the phone back. Daichi barely had a moment to think about what that even was supposed to look like before Koushi’s face was suddenly very near to his, giving him one of those warm smiles that set butterflies loose in his stomach, he half way smiled in response right before Koushi pressed a kiss to the corner of his mouth. _Oh!_

“Heh, that’s a good one,” Koushi had leapt out of his lap and was swiping through the six or so pictures he’d taken. “This one’s the one. Am I right or am I right?”

Daichi looked at it. Koushi was right. The Daichi in the image had the barest flush in his cheeks, smiling a little dazed at Koushi, who only had eyes for him, lips to his face. _Oh shit. I look like I’ve got the worst crush. He can see it!_

“Daichi, do you just leave your facebook logged in? What if I were a hacker? I could steal all your personal information.” Daichi shrugged as Koushi wrote out the post, attaching the picture. “How’s it look?”

“Take the caption off. It’s better as kind of mysterious,” Daichi said tipping his glass back. It was empty again. Koushi looked extra handsome right now frowning down into Daichi’s phone, face a little flushed from the alcohol.

“I guess you’re right,” he finally said. “Okay, it’s posted. Revenge is served.” Koushi set down Daichi’s phone and leaned back in his chair. “Do you feel better?”

Daichi considered that.

“Not really.”

“Me neither,” Koushi sighed and refilled his glass.

“Let’s put on the movie,” Daichi said getting up from the table, refilling his glass with water. Koushi booed at him.

“You kept me from the bar because you can’t drive drunk and now you’re trying to sober up?”

Daichi crawled onto Koushi’s bed with his water and turned on the tv. Koushi put the orange juice back in the fridge and came to join him. Daichi flipped through the channels looking for something good. At last he landed on the Princess Bride. He turned to Koushi.

“I love this movie.”

Koushi’s head was drooping. He perked up a little.

“You want me to leave so you can go to bed?”

“No, no, I’m awake,” Koushi said sitting up a little straighter.

“You sure?”

“I’m sure. Leave it on this, I’ve never seen it before.”

“You’ve never seen the Princess Bride?”

“Nope.”

“You’ll love it,” Daichi promised. Koushi edged a little closer and before Daichi knew it there was a weight against his shoulder, Koushi’s mouth hanging a little open, empty glass balanced precariously in his lap. Daichi plucked it out and set it on the night side table. Then he shifted a little until they were mostly laying down, pulling the quilt up over their legs. Koushi lifted his head blinking groggily at Daichi.

“Lay back down, I’m not leaving,” Daichi told him.

“Don’t leave, Daichi,” Koushi murmured. “I don’t want to be alone anymore.”

Koushi woke with a throbbing headache to the distant sound of his alarm somewhere it wasn’t supposed to be, wrapped in something warm and heavy. He was going to ignore the alarm, when Daichi shifted and Koushi realized he wasn’t tangled up in a blanket, but huddled against Daichi, the source of the warmth, the comforting weight was his arms around him.

“Is that your alarm?” Daichi’s voice was a croak and Koushi’s groaned, head really aching and feeling worse as Daichi was quick to release him, sitting up rubbing his eyes, sliding a little away from him. Looking alarmed that they’d woken up together in Koushi’s bed. Koushi couldn’t quite place how that had happened, but he could say for sure he wasn’t upset about it. Daichi on the other hand was clearly embarrassed and was trying to free himself from the tangle of blankets.

“Come back, I’m cold,” Koushi complained.

“Do you work this morning?” Daichi asked once he was free, stumbling toward the source of the alarm, on the kitchen table where Koushi had left his phone sitting next to the almost empty bottle of vodka. Koushi groaned again, cracking his eyes open and willing the headache to vanish. He turned off the alarm to Koushi’s gratitude, the headache easing a little and then Daichi made a bad sound. A gasp or a yelp, something in between. He’d picked up his own phone off the table and Koushi watched as he stared with horror down at the screen.

“What is it?” Koushi rasped out, his throat felt like it was covered in carpet, he pulled the covers back up to his ears.

“Shit,” Daichi choked. “Why did we think putting that picture up on facebook was a good idea?”

“What picture?” Koushi frowned although he had the fuzzy inkling he knew exactly what picture. They’d been complaining a lot last night, he remembered that, Daichi had told him about his ex, and they had taken those pictures, he’d posted it to Daichi’s facebook.

“Koushi, I’m friends with my dad’s sisters on facebook.”

“Okay?”

“Fuck, that was so stupid. Fuck,” Daichi sank down into a kitchen chair. It occurred to Koushi then that at some point Daichi had shed his jeans and was sitting in his boxers now, the muscles in his legs visible in the cool blue morning light. He had nice legs, the most beautiful thighs he’d ever seen. He let himself think it this time. Think that his legs had been tangled in those legs. What had he been doing asleep when he could have been appreciating that? Heat soaking into his face, he tried to focus.

“What’s wrong with your dad’s sisters?”

“Uh, so I probably didn’t tell you about my dad. Doesn’t uh, agree with my… lifestyle. Deeply ashamed of me.”

“Ohhhh shit,” groaned Koushi. “I’ve gotta kick his ass too now.”

Daichi laughed without mirth.

“I didn’t even bother asking to stay at their place after Austin…”

“Your parents are trash, Daichi,” Koushi told him, “You’re their goddamn _son_ , how could they…”

Daichi shook his head, fingers in his short hair.

“I never even posted anything about Austin on facebook. I’ve got fifteen messages. Hajime left me a voicemail. I’m fucked, Koushi.”

“I’m sorry for posting it,” Koushi said then, voice smaller, heart twisting. _Hajime? Who’s Hajime?_

“No, don’t be sorry, I thought it was a great idea too. I wasn’t thinking,” Daichi leaned forward on the table pressing his face into his hands with a groan. Koushi knew he shouldn’t ask. It didn’t matter. If Daichi had someone he was dating, someone he wanted to be dating, back home, it was fine, it was all fine. Koushi squeezed his eyes shut.

“Daichi, who’s Hajime?” Koushi’s voice came out hoarse with the question. Daichi was quiet a moment, Koushi opened his eyes to see Daichi yawning.

“Oh? I thought I’d told you about him, Hajime is my friend from back home. We grew up together.”

“Is he… not okay with the homosexual agenda?” Koushi asked and Daichi laughed.

“No, no, he’s great with it. It’s his agenda too. He’s got a boyfriend,” Daichi laughed, “The homosexual agenda, jeez, Koushi.”

“Why’d he leave the voicemail?”

“I’m a little afraid to find out.” Daichi tapped at his phone and lifted it to his hear to listen and then wincing, he couldn’t listen to the whole thing. “I’ve got to call him, sorry,” Daichi said.

“Okay,” Koushi sank back into the pillow and shut his eyes as Daichi let himself out of the door into the early morning chill. He didn’t want to get out of bed. The clock was showing seven thirty. He needed to shower. Yui would be waiting on him so she could go home. Finally he dragged himself off the mattress, grabbing fresh clothes he went to the bathroom and started the shower, brushing his teeth to try and get the disgusting feeling out of his mouth.

Daichi was back before Koushi could hop into the shower. He was dragging on his jeans.

“Bad?” Koushi asked. Daichi startled.

“Thought you were in the shower? Not bad,” he said smoothing his hair then wincing, “maybe a little bad. He thought it was real, thought I hadn’t been telling him the whole truth. He asked me when the wedding was.”

Koushi laughed and Daichi was red.

“I’m thinking June’s a good month to get married.”

“Not a fall wedding?”

“Ehh, maybe,” Koushi said, “We’ll have to talk about it.”

“I’ll change your mind,” Daichi told him with half a smile. “I’ll let you shower, I’m going back to my room. My mouth tastes awful.”

“Same!” cheered Koushi. Daichi gave him a full smile now.

“I’ll see you later, Koushi,” Daichi said moving toward the door.

“Thanks for coming over last night,” Koushi choked after him, suddenly it feeling important that Daichi know that he appreciated it, questionable choices aside.

“Sure,” Daichi answered him from the doorway still smiling, “It was fun.”

Daichi reached the bottom of the steps, his headache starting to evaporate with the fresh air, the impending sense of reality descending back onto his shoulders. He had to pass the office on his way back to his room, but he didn’t make it far before Yui had appeared.

“Hey! You!” she shouted after him. Daichi turned back around she was waving her phone at him, “What is the meaning of this? Daichi?” He wanted to keep going, but instead retraced his steps. She showed him the picture on her phone, it had over 100 likes, Koushi had tagged himself in it and that was how Yui had seen it. Koushi had tagged himself in it? Daichi felt like a black hole had opened in his chest and all the matter in his body was dissembling itself. That meant Koushi’s brother would’ve seen it, maybe his fiancée. The audience to their stupidity had doubled. “Are you…?” Yui’s eyes were bright in disbelief. “You spent the night with him? Daichi? Didn’t you?”

“Yui, it’s not like that,” Daichi finally found words, putting his hands up. “We were drunk.”

“You were drunk?” she demanded as if that were some sort of admission and not an activity she had actively encouraged him to.

“I mean we got drunk, and we fell asleep. It wasn’t… It wasn’t _something_.”

“But it’s not _nothing_ ,” Yui said, “You like him don’t you? Drunk or not, you _like_ Koushi.” The second was not a question it was a statement of fact. Daichi wanted to lie, to deny it but he suddenly found that he couldn’t. The way he’d felt this morning, Koushi burrowed against him, face peaceful, long lashes, his little whistling snore, that was something he could wake up to every morning. Happily. And with that thought there was another spike of fear in his chest. He used to feel that way about Austin. Austin who then had gone and slept with some other guy, brought him home to make out on the bed they shared, for god knows how long, all while pretending he still loved Daichi. The urge to flee, the panic that had put him into his truck heading east in that other lifetime which was looming so near again, hit him like a wall.

“Daichi?” Yui put her hands on his shoulders drawing him back to reality. He could feel his hands shaking. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

“It’s nothing. It’s not something. We got drunk and posted a joke picture on facebook and passed out. That’s it. It’s not something,” he insisted taking a step away from her. Her face fell. “It’s not something, Yui,” he said feeling desperate that she believe it, that he believe it. His chest ached. “I’m tired, I’m going to go take a shower,” he mumbled stumbling away from her.

“Daichi,” she called after him, “It’s okay if it’s something.”

 _No, it’s not_.

Koushi got out of the shower to find no new messages from Daichi but plenty from other people. About ten from Yui that mostly consisted of exclamation points. What the fuck was that about? He unlocked his phone to see he still had facebook pulled up and 100+ notifications. He’d posted that picture on Daichi’s phone not his own but when he clicked on the notifications he could see they were all on Daichi’s picture. The one he had tagged himself in. What he’d really wanted was Daichi to add him as a friend and in that moment when he’d tagged himself that was all he’d been thinking about. Not that, by tagging it, everyone in his life would see it too. Yui and Kenji and his cousins, the people he’d gone to high school with, maybe even Marissa. He couldn’t remember if he’d blocked her from seeing his posts. _Oh shit_. Most of the names he didn’t recognize, friends (family?) of Daichi. Yui had posted a comment that was four hearts, and he felt a flush of warmth.

They were cute weren’t they? He’d told Daichi to look like he was in love as a joke, but boy, he was a good actor. Seeing the kiss sent his heart tumbling in the same acrobatics it’d been doing when he’d dared to kiss Daichi. They were cute. He was cute. _Fuck._

Marie would see it too.

Koushi felt nauseous with that thought. He set down his phone, stomach roiling. Marie would see it. Marie had met Daichi that first night they’d hung out in the office. Marie had accused him of using her. He bolted for the toilet.

When he got out of the shower later after a good puke that made him feel better if not also more empty. His phone was ringing on the kitchen table. He was sure this would be Marie, or maybe Kenji. God, he’d really sent that message to Kenji’s fiancée, hadn’t he? The name on the caller ID was worse, if possible.

Marissa.

“Okay dish, Koushi,” Yui said the minute Koushi blew into the office.

“Dish? Yui, she’s coming the week after next.”

“Who? What are you talking about Koushi? Tell me about _Daichi._ ”

Koushi’s face was hot.

“Marissa, Yui. _Marissa._ ”

Yui blanched.

“The week after next? Which day? What’s the plan of attack?” she said hopping out of the chair. Koushi pinched the bridge of his nose, drawing in one long breath.

“She said she expects the building to be freshly painted. Everything clean, obviously. She’s going to see that big old pothole in the lot, Yui, we’re fucked.”

“Do we start today? Do you have enough to hire someone to paint the building? It is starting to look a little worn.”

“But worn enough to repaint? No, I don’t have the money for that. I’ll have to do it myself.” Koushi poured himself a mug of coffee. His hands were still shaking, Marissa was something to focus on besides the havoc he had wreaked. Should he ask Daichi to take the picture down? Maybe Marie hadn’t seen it yet.

“Koushi, what’s going on?” Yui put her hand on his shoulder.

“I’m fine,” he shrugged her off and took a sip of the coffee. It was old and he grimaced.

“What about Daichi?” she asked him.

“What about Daichi?” Koushi picked up the pot off the burner and went to the bathroom to dump it out and refill the water for a fresh pot. Yui had her arms crossed when he came back fixing him with a look.

“What happened?”

“Nothing happened.”

“What was that picture?”

“What picture?”

“Don’t play dumb, I know he slept over.”

“It’s nothing, Yui,” Koushi snapped. “Just a joke. A dumb joke. It’s not like…” the bite leeching out of his voice, “It’s not like he likes me like that.”

“Oh come _on_ ,” Yui said rolling her eyes, “Daichi is in love with you.”

“Daichi is…” Koushi was shaking his head. “No, you’re wrong.”

“Why am I wrong?”

“Why would you be right?”

“Because of how he looks at you.”

“I told him something stupid before we took that picture.”

“No, Koushi, he always looks at you like that.”

“No,” Koushi shook his head; that was impossible. There was no way.

“You’re ridiculous, Koushi. Is it that hard to believe?”

The door jingled and they both spun to face the interloper. It was the old guy with the dog coming to check out.

“I’ve got to run,” Yui said picking up her purse, “I’m right though. Think about it.”

Koushi couldn’t argue with her in front of the guest, printing off his receipt, hanging the key back up on the wall.

When he’d left, it was still there, that underlying uncertainty. Koushi opened facebook to see the photo again, both their eyes crinkled in smiles. Letting himself imagine for a minute, that it was real and not a fake picture they had taken for the sole purpose of rubbing it in Daichi’s ex’s face. Groaning Koushi put his forehead down on the counter. The wall phone started ringing. His heart jumped. His first thought was that it would be Marissa again. He didn’t know what was worse to think about, Marissa, or whatever was going on between him and Daichi. He answered the cordless phone either way.

“Blue Moon Motel, this is Koushi speaking?”

“Kou, it's Mori, are you missing your gnomes?”

“Am I missing my gnomes?” Koushi leapt out of his chair, taking the phone with him out to the front of the office. He didn’t know what he had expected to see. The plants were where they were supposed to be, beginning to thrive in the increase in warmer weather. But his gnomes were gone.

“Mori, where are they?”

“There was a truck sitting outside Tractor Supply with four of them in the back. I thought they looked a lot like the ones you had up for St. Paddy’s,” Mori said.

“Who’s truck?” Koushi asked, looking around the front of the office as though those gnomes may not be his gnomes, as if his might just be merely misplaced, wandered off.

“Uh, hi? Mr. Sugawara?”

Koushi spun to face the man with the shaved head. He was wearing a dress shirt and black pants although Koushi had told him there wasn’t a dress code. Their new hire. Saeko’s little brother.

“Ryu,” he with forced cheer, “Mori, I’ll call you back,” Koushi said into the phone.

“Ok.”

“Are you looking for something?” Ryu asked him as Koushi did one more sweep.

“Oh, uh, no, nothing, I thought maybe I’d dropped something out here but I guess not,” Koushi laughed waving his new hire inside. He’d almost forgotten he was training the newbie today. That just meant the gnome thief would have time to escape, cross the state lines. In his imagination he hunted the thief into Nebraska. They had a gun fight at Carhenge. The thief was a better shot. Koushi bled out as he drove off with the gnomes. Poor Koushi, why do the good die young?

“This is the office,” Koushi said showing Ryu around, sticking the phone back on the charger.

Daichi opened his word document. He was fresh out of the shower. On his way back to his room, Greta had stuck her head out of the room she was cleaning to give him a knowing smile. If there was anything that was truly unsettling it was a knowing smile from Greta. His fingers rested on the keys but the words felt like they’d dried up. Instead he opened the draft about the clowns that Koushi had started with him. There was nothing at stake there. They held a meeting in the dark beside the train and plotted a coup, the ringmaster was too power hungry, they would not stand by at his abuse. Would not be laughed at while he got rich off of their talent. It wasn’t personal, it was about justice, equality, not just for them but for the whole circus. He let the story swallow him up, forget about Koushi, about Austin, about the feeling of Koushi soft and warm nestled beside him in the bed this morning, the way he fit in his arms just right, the way he smelled like fresh wood, like sun on a fall afternoon. His fingers had stopped on the keys.

He unlocked his phone opening a new text to Koushi:

_Hey_

_We’d make a cute couple_

_Would you want to try that out_

He typed words out and then erased them. Then the bouncing ellipses appeared and Daichi’s fingers froze. It was fate. It was fate?? Was it sad that he was excited? Then the message popped up.

**From Koushi:**

_DAichi the gnomes are GONE_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next time: a rescue mission


	5. Near Miss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Rescue Mission, Exes and Bad Timing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the tag about someone maybe getting shot applies to this chapter  
> don't worry though, nobody dies and I could not write graphic stuff if I wanted to, just be aware

“Do you think it was Sal?” Daichi asked when they’d met at the predetermined time, out in front of the office. The newbie Ryu, was smoking a cigarette nearby eyeing them like they were nuts.

“Mori, thinks it was his truck,” Koushi had his bike and the shotgun.

“You know you can’t ride around with that,” Daichi said.

“It’s a free country,” Koushi answered. Daichi glanced to Ryu who shrugged like Koushi had a point.

“So what’s the plan? We go to Sal’s place and you intimidate him into returning the gnomes?”

“Yes, that’s it, that’s the whole plan,” Koushi said swinging his leg over the bike.

“Okay.”

“Except it’s me, not we. You’ve got to stay with Ryu, he’s only done a couple of reservations.”

“ _I’ve_ only done a couple of reservations,” Daichi complained.

“Well, between the two of you that’s enough,” Koushi said. “You know what all the keys are for, and you have Yui’s number.

“You have to go right now?”

“Before he pawns them off, or god knows what Sal plans to do with my gnomes.”

“What’s so important about the gnomes?” Ryu asked putting out his cigarette with the heel of his shoe, tucking his hands into his pockets. It was grey out and a cold wind blowing. Koushi shook his head.

“You wouldn’t understand.”

Ryu looked to Daichi who shrugged.

“They just are, okay?” Koushi said looking between the two of them brow wrinkled.

“If you find them how are you supposed to bring them back on the bike?” Daichi asked. “Why don’t you take my truck?” Koushi’s eyes brightened. He stepped off the bike and Daichi, against his better judgement, handed him the keys. He felt uneasy letting Koushi go by himself.

“I’ll take good care of it,” Koushi promised trotting off across the parking lot.

“Nothing good comes out of that,” Ryu said ominously when he was gone heading back inside the office. Daichi was still looking across the parking lot, wincing as he watched his truck peel out in a spray of gravel wishing he didn’t feel the same.

Koushi had never been in Daichi’s truck by himself, as soon as he was out of the parking lot he was keenly aware of that fact. The worn texture of the steering wheel clenched beneath his hands, something rattling in the back seat, the fuel gauge closer to empty than half full. Koushi had never had a problem going after the solutions to his own challenges alone but right now he thought he would’ve felt better with Daichi riding shotgun, sending him worried glances.

Sal’s spread of land was a couple of miles outside of town, known only to Koushi for its nearness to an abandoned, rumored to be haunted, house outside of town. Koushi wasn’t thinking about apparitions or disembodied voices as he drove past it now, eyes searching for Sal’s gravel driveway and the old truck he was all too familiar with. Mori hadn’t been sure that it was him but Koushi knew that it was. It could only be Sal. Koushi knew that Sal’s real problem was with Marissa, and that he was only a part of it by association. But the gnomes. That _was_ personal. Why couldn’t he have stuck to trying to steal the neon from the sign?

Then Koushi was slowing as Sal’s low slung farmhouse came into view, peeling white paint; his truck parked out front. The cab was empty, no sight of the gnomes or Sal himself. If he was home, he was inside. Koushi parked Daichi’s truck on the side of the highway and warily hopped out to check the back of Sal’s truck. All his focus on determining whether or not Sal had the gnomes, he forgot the shotgun in Daichi’s truck. All it would take was a quick look, he determined. Sal wasn’t anywhere in sight. He could probably steal them back with no one being the wiser. He was halfway down the gravel driveway before there was the sound of barking, a big dog appearing at the screen door to the house, hackles raised. The front door slammed open an instant later.

“Sugawara!” There was the crack of a gunshot, the dog still barking. Koushi ducked, throwing himself behind Sal’s truck. The door slammed shut and he cursed himself for leaving the shotgun behind. For thinking this would somehow be easy. He could hear the crunch of Sal’s approaching footsteps down the sidewalk to the driveway. Koushi was measuring the distance he’d have to run. He’d left the truck where he had to draw less attention but clearly that had backfired on him. It was as if Sal had been waiting for him.

“I’m just here to take back what’s mine!” Koushi called, voice cracking, watching the approach of Sal’s feet beneath the truck. He was crouched.

“This is my property! What’d you say about shooting me for trespassing on yours?” he called back.

“I know you have them, I don’t want trouble, Sal. Just hand over the gnomes.” Koushi wanted to look in the back of the pickup but was afraid Sal would take off his head if he dared.

“Just have Marissa foot the bill for new ones. Not that I have her gnomes.”

“They’re not Marissa’s, Sal. They’re _mine_ ,” Koushi said, his heart was pounding, Sal was close enough now that if he lunged Koushi would be an easy target. He shifted his weight, ready to run in an instant.

“The motel isn’t _yours_ , Sugawara.”

“I didn’t say it was,” Koushi crept towards the cab of the truck to put more distance between himself and Sal, heart pounding. “Just the gnomes. Sal, please.” When he’d pictured himself in a shoot-out earlier, he hadn’t imagined it like this. Sal had paused, Koushi staring at his feet on the other side of the vehicle, beat up work boots, one was untied, begging to trip the older man. “I’ll… I’ll pay you, please give them back.”

“Hmm,” Sal mused shifting his weight as if he were about to turn back the other direction, Koushi got ready to move. “How much?”

“So you do have them?”

“I’m just curious what these garden gnomes are worth to you. How important they are.”

Koushi grimaced. That had been the wrong tactic to take. He slid his phone out with trembling hands, opening a text message. To Daichi. _SOS. If I don’t come back…_ The gravel crunched again coming back around the other direction. Koushi lurched forward, phone slipping out of his hands.

“Shit,” he hissed deciding that this was the moment. He leapt up to look into the bed of the pickup. There they were. _His_ four gnomes. Or rather what was left of his four gnomes shattered into a hundred pieces. “You bastard,” he growled turning around as Sal got him into his sights, shotgun leveled at him. Koushi hardly registered the gun, white hot anger searing through his insides.

“I’m warning you one last time. Get off my property, Sugawara!” Sal shouted, words that Koushi didn’t hear over the roar in his ears. He lunged at Sal as he let off an errant shot, and then Koushi was in the gravel, at first unsure if he’d missed his footing and then the sharp bite of pain in his shoulder as he pushed to stand up, reaching his hand to meet warm and damp and god, it was blood.

“Fuck,” Koushi gasped, feeling for a second like maybe he was going to pass out, blood made him queasy.

“Shit,” Sal was standing over top of him now, shotgun hanging limp in his hand. Koushi scrambled trying to get away, body buzzing with a terror that Sal would finish the job. “I didn’t mean to hit you,” he said which was ridiculous coming from someone who had been literally pointing the shotgun right at him. Koushi was to his feet, gravel giving under his tennis shoes. Before he could make it to Daichi’s truck, he stumbled to a stop, flashing red and blue lights pulling onto the drive blocking his escape route.

“Fuck.”

It turned out Ryu was the volleyball coach at the high school. Between guests they’d shared stories. They played the same position on the court.

“My girlfriend goes to school in California,” Ryu said smiling, pulling up a photo on his phone. “Isn’t she the prettiest girl you’ve ever seen? I got this gig to have some extra money to save up for a ring. I want to marry her if she’ll have me.” Daichi’s first impression had been that Ryu was the kind of person who didn’t hesitate to start fights, had no problem intimidating people to get what he wanted. And maybe in some ways he was, but it was clear once he got talking that it just one small part of him, maybe it was even just a cover, underneath was nothing but warm enthusiasm. Love for volleyball, love for his team, love for his sister, love for his girlfriend with the coy smile, glasses, tucking her dark hair behind her ear.

Ryu was halfway through booking a room for a family and handing over the key to the treehouse when Daichi’s phone started ringing. He cast a casual glance, figuring it was probably spam, maybe it was Hajime or his mom. Instead, the caller ID showed it was Koushi. He stepped into the hallway to answer it.

“Hello?”

“Hi, Daichi, uh, it’s me.”

“What’s up?” Daichi asked with a smile at the sound of Koushi’s voice, sounding shy over the phone.

“Would you mind, um, coming to pick me up?”

“Where are you at? What happened to my truck?” Daichi felt his pulse spiking.

“I’m… I’m at the, uh, at the hospital?” Koushi sounded like he was testing out the words.

“The hospital?” Daichi choked, “Koushi?”

“I’m okay, everything’s fine. It just grazed me,” Koushi scrambled to explain, “Only like uh, three or six stitches. That’s not the problem. The cops took my expired license and your keys. They think your truck is stolen.”

“Someone stole my truck?” Daichi was halfway out of the door now, everyone in the office watching him go.

“No, no, no one stole your truck, the cops think _I_ stole it. They won’t let me drive it, even if they didn’t think I stole it. They took my ID. It’s that fucking sheriff. He’s a real asshole, Daichi,” Koushi said and then in a voice clearly directed to someone else in the same room as him, “That’s right. That fucker, the sheriff, is an asshole! I get _robbed_ and _assaulted_ and he takes _my_ ID? Tell me how that’s fair.” There was some argument that Daichi could not hear. “I didn’t steal his car in high school. I was just borrowing it. I was dating his daughter. She said it was okay.”

“Koushi, where is the hospital?” Daichi asked trying to draw his attention back to the phone.

“You can ride my bike. It’s down the highway towards town. There’s a sign for it, before you get to the gas station. Just take that turn and it’ll be right down that road.”

Daichi spotted Koushi’s bike where he had tucked it against the side of the building. He wheeled it out trying to balance the phone between his ear and shoulder. Ryu had come out following the guests who were piling back into their minivan to find a better parking spot.

“What’s up?” he asked, “Your truck got stolen?”

“No, no, I’ve got to go pick Koushi up though, I’ll be back in a bit.”

“Pick him up?”

“It’s a long story.”

“Tell me about it,” Koushi said wearily into his ear.

“Did you get your gnomes back?” he asked as he pushed off having to hold the phone and steer one handed. He was wobbly, it had been a long time since he’d ridden a bike. There was silence on the other end and Daichi thought for a minute, the officers Koushi had been antagonizing had retaliated.

“I guess,” Koushi said, not happy.

“You guess?” This brought a heavy sigh from Koushi and no further explanation. “Koushi, I’ll be there in a little bit. I’ve got to hang up, I can’t ride and talk at the same time,” Daichi told him.

“No skill,” Koushi chided him and Daichi smiled. “I’ll see you soon.”

Koushi was outside when Daichi arrived, sitting on a bench, arm in a sling, hoodie balled up in his lap, shoulder wrapped up in bandages, blood on his t-shirt. He looked cold, and honestly miserable. There was an officer leaning against the bench. Daichi watched recognition light up Koushi’s face when he saw him peddling up. He stood up and the officer straightened in alarm, grabbing hold of the collar of his t-shirt. Koushi shot the man a glare, before turning back to Daichi, face twisted in exhaustion.

“Took you long enough.”

“It’s a lot further than you made it sound,” Daichi said a little breathless, eyes pinned on Koushi’s shoulder, the dried blood on his heather grey t-shirt. Koushi had said it wasn’t bad but the sight made Daichi’s blood run cold.

“Alright, Jonesy hand over the keys. The truck is Daichi’s,” Koushi said turning to the officer who still had a grip on him, shaking him off. The man crossed his arms eying Daichi suspiciously. Daichi pulled out his wallet to show the officer his ID.

“That’ll match the insurance in the glove box,” he said.

“California huh?” Jonesy asked. “You’re a long way from home. And you loaned your truck to Mr. Sugawara?”

“Yeah.”

“Did you not know he had an expired license?”

“No clue,” Daichi said making stone cold eye contact with Koushi, Koushi gave him a wobbly smile.

“You must not have known him for very long. He’s got a bad history with driving other people’s cars.”

“I’ve known him long enough,” Daichi said as the man handed him his keys. “Koushi’s free to go then? He’s not under arrest?”

“Not unless he actually stole your truck and you want to press charges.”

“Nah, not today,” Daichi said with a grin at Koushi. “You ready to go?”

“Please take me away from these cruel people,” Koushi said reaching to take the handlebars of his bike from Daichi. Daichi followed him across the lot to where his truck was parked. Somehow unscathed. He wasn’t sure what had happened but he had expected his pickup in a similar state to Koushi, bruised and bloody.

“Are you going to tell me what happened now?” Daichi asked as they reached the truck, pulling down the tailgate to put Koushi’s bike in the back. But then he could see there was already cargo. Bits and pieces of broken gnomes, bundled in what were definitely his towels out of the contents of his life stored in the back seat.

“It’s okay I used your towels right?” Koushi asked in a small voice, hefting up the bike with one hand to try and slide it in, he grimaced. Daichi grabbed the back wheel to help.

“Yeah it’s fine. Were they… did you find them like that?”

Koushi could only nod, the look on his face tight, eyes watery, his pressed his lips together.

“Was it Sal?”

Another nod.

“And you left him alive?”

Another nod, though Koushi’s fists were clenched, jaw clenched. He grabbed the tailgate and lifted it up to lock into place. Daichi didn’t know what to say as Koushi marched around to the passenger’s seat. The shotgun was sitting on the floor at Koushi’s feet. Daichi climbed in, he stuck the key in the ignition. He didn’t turn it, listening to the sound of Koushi’s ragged breath.

“You want to drive?” he asked hand still on the key. Koushi didn’t say a word but opened his door back up to walk around to the other side of the truck. Daichi switched with him, glancing uneasily back toward the hospital’s entrance to see if the officer was still there and watching.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Daichi asked as they pulled onto the highway. “Why’d Sal shoot you?”

“I don’t really want to talk about it,” Koushi told him.

“Does it hurt?”

“I’m alright.”

What had been a long anxious bike ride was a short drive back to the motel. The sky was looking like it might rain, clouds hanging dark and low. Koushi parked Daichi’s truck where he’d had it before, and handed the keys over.

“Thanks,” he said, “If you don’t mind hanging out with Ryu, I’m going to lie down.”

“Sure. Koushi, are you sure you’re alright?”

“Fine,” Koushi assured him, not looking back, digging through his pockets for his ring of keys and making for the steps. He’d left the gnomes in the back. Daichi looked in at them again. They looked as if someone had taken a hammer to them. He left them there, it didn’t make sense to him why Koushi might want to keep them in such a state, but clearly he had.

Ryu was where he’d left him, lounging in the chair.

“What happened?”

“Koushi got shot, he’s alright though,” Daichi told him, “At least I think he is. He said he’s alright.”

“He got shot?” Ryu’s mouth hung open in disbelief.

“He’s alright though.”

“Who shot him?”

“Some guy named Sal.”

“Oh,” Ryu said scratching his chin and nodding his head, “I suppose that makes sense.”

“How does that make sense?”

“The way Saeko tells the story, he was married to Marissa Cabelle for while,” Ryu said, “For like ten years? Before she moved out of state. Or maybe she moved out of state because of the divorce? It was a messy split. He hates her guts. Koushi probably knows the whole story.”

“My first day here he had climbed up the sign and was trying to take the neon,” Daichi said, Ryu cackled at that.

“He’s a wily old bastard for sure. When we were kids Dad was always like ‘stay away from that guy’ when we saw him in the grocery store. He was the one who took Koushi’s gnomes?”

“Yeah.”

“Did he get them back at least?” Ryu asked.

“Yeah,” Daichi said again without satisfaction.

Saeko had come in and Ryu had gone home and what he’d really wanted was to hang out with Koushi tonight but he hadn’t answered any texts and he was too nervous that he was unwanted to go knock on his door. It seemed like a million years ago last night laughing and griping at Koushi’s kitchen table, taking those silly selfies. He’d gone back to his room. And after deliberation called Yui.

“Yui, what’s the significance of the gnomes?”

“Daichi, I was sleeping,” Yui sounded grumpy on the other end of the line, it was almost six and Daichi had thought that would’ve been enough time to sleep. He could hear her yawn. He was sitting on the edge of his bed, laptop still open but he couldn’t write, outside rain lanced down shrouding the view of the parking lot. It wasn’t night but it was dark enough the street lamps had come on.

“Sorry, it’s important.”

“Ask Koushi, don’t ask me,” Yui complained voice still groggy.

“I can’t ask Koushi.”

“Why not?”

“He doesn’t want to talk.”

“Koushi always wants to talk.”

“Well he doesn’t right now. Sal smashed them.”

“Sal, what?” Yui’s voice pitched up in alarm, awake now. Daichi picked at a loose thread on the bed spread.

“He stole them and smashed them. Then he shot Koushi.”

“He _shot_ Koushi?”

“He’s okay, he’s alright. I shouldn’t have said it like that,” Daichi amended at the fright in Yui’s voice.

“God, you scared me for a minute… You said he smashed them?” she asked hesitantly.

“They’re shattered, like he took a hammer to them.” Or dropped them out of a window, ran them over with his car, somehow they’d come to a violent fate, sitting now against the wall in his room.

“What a fucking psycho,” whispered Yui. “No wonder Koushi doesn’t want to talk. Where is he now?”

“He went back to his suite, he won’t text me back. Yui, what’s it about?”

“Daichi, it’s not my place.”

“Did Marie give them to him?” Daichi dared, a tickle of something unpleasant in his stomach. Yui sighed heavily.

“No, not Marie.”

“But somebody?”

“Daichi,” the tone of Yui’s voice was strained and Daichi scuffed his feet on the carpet. “You’ll have to ask Koushi.”

Unsure what to do, and not feeling like writing, Daichi ventured out to the vending machine. It had begun to rain, coming down in heavy curtains as he tried to decide if what he wanted to drink was Coke or Dr. Pepper. Before he could even insert the bill, his phone started buzzing with an incoming call. He pulled the phone out of his pocket with a spike of disappointment that it wasn’t Koushi. It wasn’t even a number in his contacts. But the area code was from back home. He didn’t know who it could be, but out of worry that it was about family or maybe Hajime had borrowed somebody else’s phone he accepted the call pressing the phone to his ear. Hajime was the friend who would remember his phone number without needing to look it up in his contacts. God, he really hoped it was Hajime, he was the one he wanted to talk to right now.

“Hello?” Daichi answered, phone to his ear, feeding the dollar bill into the machine. A crackle of thunder sent a shiver through him. He hesitated on his drink choice.

“Daichi?” the voice sent Daichi’s stomach plummeting. He stared at the vending machine all the sodas suddenly in a foreign language, lost.

“Austin,” he said, his voice a croak.

“Can we talk?” Daichi couldn’t think, let alone talk, his head was static with disbelief and his chest hurt, trying to suck in a breath his lungs felt shallow. “Daichi?”

“Austin, it’s been over a fucking month,” it came low out of Daichi’s throat, breathless when he wanted it to be a growl.

“It’s no use talking to you when you’re pissed off,” Austin said his tone gentle, Daichi could picture him with a sorry look on his face, big dark eyes, half a fond smile, like he’d forgotten to take the trash out, like Daichi was mad about nothing. “I was waiting until you’d cooled off.”

“Fuck you,” Daichi choked at him, pulling the phone away from his ear to end the call.

“Daichi, Daichi, wait, I can explain,” Austin pleaded.

“Explain what? Why you were fucking some other guy in our bed? What the fuck is wrong with you?” He felt it all over again, as if he’d been stabbed, hurt spilling out of his chest, soaking into his clothes, he felt cold all over, dizzy and angry and sad, he leaned against the vending machine to stay on his feet.

“Just let me explain.”

“Do you really think there’s something you could say to make it better?” Daichi asked, none of the words he was saying were coming out menacing enough, his voice wouldn’t cooperate. Thunder crackled again, a sharp cold wind cutting through the walkway, even in the alcove with the vending machine, he was shivering now. He wanted hang up but suddenly he also needed to hear Austin’s excuse. As if something could justify it. As if he wanted something to justify it.

“Daichi, I love you.”

His stomach did another drop, all of it hitting him again, a heavy weight he thought he could carry but it curled his spine and he sank to a crouch, trying to keep his breathing even, eyes stinging.

“Daichi, are you still there?”

He could not speak.

“Listen, it was all a misunderstanding.”

“How?” the word was shaky. He hated feeling this way. He wanted to hang up. Could he go back to being Daichi in control of his life, instead of… instead of…

He heard the sound of footsteps, hoping they weren’t coming this way, trying to reassemble his fractured pieces.

“We’re just friends, me and Matthew.”

“Do you think I’m stupid?”

“You just jumped to conclusions, I don’t blame you. We’re just buddies.”

“You fuck all your buddies?” Daichi laughed bitterly.

“As if you’re any better. As if you weren’t messing around too,” Austin hissed then.

“Bullshit.”

“Who’s that guy? With the grey hair?”

Daichi’s eyes flew up to the person who was now darkening the entrance to the alcove. Koushi tucked inside a large hoodie, looking pale and exhausted, one sleeve hanging limp and empty, arm in a sling against his chest, a lump beneath the sweatshirt. Koushi’s eyes widened in surprise, lips twitching up into a smile for instant before he seemed to register Daichi was collapsing in on himself.

“Daichi? Huh? Where are you at? How long have you been with him?”

“Austin, you can go to hell,” Daichi whispered. Koushi’s eyes ignited not breaking eye contact with him.

“Want me to?” Koushi asked quiet, gentle, menace, kind and angry all together. Daichi contemplated that, as Austin continued on, his voice strung up with paranoia, bitter and sharp, the words meant nothing now, sounding far away with Koushi looking so fiercely at him. Daichi felt absent, he offered the phone over. Koushi put it to his ear.

“Hey dickhead,” he snapped. “You piece of shit, garbage bastard son of bitch. How fucking _dare_ you cheat on Daichi? What kind of stupid motherfucker are you?” Koushi was silent a moment, face twisting in anger further, knuckles white as he gripped Daichi’s phone. Austin must’ve retorted something.

“I’m Koushi Sugawara and if you ever fucking dare call Daichi again I will hunt you down and make you regret being born, do you understand me?” Koushi growled. He was silent only for a minute. “Yeah, I’ll bet, fucker.” And he pulled it away from his ear to end the call, eyes still blazing. “Goddamn Daichi,” he exhaled at Daichi was still crouched against the vending machine staring at him with something like disbelief. Koushi gave a half-hearted laugh.

“Uh, fancy meeting you here,” he said and offered Daichi back the phone. Daichi stared at it, lump forming in his throat. “You okay?” Koushi asked then, gentler still. Daichi swallowed hard and took the phone, their fingers brushing. He couldn’t summon the words to answer Koushi. _I’m okay. I’m okay._ If he kept insisting it to himself, maybe he would be.

“Feeling like getting drunk again?” Koushi offered reaching for Daichi’s hand to pull him to his feet, looking a little spooked. Daichi let Koushi pull him upright, and then Koushi set his hand on Daichi’s shoulder. That shook him out of it.

“I… I’m okay,” he finally forced out, the lie tasting like iron on his tongue, like blood. He felt sick.

“You sure? I’ve got plenty of booze.”

“I’m good, really.” Daichi didn’t feel good. He felt gross, and shaky and he hoped that Koushi couldn’t see it.

“At least let me buy you a drink,” Koushi continued still sounding a little panicked, hand still on his shoulder, nodding to the vending machine. “Hey, look there’s already a dollar in there, must be your lucky night,” he said with a forced smile.

“That’s my dollar.”

“O-oh, what are you going to get?”

“I don’t care, it doesn’t matter.”

“It does matter,” Koushi said and he squeezed Daichi’s shoulder, forcing Daichi to meet his eye. “That was a shitty thing. He shouldn’t have called. He had no right. Goddamn it, you shouldn’t have even answered.”

“I didn’t recognize the number, I thought maybe Takashi was in trouble.”

“Goddamn Daichi,” Koushi said again, eyebrows drawn up. He squeezed Daichi’s shoulder and for a second Daichi allowed himself to imagine closing the distance, to wrap his arms around Koushi, what that would feel like, and then it wasn’t just him imagining it, he was grabbing Koushi’s sweatshirt and pulling him closer. Koushi made a muffled yelp, trying to put a little space between them.

“My shoulder,” he croaked.

“Oh shit, I’m sorry,” Daichi let him go, face hot.

“Its fine, you’re okay, just… just,” Koushi tugged him back in, “Just easy on that side okay,” he mumbled. The thunder rumbled again, and what was meant to be a quick hug passed the time allotment for a quick hug, but Daichi couldn’t let go, suddenly finding all the feelings from leaving home had come bubbling back to the surface, the betrayal and disappointment and the feeling that he was on his own, that there was no space for him to stay, that he had to leave, tears escaping his eyes though he was trying his damnedest to keep them in. Koushi squeezed him.

“It’ll be okay,” he said rubbing Daichi’s back, Daichi gripped him a little tighter, at least on one side. “I know it doesn’t feel like it, but, it’ll get better, alright?”

“Okay,” Daichi mumbled back, willing to try to believe him, and then the moment had passed and he let Koushi go. Koushi held him another second longer before taking a step back. His eyes were shimmering.

“Alright,” he said slapping Daichi on the shoulder. Daichi gave him a wobbly laugh. “Now pick something to drink.”

The instant Daichi unlocked his door, with Koushi behind him popping the tab on his coke, he realized that maybe his room hadn’t been the best place to go. The four gnomes, still wrapped up in the towels sitting against the wall.

“Sorry, I didn’t want to leave them in the truck,” he said as they stepped in. “It didn’t seem safe and I know they’re important.” Koushi punched him.

“Why do you have to keep doing nice stuff like that, Daichi? Don’t you have any respect for my recent breakup? Quit trying to make me fall in love with you,” he huffed. It was a joke. It was probably a joke? Daichi didn’t know if it was a joke, heat rising in his face as he laughed like it was one. Koushi was smiling though it didn’t quite reach his eyes.

“I feel like we’re disrespecting their memory or something, should we go to your room instead?”

“No, no, we’re good,” Koushi said taking a sip from his soda and looking clearly not good. “Are you sure you don’t want to get drunk?”

“Don’t you work tomorrow morning?”

“I take back what I said about you trying to get me to fall in love with you,” Koushi said, “Clearly you hate me.” This time Daichi laughed for real and elbowed him.

“You got me.”

Koushi grinned.

“I was thinking, couldn’t we just glue them back together?” Daichi asked. “Just get a shit ton of superglue.”

“Why do you say that like it’d be easy?”

“I didn’t say it’d be easy.”

“But you implied it, like it wasn’t actually impossible.”

“It’s not impossible.”

“Daichi, it is.”

“Nope, you’re wrong, not impossible. Time consuming maybe? But not impossible.”

Koushi rolled his eyes and setting down his coke, lowered himself onto Daichi’s bed. His regular style was to throw himself onto the nearest soft surface but clearly his shoulder was hurting him. Daichi grimaced again at the way he had hugged him before, without regard. _Stupid!_

“I don’t know why you like this room,” Koushi said nodding to the painting of the dogs playing poker on the wall. Grandma’s house. Daichi liked it. It reminded him of Iwaizumi’s grandma and her everlasting supply of chocolate chip cookies.

“You designed it and you don’t like it?”

“Not all my ideas are winners,” Koushi said, slowly trying to struggle his way one armed out of his sweatshirt.

“Need some help?”

“First you try to woo me and now you offer to undress me?” Koushi asked wiggling his eyebrows, he stopped struggling and sat up. Daichi panicked a moment that this was actually an invitation to help. “Come on Daichi, get me out of this sweatshirt,” Koushi said when he did not move, frozen in place.

Daichi blew out a breath, trying not to think too hard about it and sitting down and reaching for the hem. Koushi waggled his eyebrows again, laughing when Daichi stopped to glare at him. Gently he pulled it up and over Koushi’s bad shoulder, Koushi wiggling his head out, still laughing and then he was free. He was still wearing the blood stained t-shirt and Daichi immediately could not look at him without his stomach tying itself into knots. If Sal’s aim had been off, if Koushi had been standing differently, he could just as easily be dead now, not giggling on Daichi’s bed, leaning over to the nightstand to grab his soda. He took a drink and set it back before he realized Daichi would not look at him.

“What’s wrong?”

“Why are you still wearing that shirt?”

“The same reason you had to help me out of the sweatshirt, I couldn’t get it off,” Koushi said seriously. “You wanna help me out of it too, Daichi?” he asked jabbing Daichi in the ribs.

“He could’ve killed you.”

“If he hadn’t shot me I probably would’ve killed him,” Koushi said thoughtfully, “He shot me in self-defense.” Daichi barked a laugh at that.

“I’m only sort of kidding,” Koushi said soberly.

“Just sort of? Koushi, what’s so important about the gnomes?”

Koushi sighed and laid back on the bed, hands resting on his chest, one by choice and one by obligation. Daichi kicked off his shoes scooting further back on the bed, eyes on Koushi’s face.

“Uh,” he rubbed an eyebrow absent mindedly.

“I mean,” Daichi backed up, “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. I tried asking Yui and she wouldn’t say. She said I had to ask you.”

“It would’ve been easier for her to tell you,” Koushi said, looking up at Daichi with a frown. “They’re my mom’s. After… um, after she died, the bank took the house, all my money was going to keep Kenji in school, so they just repossessed all of it. The gnomes were hers.”

“Oh.”

“And you know I’ve got the other ones, hidden in the shed? But it’s not like they’re just disposable. It’s my own fault for putting them out there like that, but it’s nice not to feel totally alone, you know?”

“You’re not alone,” Daichi said but he was thinking about what Koushi had said the night before, when they were happy and drunk. When he’d said he didn’t want to be alone anymore. Koushi shrugged.

“Kenji’s on the other side of the state, he’s the only family I’ve got left. And he’s off pretending I don’t exist, getting married to some girl I’ve never met. Marie hates my guts. You know, she texted me this afternoon while I was at the hospital, telling me to go fuck myself? All because of that picture. Imagine the power we would wield if we were a couple,” Koushi said, “Within twenty four hours we got both of our exes on the phone cussing us out. Everyone always thought Marie and I would get married. They picked us for the happily ever after superlative in the high school yearbook. Look how that turned out,” Koushi laughed bitterly.

“What about Yui?” Daichi prodded.

Koushi smiled.

“Fair, I love Yui, she’s my best friend. And I suppose there’s Mori too. Saeko,” Koushi trailed off eyes meeting Daichi’s. “There’s you?”

“There’s me,” Daichi agreed.

“Is it the blood? Every time you look at me you get really pale? Get me out of this damn shirt if you hate it so much,” Koushi complained.

“I can’t.”

“Not with that attitude,” Koushi said with a sharp smile, “C’mon.” Carefully he sat up and slid his arm out of the sling. The sleeve of the bad shoulder had already been cut off, the edges jagged. Daichi took the hem and worked it up this time helping Koushi get his good arm out first and then over his head, and then Koushi was sitting shirtless on his bed, chest and stomach pale, a splattering of moles like the one on his face. Involuntarily Koushi shivered and Daichi dragged his eyes away.

“Here you can have one of mine,” Daichi said jumping up off the bed to dig for a t-shirt out of his duffle, heat starting in his face and creeping down his neck. Koushi’s eyes were pinned on him. When he turned back around Koushi was still looking, little smile on his lips and eyes bright and dangerous. Daichi offered him the t-shirt, hands shaking a little. Koushi took the shirt, fingers brushing.

“Daichi, what’s wrong,” he asked still smirking. “Do you feel okay?” But he didn’t put the shirt on.

“I-I’m fine,” Daichi stammered and to prove it sat down next to Koushi on the bed.

“Can you help me again?” Koushi needled, holding the shirt out. Daichi swallowed hard and nodded. He was 80% sure that Koushi was doing this on purpose and didn’t actually need any help. Carefully, trying to make no skin contact Daichi helped Koushi slip the shirt over his injured arm first and then the other arm and then sliding it over his head. Koushi was laughing softly as Daichi tugged it down over his stomach, hazel eyes dancing. Daichi was too close now, feeling dizzy almost with it, hands still on the hem of t-shirt, hovering over Koushi’s waist. Koushi’s lips parted, and suddenly Daichi was aware they were both breathing shallow. Daichi’s heart beating too hard. Could Koushi hear it? There was no way he couldn’t. Daichi couldn’t move, couldn’t tear his eyes away from Koushi’s.

“Daichi,” Koushi’s voice was shaky, “Come on, just kiss me already.”

Daichi made an undignified squawk in response to that, Koushi’s eyes crinkling, catching him with a hand on his cheek as he tried to pull away. Daichi hesitated only a moment before he leaned in, hand uncertain on Koushi’s neck, he could feel Koushi’s pulse fluttering against his palm. Lips soft, soft, soft, melting into him, Koushi humming against his mouth, thumb brushing gently over his cheek. They broke shaky for a moment and then Koushi coming back, leaning forward, bumping noses this time in the haste to meet again. Daichi had lost track of himself, Koushi’s soft hair under his fingers, needing to be closer, Koushi’s fingers against his neck, making him feel like he’d been ignited, everything hot, desperate. Pushing Koushi back, hands tracing down his edges back to the hem of that cursed t-shirt. Koushi breath hitched as Daichi’s fingers skimmed beneath the shirt, wishing he could slide it back off, settling instead to feel the shape of Koushi’s ribs warm and solid beneath him, he realized in a daze what he was doing, what they were doing, pulling back. Koushi breathing hard as they surfaced for breath, Daichi leaning over him on the bed trying to catch his breath trying to reorganize his scattered feelings, Koushi giving him a lazy smile that was making it hard to focus. And then for a second he was transposed into some former memory, Austin below him with a smile glowing on his face.

_“Fuck me Daichi,” he’d pleaded breathless, face flushed. Daichi wanting to. Then the scene shifted, some other man on the bed, Austin on top of him lips pressed to his neck, the two of them laughing softly, Daichi couldn’t breathe, couldn’t get air into his lungs, the plastic bag of all the shit from his desk at the precinct slipping out of his hand to the floor with too much sound._

Daichi made a choking sound, sitting back. Koushi’s eyebrows lifted.

“Daichi?”

“Sorry, sorry, I…” he shook his head but the image was still there, Austin’s face shocked, lips swollen. The other man looking irritated at best.

Koushi sat up, reaching for Daichi’s arm, Daichi couldn’t look at him. Afraid what expression he’d find there. He could hear Austin accusation over the phone, _as if you’re any better._

“What is it? Daichi?” Koushi’s hand touched his face tentative. Daichi looked up to meet a set of worried hazel eyes.

“I didn’t, I didn’t pressure you, did I? You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to... I just,” Koushi was fumbling for words, withdrawing his hand as if he’d been scorched, eyes pulling away from whatever he’d glimpsed in Daichi’s face.

“It’s not you,” Daichi said wanting to reach for Koushi’s hand, Koushi had wrapped his arms around his stomach looking miserable. “I just,” he wanted to justify it, to take that look off Koushi’s face, unsure he could force the words out. Afraid to tell Koushi that he felt replaceable, that there was no guarantee that Koushi wouldn’t drop him the same as Austin had, and that he wasn’t sure he could handle that again. He certainly wasn’t handling it now. “I guess, Austin’s call shook me up, I don’t feel like myself.” The bright anger flashed in Koushi’s eyes again.

“I hate that fucking piece of shit,” he said firmly. Pressing his knuckles to Daichi sternum, a soft punch in definition only. “You deserve to be happy, Daichi.” Then he was leaning in again and for a second Daichi froze both hoping and afraid Koushi would kiss him, instead Koushi pulled him into another strong armed hug. Daichi rested his head against Koushi’s shoulder, arms around him.

Back in his room, his feelings still jumbled, Koushi laid down, breath whooshing out of his lungs. Daichi wanting him and then just as suddenly not wanting him, that his ex was somehow part of it. He’d heard the man on the phone, his deep voice. Koushi pictured him tall and broad shouldered. He imagined him playing pro basketball, chiseled jaw, drop dead gorgeous, never woke up with bedhead. What chance did Koushi stand against someone like that? _I’d never fucking cheat on Daichi._ His stomach knotting up, that maybe Daichi had only kissed him because of his ex, that maybe on some level Daichi was still in love with him and Koushi was just a warm willing body and then he’d stopped…because…? Maybe he felt guilty? Koushi grimaced dragging his hand through his hair again, because kissing Daichi had been good. It’d been more than good, warmth spreading through his body at the memory, Daichi’s hands on him, palms a little rough, radiating heat. He’d made his excuses to leave after they’d hugged. Daichi had apologized again, still not meeting his eyes.

He wanted to talk to Yui about it, but he wasn’t sure how he’d even start. It was one thing for Yui to joke about Daichi being in love with him and another for Koushi to admit to her that he was… whatever this was that he felt for Daichi. Because Daichi had told her he was gay and Koushi had… He grimaced trying to imagine it, if Yui would look at him differently? She’d accepted Daichi, but she also hadn’t spent her whole life with Daichi living as if he were straight.

He’d never told her about Kei and he’d regretted that so many times since. If it’d hurt to sneak around her then, it certainly hurt now, knowing that he’d known for such a long time without telling her and what he really needed was her help right now because all he could think was that by making the first move he’d fucked it up for good. That was if Daichi even liked him like that? He groaned again digging his knuckles into his eyes.

Yui was sitting in the office when he crept down sometime after one, she had a book open on the desk, reading through heavy eyelids, chin propped up on a hand. She looked up when he came in and then tilted her head in confusion.

“Koushi?”

“Yui, I can’t sleep,” he confessed draping himself on the desk, laying his head down on his good arm, unable to meet her eyes. She frowned at him.

“Okay?”

“I need to tell you something.”

“Koushi, I’m worried, should I be worried?” And then her eyes settled on the bandage on his shoulder, the sling. “Daichi said Sal shot you? You’re okay though right?”

“I’m fine,” Koushi said, his hand back in his hair, feeling sick to his stomach with nerves. “I just... It’s about Daichi.”

“Ah,” Yui said with a knowing smile, leaning forward on the desk, “You’ve finally figured out I’m right.”

“No. You’re wrong,” Koushi told her trying to keep his voice even, forcing himself to look her in the eye. “He’s not the one of us who’s in love.” He took a deep breath. “It’s me.”

“You,” she said after a long moment leaning back, her eyes wide. “Koushi?” Heat was surging in his face but he endured her probing look. “Then…?”

“Remember in high school,” he was going to purge all of this now, she had to know the whole truth, “Sophomore year, when I had like four different girlfriends?”

“Yeah?” Yui was frowning. Koushi pressed on.

“Remember the one I only dated for three weeks, after winter break.”

“Koushi you can’t expect me to remember all of your girlfriends,” Yui groaned rolling her eyes. Koushi flushed harder.

“You never met her because she wasn’t a her. I was dating Kei Tsukishima.”

“Oh,” Yui’s lips formed a perfect circle of surprise. “The tall quiet kid with the glasses? He was sort of an ass?”

“He’s a definite ass,” Koushi agreed, smiling a little, “I didn’t know how to tell you. Hell, I didn’t think I could until just now.”

“You dated him? Kei Tsukishima? You? Koushi?” Yui was shaking her head in disbelief.

“What? He’s nice when you get to know him? I sat next to him in orchestra, he relentlessly mocked my cello playing.”

“With good reason,” Yui said smiling remembering the year Koushi had taken orchestra. Koushi grimaced.

“I could’ve been a prodigy, I just couldn’t be bothered, anyway he gave me a private lesson and it ended up with us making out.”

Yui laughed now. Koushi’s embarrassment was fading and his heart ached that he’d kept all of this to himself forever, instead of telling Yui.

“We broke up because there wasn’t anything there, but I knew then that I didn’t just like girls,” Koushi said. Yui was nodding.

“Would you be mad if I told you, I’d wondered?” she said with half a smile.

“No, I wouldn’t be mad,” Koushi said, “You don’t think I’m weird now though? Or creepy? You’re not mad I never told you?”

“You’re still Koushi,” Yui said, “I mean, I wish you’d told me? I feel bad that you thought I would think differently about you if I knew. You’re still my best friend,” she said setting her hands on top of his. Koushi exhaled, dropping his head in relief.

“Thank god.”

He could feel Yui still vibrating across the desk from him. She only lasted another moment of silence before she couldn’t keep quiet any longer.

“So Daichi?” she asked.

“So Daichi,” he agreed grimacing and looking back up.

“Why not?” she asked and then she smiled, something clicking into place in her eyes, “That’s why you were so weird when I told you I was going to ask him out! You were jealous!” Koushi laughed, heat surging into his face again. “Why not you and Daichi?” she asked, “You’re hot, he’s hot, what’s there to object to?” She offered his line back to him. The wave of emotion rose in Koushi’s chest.

“He doesn’t like me back.”

“That’s bullshit. I said it this morning and I’ll say it again,” she said slapping his arm.

“He’s just hung up on his ex,” Koushi said, and then he told her what had happened. Yui sighed when he was done.

“I don’t know, Koushi,” she said. “I mean maybe that’s what it means. But I don’t think that you’re right that he doesn’t like you, because it seems pretty clear to me that he does. The timing’s just bad. Maybe you just need to give him some time. You didn’t break up that long ago with Marie either?”

Koushi pressed his face into his hands.

“It’s different though because Marie and I had been so absent for a long time.”

“You’re sure don’t just want him to fill that absence?”

Koushi groaned into his hands.

“No. I don’t. Why do you have to make me sound so disgusting, Yui?”

“I’m just saying, maybe you need some time too,” Yui said poking his elbow.

\--

Three days of dodging each other.

Daichi at first guilty that he’d put Koushi off and then aware that Koushi was avoiding him too, that maybe he wished he could take back what had happened between them. Why else would he keep answering Daichi’s texts with excuses, there were suddenly lots of problems at the motel that Koushi needed to personally solve at all hours of the day. Though maybe that was normal, but it seemed like a lot more problems than usual. Daichi tried to catch him in the office only to find Koushi was occupied in intense negotiations with someone about the merits of the rooms on the first floor, the second time, Koushi had leapt up with a wrench on his way out the door.

Daichi couldn’t, however, get their kiss out of his head, Koushi’s sudden excuse to leave afterwards. His clear avoidance of Daichi since then. Maybe he regretted what he’d done, Daichi reasoned, maybe in that moment they’d both been lost in their own griefs, Koushi’s plunging him forward and Daichi’s drawing him back. It had been a bad day all around. The gnomes. The hospital. Austin’s call. Except for the kiss. Koushi’s lips against his, his hand on his neck, the feeling of his stomach beneath Daichi’s hands, his lazy smile. If Koushi seemed like he wanted to take it all back, Daichi wanted only to try it again like perhaps Koushi could kiss all of his dread away.

All these things flitted through Daichi’s head in the moment he finally caught Koushi not running away. He was out on the front side of the motel in paint covered overalls, hair tied back from his face in a tiny pig tail on top of his head, one arm still in a sling, the other trying to negotiate a paint roller up and down the side of the motel. Fresh paint a shade of sky blue. Daichi watched him in silence for a moment cringing as Koushi nearly dropped the long paint roller.

“Do you need help?” he finally approached, Koushi turning to him startled, cheeks coloring.

“Hey Daichi,” he said voice coming out pinched.

“An extra hand maybe?”

Koushi gave him a lopsided smile and rolled his eyes.

“Ha ha,” he said. Daichi gave him an apologetic smile.

“No more bad jokes, I promise.”

“Why not? That one was almost funny,” Koushi pulled his paint roller down and it slipped from his one handed grip. “Shit.”

“Why are you the one painting the motel?” Daichi closed the distance between them to pick up the roller. Koushi heaving a tired sigh at the splatter of paint now on the walkway.

“No money to hire someone to do it. Tanaka’s got the desk today, Yui’s got stuff to do, Saeko has her other job,” he listed them off on his fingers. Daichi rewet the roller and started where Koushi had left off on the wall. Koushi frowned at him. “You don’t have to help me, Daichi.”

“I want to help you. It’s going to take you forever like that,” Daichi told him as Koushi wet a rag from his bucket of supplies to try and wipe the worst of the splatter off the ground.

“What a time to get shot, huh?”

Daichi laughed, the unease between them unraveling a little. He could almost imagine for a moment they hadn’t kissed on his bed, and then he was thinking about Koushi’s lips again, heat creeping up his neck. He glanced to Koushi who was studiously ignoring his look.

“I’m going to go grab a second roller then,” Koushi said after a moment.

By the time he’d come back Daichi had realized why he was wearing the overalls, paint already splattered on the toes of his beat up tennis shoes, a splatter along the knuckles of his one hand. They set to it, Koushi’s pace much slower than his.

Marissa would be here in less than a week, Koushi explained with a pinched look on his face as they worked. At this point Daichi had heard many things about the infamous Marissa. He didn’t think he was prepared to actually meet her. According to Koushi she had his cell phone number and did not hesitate to call him any time of the day or night with her ideas for the motel. And then it was his responsibility to carry them out, no matter or ridiculous or impossible they seemed. Marissa’s word was law, and woe be to the one who thought they could flaunt it.

“At first I couldn’t understand why the previous manager had stepped down, you know, other than the not great pay. I mean when she isn’t here you’re essentially your own boss, it’s not like anyone who works here is a pain to manage. One day Keishin’s just like ‘that’s it, I’m done’ and he walks out. And Yui and I had been here the longest we didn’t know what to do. So I called Marissa. Her number’s in the kitchenette and told her and next thing you know she’s here, I’m the new manager and that was that. She’s given me a little budget for keeping things looking nice and I’d always had the idea that having themed rooms would be cool, so one by one I did them. And next time she was in town she threw a fit,”

Koushi ran the roller a second time over the spot he was working on. There was a splatter of the sky blue paint on his cheek, it was clear why his hair was tied back. He set his roller down a minute and reached to scratch the spot on his face where the paint was, smearing it into a long streak, looking down at his fingers and huffing out a sigh.

“So you did it without her permission.”

“She said ‘Koushi, I trust you’. So I just figured,” Koushi shrugged but he was smiling cautiously at Daichi now. “I thought she was going to fire me though, she was yelling, she turned purple, Daichi. Like actually purple. Yui hid in the bathroom, she had 911 ready to dial on her phone.” Daichi could imagine that, Yui pale as a sheet, crouched by the door waiting for it to cross a line.

“But then in comes this family. They’d stayed in the Great Outdoors. And the kids were beaming, I’d given them s’mores, there’s glow in the dark stars on the ceiling, a bunk bed. The mom was so smiley, going on and on about it. And Marissa who’d plastered on this big fake smile when they’d come in, the more they talked the more it started to look real. I watched her transform from a monster back into a human. It was wild, Daichi. Anyway she never said another word about it. Gave me a little extra money even to finish up all the other rooms. But that was before Tripmates.”

“Yui, told me about Tripmates.”

“And it’s been the bane of my existence ever since,” Koushi complained, then giving a smile and a wave to the mom and daughter passing by them.

“Did you ever hear back from Kenji’s fiancée?” Daichi asked, while they were washing up in the bathroom in the office afterwards, Koushi trying to wipe the paint off his face with a damp paper towel.

“Oh yeah, I did. They’re coming up to visit,” Koushi paused meeting Daichi’s eyes in the mirror.

“That’s good?” Daichi asked, the look on Koushi’s face saying he wasn’t so sure.

“Yeah, it’ll be great,” Koushi answered looking away undoing the pig tail on top of his head. His hair standing all wild and resistant to any smoothing. He groaned wetting his hand and trying to flatten it back down, even wet it was still sticking up.

“That’s a good look,” Daichi told him and Koushi dug an elbow into his side.

“I look like I fell asleep face down, or like I haven’t slept in a year.”

“You always look like that,” Daichi said. Koushi’s face was lit up.

“You’re such a shit today, Daichi. Writing going that good?”

“I haven’t written in a while actually,” Daichi admitted drying off his hands on the towel.

“Are you done then? Can I read it?”

“No and no.”

“You suck.”

Daichi reached to mess Koushi’s bangs up more. Koushi one handed tried to shove him off.

“Quit picking on the wounded man, Sawamura,” he complained, Daichi smoothed Koushi’s bangs back down with both hands, then intensely aware he had both hands on Koushi’s face, looking into his hazel eyes like a kaleidoscope and he was lost.

“Koushi!” Ryu’s voice broke the moment, Daichi pulling away, face hot, Koushi moving past him toward the front desk.

“Stupid,” Daichi mumbled glancing back to the mirror, the color still there in his face. “Stop that,” he growled at the Daichi staring back at him with that panicked look on his face.

So Daichi didn’t hate him. Koushi had felt the prickling worry for the last three days, all of the carefully worded texts, the pained look on Daichi’s face each time they’d made eye contact. The way they were dancing around each other like they were strangers again. But then the way Daichi had touched his face in the bathroom, Koushi started to think…

But once he’d helped Ryu figure out how to input senior discount into the booking system Daichi had left without saying good bye, hung back up the towel in the bathroom, wiped up the smudges of paint their fingers had left on the counter and faucet handles, like he’d never been there. Like they hadn’t spent the whole afternoon laughing easily in the sunshine painting the motel. Koushi had almost gone up to his room to hunt him down and demand and explanation, to cross the line they’d drawn with kissing on the other side. Instead he tried to get the paint splatter off the walkway with a solvent, scrubbing it until his back ached and he wondered what the actual point was if it wasn’t going to come all the way off. Marissa would comment on it either way if it was a lot or if it was a little, so he left it somewhere in between and went to take a nap ahead of his overnight shift.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time: Sleepless


	6. Brothers Part One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Is the Wooden Nickel good luck or a curse?

The day after Koushi had his stitches out, they ate a late breakfast following one of Koushi’s overnight shifts in the office. The sun bright and warm through the front windows. It’d been over a week since the gnome incident. Everyone had checked out, Koushi had his shoes off. Daichi had cooked scrambled eggs for them on Koushi’s stove, they’d eaten at the coffee table in the office with hot sauce and fresh coffee.

“They taste so much better when you make them. I could fuck up a scrambled egg,” Koushi said, he’d finished his plate before Daichi for once, leaning back in the abomination chair, hands on his full stomach. “Think I could fill in that pot hole in the parking lot by myself?”

“I bet you could,” Daichi said opening his phone to google it. “Why bother fixing it though, shouldn’t you leave it so Marissa does something about it herself?”

“See, that’s what you would think,” Koushi said sipping his coffee. “But it doesn’t work like that, instead she’ll ask ‘why didn’t you do something about this?’ as if I’m a miracle worker with infinite funds. And then it’s my fault and my problem and I hate when she bitches about things.” He yawned slumping in the chair. “I’m so fucking tired, the pothole will have to wait until tomorrow.”

“I can go down to the hardware store later and see if they’ve got this asphalt patch stuff,” Daichi handed over the phone so Koushi could scroll through the DIY article, covering another yawn. He handed back the phone to Daichi and walked around behind the desk to see what sort of money he had in the till to pay for the patch mix.

“How much asphalt do you think?” he asked Daichi without turning around. Daichi made a thoughtful sound, watching Koushi cover another yawn. He’d gotten a couple hours of sleep in the middle of the night, but he was pretty sure Koushi hadn’t slept at all except for stolen bits here and there. Then the bells on the door jingled, it was way before check-in but not unheard of for a random guest to appear at this hour. Koushi shut the till, turning around to face the people who’d just entered.

No sooner than Koushi had seen who’d entered the office than he was vaulting over the top of the desk. Daichi turning in alarm to the couple. A tallish man maybe their age, who was immediately struck him as familiar and a shorter girl at his side with long dark hair. Koushi tackled the tawny haired man to the ground, the girl giving a small shriek as the two wrestled on the floor. Daichi had leapt to his feet from where he’d been slouching on the couch.

“Koushi!”

With a thump Koushi had pinned the other man, sitting on his back, good arm around his neck in a headlock.

“Leggo, Koushi,” growled the other man, mole above his eyebrow, who Daichi could now see was the infamous Kenji, red-faced and glowering. Panting a little Koushi turned a triumphant smile to Daichi before tossing his wild hair out of his eyes to look at the girl who could only be Kenji’s fiancée.

“You must be, Jazzmine,” Koushi said beaming up at the girl who was still looking down at the two with some degree of fright. “Sorry you have to marry my little rat bastard brother. I don’t know how he turned out so…”

Koushi didn’t finish as Kenji threw him off and they tussled another tense moment before Kenji was sitting on Koushi’s chest, knees to his shoulders keeping him pinned. Koushi gasping, eyes squeezed tight.

“Hey, easy on his shoulder,” Daichi lunged forward when he caught sight of Koushi’s face.

“He’s not hurt, he’s a big baby, faking it,” Kenji drawled, eyes settling on Daichi with an analyzing glare. “I told you this was a bad idea,” he said to Jazzmine, whose face was now mirroring Daichi’s concern.

“Mercy,” Koushi finally able to croak out, digging his fingers into Kenji’s thigh pressing into his bad shoulder. Kenji immediately got off of him, Koushi still lying flat, wheezing.

“Are you okay?” Jazzmine asked moving closer, shooting a glare at Kenji.

“He’s fine,” Kenji huffed straightening his t-shirt, “Kou, quit faking.”

“You little…” Koushi was forcing a smile, teeth still clenched.

“Koushi, you alright?” Daichi dared, reaching for his elbow to help him sit up.

“Fine, fine,” Koushi grunted with a grimace as he changed positions. Kenji was still skeptical, looking from Koushi to Daichi as if he was doing a math problem. “Welcome home, baby brother,” Koushi finally addressed to Kenji, eyes still watering a little, hand closed tight over his shoulder.

“And you wonder why I’ve put it off for so long,” Kenji’s face was bored.

“Kenji, don’t be rude,” Jazzmine slapped his arm with the back of her hand.

“Isn’t this exactly how I described though?” something shifted in Kenji’s face talking to Jazzmine, the hard line of his mouth and brows softening looking down into her face.

Koushi pushed himself to his feet, brushing off Daichi’s attempt to help. Standing up, side by side, it was clear the differences in the two Sugawara brothers, Kenji marginally taller, his hair a shade different than Koushi’s, short and curling at the edges, more lean and delicate to Koushi’s working muscle and scrappy.

“It’s good to finally meet you, Koushi,” Jazzmine said reaching to shake Koushi’s hand, she’d linked elbows with Kenji. Together they made a pretty looking couple, Jazzmine short and all curves, big brown eyes, long dark hair, half up in a bun on the back of her head, the rest swinging low across her shoulders, Kenji, tall and handsome.

“Likewise,” Koushi smiled back at her and then turning to Daichi. “This is my friend Daichi, Daichi this is Jazzmine and Kenji.”

“Oh~!” Jazzmine’s face lit up shaking Daichi’s hand. “You’re him!”

“I’m who?”

“From that picture on facebook. Right, Kenji?”

Kenji had made no move toward Daichi yet, still giving him an unreadable scrutinizing look. Koushi had gone red, Daichi found.

“Oh that, that was a joke, right Daichi?”

Daichi’s heart squeezed even though that’s exactly how he’d described it to everyone who’d asked him. Hearing Koushi say it hurt. A joke. All of this was a joke. He thought of his bed, the lazy smile from Koushi, kissing. His heart thumping uneasily. Jazzmine laughed.

“Oh, a joke? I guess I thought… it doesn’t matter. All the comments made it seem like it was serious.” Daichi’s stomach dropped, he never read past Yui’s comment with the hearts, he’d seen the notifications that some of his aunts had commented, hadn’t dared to read what they’d written, he could already imagine the words they would’ve used, words like ‘sin’ and ‘shame’. Jazzmine was trying to keep her smile, but the crinkle in her brows suggested perhaps she had read those comments.

“Kou’s not gay,” Kenji volunteered then and Daichi’s blood turned to ice. Koushi freezing beside him before laughing, a frightened shaky sound. Daichi fought the urge to reach for him, imagining taking his hand.

Jazzmine slapped Kenji’s arm again.

“I’m so sorry you had to grow up with him,” she told Koushi with a sweet smile. His expression eased with her words.

“And I’m so sorry you’re going to be stuck with him for a husband.”

Kenji was growling, face reddening, mask cracking.

“Sorry, I snooped,” Jazzmine said turning from Koushi to fix her dark brown eyes on Daichi. “You’re from California, right? What’re you doing in Kansas?”

“He’s on a cross-country road trip,” Koushi filled in before Daichi had to figure out a lie so he didn’t have to tell Jazzmine the truth. He felt a wave of gratitude crashing in his chest, glancing to Koushi who flashed him a smile.

“Oh, that’s awesome,” Jazzmine said looking to Kenji, “I’m thinking of going to law school out west next year. What part of California are you from, maybe you can give us some tips…”

Daichi let himself fall into the easy rhythm of Jazzmine’s questions. Koushi shuffled beside him sidling a little closer to Kenji.

“Congratulations,” Koushi worked the word out of his mouth, sad all over again that Kenji hadn’t wanted to introduce Jazzmine to him. Jazzmine who was right now making Daichi laugh, easy and kind, sparkling intelligence in her eyes. Koushi could only think how much their mother would’ve liked her.

“Thanks,” Kenji grumbled back, flushing slightly, meeting Koushi’s eyes for a second, the façade cracking. “What’s wrong with your shoulder? I didn’t… did I?” Koushi shook his head.

“Fucking Sal Manetti shot me. Like a week ago.”

“He _shot_ you? Jesus Christ, Koushi.”

Koushi laughed thumping Kenji on the back.

“Same old, same old, huh Ken?”

“You gotta…” Koushi watched the words ‘get out of this town’ form and die on Kenji’s lips. The age old argument. Why they hadn’t spoken in so long. Why, presumably, Kenji had been resistant to introducing Jazzmine to him. “You gotta take better care of yourself, Kou,” he tried again. Koushi sighed running a hand through his hair.

“So what, you guys are here for the afternoon?”

“We’ve got a long weekend, we were headed to Denver. One of Jazz’s cousins is getting married. Thought we could stay over, uh, if you’ve got room at your place,” Kenji said, color bleeding into his face again. “Jazzmine wanted to see where I grew up. Wanted uh…” Kenji was red, shoulders hunched up. Here he was, the snot nosed younger brother who was always in some sort of trouble, Koushi smiled at him, the old familiar embarrassment on Kenji’s face. He knew who he was in relation to this version of his brother, standing a little taller, “…she wanted to meet you. Koushi I…” he trailed off as Jazzmine laughed loud then at something Daichi had said turning both brothers’ heads.

“Kenji, Daichi is going to teach us how to surf.”

“Whatttt?” Koushi turned to Daichi in disbelief. “You never told me you surf?”

“I definitely did,” Daichi said rolling his eyes.

“No, I would’ve remembered something…” Koushi swallowed the word ‘sexy’ down, “Something _cool_ like that. Probably the only cool thing about you.” Daichi snorted at him.

“Koushi, you’ll have to come out and visit us, Daichi can teach you too,” Jazzmine said glancing at Daichi with a tentative smile. Something cold ran through Koushi at that because in his mind Daichi stayed here, he hadn’t let himself consider a future where he just went back to California. When had he started thinking that? A buzz of panic starting. Kenji punched him in the ribs.

“How about that, Koushi? You still afraid of the ocean?”

“I’m not afraid of the ocean,” Koushi protested, Daichi cocking his head at him now.

“You’re afraid of the ocean?”

“I’m _not_ afraid of the ocean,” Koushi reemphasized heat in his face at the look Daichi was giving him. Kenji cackled.

“Sure, _right,_ what about the Mariana Trench then?”

“Oh god, don’t,” Koushi shuddered.

“You _are_ afraid of the ocean,” Daichi said in disbelief.

“Not the ocean, just the…” Koushi almost couldn’t bring himself to say it while Kenji continued to laugh. “The _unknowable depths_ , getting stuck in a rip current, sinking to the bottom. Daichi have you seen the things that live down there?” Koushi shivered at the thought, anglerfish, viperfish and gulper eels. Monstrosities lurking in the deep.

“He went through this ocean phase in junior high,” Kenji was supplied without prompting from anyone, and Koushi smacked him in the shoulder in retaliation. Kenji fended off his blow, it was too little too late, he couldn’t be shut up now, “We used to watch deep sea documentaries like they were horror films. He had so many nightmares.”

“I hate you,” Koushi growled at him. Daichi had a slow creeping smile that was so fond it almost made up for the hot embarrassment that had flooded every inch of Koushi’s body. “It’s a valid fear.”

“There’s nothing wrong with that,” Daichi was quick to say, “A healthy respect for the ocean is good self-preservation.”

“See, I’m justified. Daichi’s the pro and he’s on my side,” Koushi retorted at Kenji.

“I wouldn’t say I’m a pro.”

“You’re a pro. You probably won surfing contests when you were a kid,” Koushi growled back at him.

“Why are you mad at me?”

“Your silence on those surfing contests is deafening, Sawamura.”

“Maybe one medal, once.”

“Maybe?”

Kenji was looking between the two of them, Koushi recalling what Kenji had said before that he wasn’t gay. It wasn’t like Daichi was his boyfriend though. Sure he’d driven him back to the doctor to get his stitches out, had helped him with the second and third coats of paint on the motel, they’d ordered pizza and stayed up together last night on his overnight shift, but they hadn’t talked about the kiss, the brief burning moment between them. Koushi was thinking about it right now though with Daichi’s eyes on him, that half smile on his lips that made Koushi dizzy with want. To taste those lips again.

“Koushi, when’s your shift over?” Kenji cut whatever moment had settled over them, Koushi dragging his eyes away from Daichi.

“I’m on until Yui comes in,” Koushi answered, “She’ll be here at one.”

“Ehh? Yui’s still stuck here too? You two are impossible. Wanna loan me your keys and we’ll drop off our stuff at your place?”

Koushi laughed uncomfortably.

“Let me just put you guys up here for the night,” he said.

“No space in your apartment for two more?” Kenji asked. Daichi was looking at Koushi now too.

“No, it’s a mess, here would be much better,” he said, “Your room’ll be on the house. Just this once.”

“How generous.”

“So you’re afraid of the ocean,” Daichi said when Koushi had sent them on their way with a key to the mountain cottage. Which between the two concerning things Daichi could’ve picked up from Koushi’s conversation with Kenji, was definitely the less embarrassing one.

“Daichi,” he groaned, “You said it was reasonable.”

“It is reasonable, I just didn’t know. Have you ever even been to the ocean though?”

“That is so rude, like I’m some landlocked hick,” Koushi complained, “Of course I’ve never been to the ocean.” Daichi laughed.

“I’ll take you.”

“You won’t just teach me how to surf when I go visit Kenji and Jazzmine?”

Daichi blinked at him and Koushi regretted the dig. Daichi hadn’t said he was going back to California, so Koushi had no right to feel angry about it. But he would go back eventually right? That was the assumption, the whole premise of their relationship. Koushi didn’t want to think about it.

“I’d teach you, if you want?” Daichi said hesitantly, “But maybe baby steps would be better? Save surfing until you’re not worried about sinking to the bottom.”

Koushi laughed that off, pouring himself a fresh cup of coffee, not wanting to think any further about the bottom of the ocean. He was bone tired and ready for a nap. He hadn’t expected Kenji and Jazzmine to come today or else he would’ve gotten out of his overnight shift. Daichi had caught some hours of sleep on the couch last night, he almost looked well rested.

“So you’re going to spend today with Jazzmine and Kenji then?” Daichi finally asked.

“Yeah, seems that way,” Koushi yawned. “Yui will be here in a little bit.”

“I’ll see you later then,” Daichi said straightening to head for the door. Koushi watching him go, words rising late to his lips.

“Wait, Daichi.”

“Huh?”

“You should… you could hang out with us, if you want?” Koushi sputtered out, “It’ll probably be lame, we’ll go to the wooden nickel and then just drive around and stuff but if you wanted you could hang out with us. Maybe keep Kenji from murdering me?”

“Are you hiring me as a bodyguard? It seemed like you can defend yourself pretty well.”

“Did you miss the part where I was about to pass out because he had his knee in my shoulder?”

“Good point. Are you sure you want me to come? Won’t I get in the way of family time?”

“It’s fine. It’d be more fun with you there,” Koushi said giving him a sudden shy smile, “I mean, if you’re not totally wiped out. You didn’t get much sleep last night.”

“You didn’t get any.”

“I got like probably two hours, if you combine all the times I nodded off.”

Daichi shook his head in disbelief.

“Why don’t you tell him you need to take a nap first?”

“Ah, I couldn’t do that, then I’d have to tell him I’m still doing overnights.”

“Just like you told him you’ve got an apartment?” Koushi stomach turned over. There it was. The other thing.

“Yeah. Just like that. You can’t- you won’t tell him the truth right? He’s trying to show off to Jazzmine, no need to embarrass him.”

“Your secret’s safe with me,” Daichi promised tapping his nose and smiling at Koushi. “I’m going to take a nap though first. I’ll meet up with you guys later.”

“Sleep is for the weak,” Koushi informed him. Daichi laughed and pushed his way out the door. Koushi exhaled when Daichi was gone, laying his head in his arms but his brain was still going too fast to even think about sleep.

\--

“The motel is looking good,” Kenji said as they waited outside the ice cream shop while Jazzmine was in the bathroom. So far he’d managed to keep the conversation firmly trained on Jazzmine, on the law schools she was looking at, on the antics of her big grey cat that was according to Kenji ‘ _approximately the size of a freight train’._ Koushi turned to look at him. “When we were in high school, the place was so run down, there was only ever a handful of cars in the lot.” Koushi hadn’t thought about that in a long time, but he knew immediately Kenji was right. “Remember when the pool used to be filled?” Kenji added after another moment, he’d turned to Koushi with a light in his eyes. Koushi remembered, smile jumping to his lips.

“And we’d bike out there after dark?” Koushi answered with a grin. They’d been twelve and fourteen respectively. Kenji smaller than Koushi then but with long skinny legs that betrayed the future. Koushi didn’t remember where they’d gotten the idea from. Maybe Mori, who was full of bad ideas, though he almost never participated in them. They’d dropped their bikes beside the old sign (Only half the letters lit up at any given time. The shape of the moon permanently dark in those days. That was the first thing Koushi insisted they fix). Then creeping through the long grass they’d reached the gate and scaled over the top of it, slipping into the water like eels, smothered laughter carrying across the aquamarine water, lit from below. A glowing basin.

Kenji hummed beside Koushi now, and Koushi wondering if he was picturing the same night. Not the ones they’d been chased off by overnight clerks, the times there were guests in the water and they’d laid in the grass in the dark getting bit up by mosquitos, waiting for them to leave. The scoldings they’d received from their mother when they’d turned up missing from their beds, waiting angrily in her night gown by the back door like a vengeful ghost. Those memories were warm but in a different way than the first night where their plan had gone flawlessly.

“Those were the days,” Kenji agreed, popping the rest of his cone into his mouth. Koushi nodded, still working on his. Jazzmine was still nowhere in sight. “Though you’ve still got that godawful shag carpet in the office.”

“One day,” Koushi promised him, “I’ll rip it up myself. You can help me.”

Kenji snorted.

“How about your big buff _friend?_ ”

Koushi cocked his head at him.

“Daichi? Yeah, he’d be great to rip up carpet with,” Koushi smiled to himself. Kenji was giving him another searching look. Koushi chewed the inside of his lip thinking about what Kenji had said to Jazzmine in the office. ‘ _Kou’s not gay.’_

“Okay, I’ll bite. So what’s going on with you and that guy?” Kenji said then. Koushi nearly choked on his ice cream.

“Who? Daichi?” it came lopsided out of Koushi’s mouth, startled and not cool and aloof as he’d wanted. Kenji was looking at him with a penetrating gaze. “Nothing, why?” Kenji shrugged.

“Just like what Jazzmine said, it seemed like…” Kenji was reddening again. Koushi was waiting for the finish to this sentence. What did it seem like? He’d been afraid to hope anything about it for days. Daichi was acting normal. As if it’d never happened. Maybe as if he wanted it to be like it’d never happened. Kenji heaved out a sigh.

“You know, uh,” Kenji started again, scratching his neck. “I’m sorry okay.” Koushi’s full attention was on him now.

“I like him,” Koushi admitted in a small voice. “We kissed but it got all weird. We haven’t talked about it. I think he might not be into me in that way.”

“I should’ve called you about the engagement,” Kenji continued as if Koushi hadn’t just spilled his guts. Koushi blinking at him in disbelief. “Jazzmine showed me that message you sent her. I didn’t even think about how it must’ve come off. I wasn’t trying…” Kenji hadn’t ever been good with words and he looked more flustered with each sentence he started.

“It’s okay, you’re here now, right?” Koushi threw an arm around his brother’s shoulder.

“That’s it?”

“That’s it. We’re too adult and grown up to hold grudges, huh? I’ll just not tell you when Daichi and I are getting married, you’ll find out on in our Christmas card the year afterwards.”

“Fucking… you’re what?”

Koushi was laughing, taking another lick of his ice cream cone.

“You’re dating him?”

“No,” Koushi exhaled, smile falling, heart aching, “Unfortunately.”

“So you’re… you’re…”

“Pan, bi, whatever.”

Kenji was gaping at him.

“So you _were_ dating that Tsukishima kid in high school then! I _knew_ it!” Kenji elbowed him hard. “I told Mom…” He swallowed hard fumbling for a second, blinking.

“I told her, she knew,” Koushi said.

“Oh,” Kenji looked at him, looking lost for a moment like seventeen year old Kenji again, trying to find solid ground. Koushi knew that look. The drowning look. “She fucking lied to me,” he finally sputtered reclaiming his cynicism, “I asked her and she said he was working on a school project with you.” Koushi laughed loud at that, ice cream sliding off the top of his cone. Kenji snickered as Koushi’s face fell.

“That’s not funny,” Koushi said jabbing him in the ribs, “little twerp.” Kenji shoved him off and Koushi redoubled his efforts, sticking the remaining cone in his mouth and catching Kenji in a headlock to mess up his hair. Growling Kenji attacked him back, Koushi pecked at him with the cone in his mouth, laughter spilling around it, tightening his head lock. Kenji tried to pry him off.

“Do I need to separate you two?” Jazzmine had appeared beside them with a bemused look. For a second Koushi remembered his mother standing over them in the living room, video game forgotten as he and Kenji pummeled on each other. They’d been small, Kenji in a growth spurt that put them on even footing pulling Koushi’s hair, while Koushi sat on top of him and tried to pin him to the floor. _“Boys.”_ The tone of their mother’s voice enough to stop them long enough for Kenji to wriggle loose and kick Koushi in the stomach.

Daichi caught up to them at the wooden nickel where Jazzmine had strong armed Kenji into a series of selfies. Koushi was leaning against a wooden panel with a picture of two wooden nickels with humanoid arms and legs and holes to stick your face through, a photo opportunity. Right now it appeared to be the only thing keeping Koushi upright.

“Selfies for good luck?” he asked Koushi, who was yawning into his elbow, everything about him screaming that he was dead on his feet.

“Can you distract them for twenty minutes?” Koushi asked blinking slow at him. “I’ll pretend Yui’s got some kind of emergency back at the motel and sleep in your truck.”

“Want me to?”

“Koushi, join us!” Jazzmine called waving him over. “Daichi, you too!”

Koushi gave Daichi a look. A silent plea.

“Time to change our luck?” Daichi asked.

“That’s right, you’ve been under the wooden nickel curse since you first came here,” Koushi said brightening a little. “Honestly, I don’t know how you haven’t died yet.”

“Maybe the selfies are actually bad luck.”

“Not according to the legend,” Koushi said with a grin and then Daichi found Koushi’s hand in his dragging him to join the other two. Shocked for a moment, then Koushi shooting him a smile over his shoulder, Daichi couldn’t help but smile in answer, heart beating a little harder.

Koushi’s head was drooping, still eating until he wasn’t, head down on the table.

“Koushi, hey Koushi,” Kenji threw a fry at him, but he was out cold. “Did he fall asleep?” Jazzmine reached across the table to shake his shoulder.

“Koushi?”

Koushi mumbled something unintelligible but did not move to sit up, breathing deep, and then emitting a soft snore.

“He worked an overnight last night,” Daichi tried to explain to the alarmed looks from Jazzmine and Kenji. Koushi had been quiet all dinner, wilting silently.

“Why didn’t he say something?” Jazzmine looked distressed, “He’s been awake for like twenty four hours then?”

“Dumbass,” Kenji sighed rubbing his forehead. They finished dinner. Afterward, Daichi shook Koushi’s shoulder. Koushi blinked hazily at him.

“Hmm?”

“We’re gonna go home, we’re done with dinner,” Daichi told him.

“M’kay,” Koushi said shutting his eyes again.

“You’re going to have to walk to the car,” Daichi told him, “I’m not going to carry you.”

“Why not?” Koushi mumbled.

“You’re heavy as fuck,” Kenji said from the other side of Koushi, “Gimme your arm, Kou. I’ll help you.”

Between Daichi and Kenji, with the barest help from Koushi they got him out of the diner.

“We can take him home,” Kenji said when they paused at Daichi’s car. The night was warm, stars out overhead.

“That’s alright, I can get him home,” Daichi said. “Right, Koushi? I’ll drive you home?”

Koushi hummed.

“Please, Daichi.”

He fumbled his way into the passenger seat of Daichi’s truck. Kenji and Jazzmine saying goodnight. Daichi climbed in and buckled Koushi’s seatbelt. He was tipped over, arm cradling his head against the window. Daichi waited until Kenji’s car was gone before starting his truck. He drove back into town winding through the quiet residential streets, some houses with lights on, wondering which one of these Koushi grew up in. If the park he passed was where he and Kenji used to run wild. He had a hard time imagining a life as small as this town, back home he could still get lost without even leaving the city limits, he could drive for an hour and not reach the boundaries of it, the endless strip malls and suburbs, the fast food chains, the parts of the city that looked the same as any other city in America.

Here in the dark back streets thinking of it he felt homesick for the first time since he’d gotten here. Thinking of his elementary school and taking the bus with Hajime when they’d been small, the convenience store they’d roamed with their allowances clenched in grubby hands. The sand volleyball court where they’d first met Tooru, at sundown some long ago summer night, with his hand radio trying to make extraterrestrial contact.

Weekends in high school, getting up before sun rise, they’d take his pickup, Hajime crawling into the passenger seat, hair wild, hardly able to keep his eyes open. He always fell asleep before they even got out of his neighborhood and didn’t wake until Daichi had gotten to their spot at the beach. Eyes cracked open they’d share the thermos of coffee Daichi had gotten up early to brew, before hauling on their wetsuits and paddling their boards out into the waves. The feeling of the early morning sun on his skin, the easy rhythm of he and Hajime’s friendship. Occasionally Tooru would insist on coming with, which wasn’t a bad time by any means but wasn’t the same. Tooru would sit on the beach in the sun and trade insults with Hajime every time they came ashore, he’d drink the remainder of their coffee before it got cold, guard their stuff on the beach. By the time it was mid-morning and the water started getting crowded Tooru was the always the one who went in search of early lunch while Daichi and Hajime laid in the sand dreaming of next weekend.

Koushi woke with a crick in his neck, aware that he was in a car that he only had the dimmest memory of getting into. But he wasn’t moving, frowning he blinked out the window at an unfamiliar newly sprouted field, a nearly full moon hanging low to the horizon bathing the landscape in pale light. Turning his head he could see Daichi leaning his head out his open window looking up at the sky. The wash of moonlight over his cheeks, the thoughtful smile up at the stars, long dark eyelashes. A cool breeze wafting in over them.

“Daichi, where’re we at?” his voice came out thick with the sleep he hadn’t fully shook off. He still felt tired, his whole body like it was weighed down with lead, he wished he were laying down in bed, unsure why he was here instead. Not exactly positive this wasn’t actually a dream.

“I told Kenji I’d take you home, just giving him a good head start,” Daichi said. Koushi sighed remembering the lie he’d told his brother about where he was living and grateful to Daichi’s dedication to protecting the truth. Koushi shifted in his seat so he was facing Daichi, resting his cheek against the upholstery, eyelids heavy. Daichi glanced at him with that warm smile that made Koushi want to kiss him all over again. Maybe this was actually a dream. His heart was doing something funny. “Go back to sleep,” Daichi told him gently.

“Are you going to leave?” Koushi asked, voice a little less scratchy than before, sleep escaping him like water from a bath after the plug is pulled. Daichi’s brows knit at that.

“I don’t know,” he said, “Probably eventually.”

Koushi didn’t know why he had asked. People at the motel always left. That was the way it was. Daichi had stayed but someday, probably sooner rather than later, he would leave. He breathed out, shutting his eyes trying to stomach it, when he opened them again Daichi was looking back out the window, quiet strung up like a net between them, the first summer insects humming outside, somewhere far off there was an owl, frogs in the water filled ditches, there was no persistent drone of the highway or the tv or the motel’s ancient furnace, just Daichi and him here in this moment. Koushi imagining again the gentle slant of Daichi’s mouth against his, the igniting heat of his palms against his skin. Wondered if that was the conclusion they were stumbling back towards or perhaps that door had closed when Daichi had pulled away, if it’d ever even been open in the first place. Did it matter if he was just going to be leaving anyway?

He dragged his eyes away, aware he’d been looking too long as Daichi’s gaze slid back to him.

“Should we go back?” Koushi asked though in this moment he didn’t want to go back.

“I suppose,” Daichi agreed but he didn’t start the truck. Didn’t even move to turn the key. “Koushi?”

Koushi flinched, looking back to Daichi. He wasn’t sleepy at all now. Only aware of whatever it was, was now crackling between them. Heat lightning from a distant summer storm, the tense anticipation, humid air clinging between stalks of corn, buzzing sharp and hazy all at once. He struggled in a breath, knowing with the look on Daichi’s face that he felt it too.

_Kiss me again. One more time for good luck. Before you put this place in the rearview._

Koushi’s lip trembled with the thought. Anything to break this smothering heat, uncertainty.

“That night,” Daichi was a braver man than Koushi, forging forward. Koushi didn’t ask which night. He was sure he already knew. Stomach knotting, sure for a moment Daichi was going to tell him it was a mistake. That they couldn’t keep fumbling around like this over what had clearly been some sort of divine accident. “Do you regret it?” Daichi forced out. Regret it? Koushi frowned. Maybe he meant some other night? Where had he gotten regret? There was nothing Koushi regretted about any of the time he’d spent with Daichi so far. Except maybe all the time he’d wasted not kissing him.

“What night, Daichi?”

“Were you wishing I was Marie?”

Koushi leaned forward in disbelief, wanting to seize Daichi’s shoulders and equally afraid to touch him. 

“Which night?”

“That…when you asked me to kiss you,” Daichi’s voice nearly a whisper, he looked sad all at once or embarrassed, maybe both.

“No! I wanted to kiss you, Daichi,” Koushi answered and Daichi’s eyes brightened, Koushi’s own fear swelling. “But you weren’t thinking about me. You were thinking about him.” Not a question. A statement. Koushi didn’t move, the way Daichi’s lips twisted confirming. He felt the air hissing out of his lungs, looking away.

“Let’s go back.”

“Koushi, can I kiss you?”

 _Dear god, please do._ Koushi shook his head instead, wordless, needing to be in motion or needing to be out of this truck, the air too close. Feeling nearly sick to his stomach with despair.

“Koushi.”

“I’ll drive if you won’t.”

“I wasn’t wishing you were him. You’re not…” Daichi shook his head, leaning toward Koushi with frustration, “I’m not…”

“Daichi, please.”

“Can’t I even tell you that I like you? You’re not a substitute, Koushi. You’re not a rebound or some sort of place holder. I like you.”

“Then why were you thinking about him?”

“Because he’d just called and I… he fucked with my head. He gutted me all over again. Because nothing’s as simple as on or off.”

Koushi knew that. Koushi _knew_ that. Why did it feel so hard to believe Daichi when he said it?

“If you want me to back off I will. I just…” Daichi hesitated, Koushi’s breaths were shallow. Daichi was so close now. Breathless leaning in, Daichi’s hesitant hand cupping his cheek.

“I like you too,” Koushi breathed out, feeling like he would drown in it if he didn’t say it, words he wasn’t sure Daichi would hear.

“For real?”

A small laugh squeezed out of Koushi’s throat.

“I really like you, Daichi.”

“You like like me,” Daichi was almost snickering.

“Quit it, I’m being serious,” Koushi said.

“So when you asked me to kiss you, before, uh,” Daichi was halting now, leaning closer. Koushi’s heart was beating harder, “You weren’t just teasing me.”

“You make it so easy I can’t help myself,” Koushi said.

“So it was a joke.”

“No, not a joke, not a joke at all,” Koushi told him fiercely, “Was it a joke to you?” Daichi shook his head, Koushi watching his adam’s apple bob as he swallowed.

“Koushi, I like you too. Like like you.”

“Oh my god, you’re so stupid, you’re ruining the moment,” Koushi groaned, a wild bubble of laughter threatening in his chest. He felt the same wild rush he had before asking Daichi to kiss him and Daichi had obliged.

“What moment?” Daichi asked leaning in. Koushi’s heart was beating so loud he could barely think, brain short circuiting. “Can I kiss you?”

One kiss soft and enquiring and then a second more desperate, the air heavy with the promise of rain, the center console between them when Koushi only wanted to be closer. Hands seeking purchase in Daichi’s hoodie trying to pull him in, Daichi’s hand on the base of his neck, fingers in his hair. His touch sparking fire. Koushi was burning.

Two seconds from about to climb over the console and pin Daichi in his seat, Daichi pulled back breathing hard, eyes dazed. Again the small panic crept up in Koushi’s chest. _Don’t be thinking about Austin. Only about me._

“God, Koushi,” Daichi exhaled, flushed and breathless.

Then Koushi’s phone started ringing. Shattering the trance they’d entered, the quiet sound of their staggering breaths.

“Fuck,” Koushi hissed, “If it’s Kenji I swear to god…”

Daichi huffed on a laugh, thumb tracing a line along Koushi’s cheek, Koushi’s eyes climbing back to his, they kissed again for a second before Koushi pulled away.

“I should answer it, maybe it’s Yui.”

“Yui is important,” Daichi said with a teasing smile and Koushi lightly punched him before dragging the phone out of his pocket, mostly intending to just silence it regardless of who was calling, but then he could see the caller ID, pulse spiking.

“Fuck,” he whispered again and answered, holding the phone to his ear, sinking back into his seat and out of Daichi’s reach.

“Hey Marissa what’s up?” he answered, looking out of the window instead of into the questioning look Daichi was giving him.

\--

“Yui, she’s going to be here in the morning.”

Yui had been about to leave, Koushi hopping out of Daichi’s truck before he’d even put it into park. Running after Yui to catch her before she got into her car. Yui, to her credit, did not ask who.

“What can I do?” she asked instead following Koushi back to the office. They tried to take it in with Marissa-vision. She would think it was a mess, Koushi’s head spun with the things to do, he’d thought they’d had another couple of days to get ready. At least they’d gotten the exterior painted, but the pothole was still in the lot. The office needed a good deep clean…

“Koushi have you slept at all?” Yui asked him then, and Koushi wondered if he was acting manic or if the bags under his eyes made it that obvious.

“No,” he answered her honestly which was a mistake because then she had him by the shoulders pushing him back out of the office directly into Daichi who’d finally caught up with them.

“Sawamura, put him to bed,” she said sternly and then Koushi was being dragged up the stairs by Daichi, struggling.

“Put me to bed? What the fuck? I’m not five years old. Come on, Daichi, there’s too much to do,” Koushi protested as Daichi pulled him up the stairs, trying to dig in his heels, resist. The look on his face somewhere between frantic and annoyed. He didn’t know if Koushi was really trying to fight back or if he was so tired that was making him weak in the knees. Any day of the week Koushi could overpower him through sheer will alone but right now he was swaying in Daichi’s grip, Daichi keeping him upright as much as he was pulling him up the steps to the suite.

“I’ll sleep, I promise, I just need to clean out the vending area. Greta always forgets to empty that trash. Marissa goes feral over full trash cans.” Daichi unclipped Koushi’s keys off his belt, evidence that Koushi really was exhausted because his attempt to stop him was ineffective, a well-rested Koushi would never have allowed his keys to be stolen. Daichi unlocked the door, pulling Koushi in and closing it behind them.

“Daichi.”

Daichi walked him back towards the bed, it was there in the air between them again, the head rush of their kiss in the car. Daichi had been cursing Marissa for the last twenty minutes for interrupting. Koushi’s mouth was parted, breathing shallow, Daichi put his hands on his shoulders and gently pushed him back onto the bed.

“Daichi, the vending machine.”

“Don’t worry about the vending machine.”

“She’s going to flip shit. I have to keep her happy or she’ll think of a thousand impossible tasks. She won’t fill the pool, you don’t understand,” Koushi argued, staggering to his feet just to have Daichi gently push him back down.

“Nope, you’re going to sleep,” Daichi said, kissing him soundly and laying him down on the bed, pinning him before Koushi protest. Koushi struggled against him as he settled on top of him, trying to roll him off, to get some sort of leverage.

“That’s not fair! Get off of me!”

“No, you’re staying right here, in bed, and you’re going to go to sleep and let Yui handle it.”

“She’s going to be here in less than eight hours, Daichi, you don’t understand. The office is a mess! I didn’t clean up the vending machine! Marissa’s going to have a cow! I swear to god if you don’t get off of me…!”

“What? What are you gonna do?” Daichi smirked down at him as Koushi tried to heave him off, panting and pushing. Daichi laying on top of him like an irritating weighted blanket. God, with that sexy smirk, hazily he imagined giving in and letting Daichi stay here on top of him. That’d be better than emptying the garbage. A flush crept up his neck and he shook that thought off.

“I’m gonna beat your ass. You’re the worst, you know that? Why do you have to weigh a fucking million pounds, your stupid heavy muscles,” he growled instead. Even though they were nearly the same height, Daichi was heavy as fuck, on top of him like a paperweight, arms crossed on his chest, and Koushi could not buck him off, he was quickly losing the will to try, “You damn smug bastard, get off of me.”

“It’ll be fine, Koushi, Yui will clean up. You fell asleep in your mashed potatoes, just-” Koushi’s hands smushing his cheeks stopping him mid-sentence, changing tactics.

“Stop it. Did you go to the hardware store and get the asphalt to patch the pothole? We have to do that. At least.”

Daichi rolled his eyes.

“No.”

“What do you mean no?”

“I mean no, Koushi,” he said slowly and pressed a kiss to his collar bone. Koushi froze.

“What the hell are you doing?”

Daichi kissed his neck, Koushi squeaking.

“Daichi.”

“Stop worrying,” Daichi murmured against his ear, kissing the corner of his jaw. Koushi made another embarrassing sound, somewhere between a protest and a sigh.

“Daichi,” he tried again but his heart wasn’t in it now. Daichi kissed his cheek, Koushi reaching to set his hands on Daichi’s face and realign his aim. Daichi held still though, over top of Koushi, gazing down into the look on Koushi’s face, eyes soft.

“Are you still worried?” he asked. Koushi took a shuddering breath and bit his lip.

“Is that a trick question?” he asked. Daichi huffed a laugh at that answer and Koushi smiled weakly, “Yes, I am.”

“What’s the worst that could happen?”

“She could fire me, charge me back rent for living on property, could fire Yui also, publicly disgrace me…” Koushi listed them off. Daichi leaned in to kiss the corner of his mouth, Koushi’s breath leaving his lungs.

“Just because there’s a pothole in the parking lot?”

“I-it’s practically a crater. When it rains they could designate it as a lake.”

“Is it your job to patch potholes?”

“Daichi,” Koushi protested again, Daichi moving away from his mouth, another kiss to his cheek. Koushi’s hands on his face pulling him back, slotting their mouths together.

Time was lost. Koushi shut his eyes and sank into it, aware of Daichi’s hands in his hair, thumb stroking the side of his head, shifting his weight so he was no longer crushing Koushi beneath him. Dimly Koushi thought he could escape, it’d be simple to toss Daichi off of him now, but fuck, was he tired though. At last, Daichi drew back and Koushi dragged his eyes open.

“Daichi,” he mumbled, Daichi leaned in to kiss his forehead, lifting off of him to reach over to shut off the light.

“Quit arguing,” he said settling back down beside him and wrapping his arms around Koushi. Koushi sighed and let himself be pulled in, breathing in the smell of Daichi. “Go to sleep, Koushi.”

“This isn’t over,” he answered shutting his eyes and kissing Daichi’s jaw, Daichi hummed, lips to his hair, rubbing his back.

“Go empty that trash then.”

“I will,” but Koushi did not move, “In just a minute…”

Daichi laughed softly, the rumble of it in his chest. Koushi smiled a little, a witty rejoinder coming to mind but it was foggy and he lost hold of it as soon as he’d thought of it, letting out a long breath instead…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next time: Marissa arrives


	7. End of the World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marissa has arrived

Koushi was having an unpleasant dream, he was sleeping at the front desk but the bells on the door kept ringing. He knew he had to get up and let whoever it was in but he felt like his body was filled with sand. He was so comfortable and warm, curled up not on the desk but the couch, Yui’s blanket wrapped around his shoulders, the phone rang behind the desk and he knew he should answer it, there was pounding on the door-

And then he was aware that the knocking was not in the dream, the knocking was in real life. He was tucked under the covers, warm and lethargic and then the knocking started up again more aggressive.

“Koushi!” he could hear his name called distantly through the door, his cell phone starting to ring and then the panic finally caught up with him, struggling to disentangle himself from the blankets, and then aware the comfortable weight around his ribs was Daichi’s arm, still breathing deep and asleep, pressed to his back.

“Shit, shit, shit.” Koushi tried to gently peel him off.

“Koushi!”

“Daichi, shit, Daichi,” he pried Daichi’s arm off, Daichi sighed and shifted trying to pull him closer, “Daichi, please let go.” The knocking paused and the ringing stopped. He could still hear a voice outside the door, two voices. Shit. Kenji and Jazzmine had wanted to say goodbye he was supposed to meet them at the office at 8. The alarm clock showed it was 9:15.

“Koushi?” the voice called again, and Koushi finally dragged himself out of Daichi’s grip, tumbling out of the bed, staggering toward the door, still wearing yesterday’s clothes. He leaned to look through the peephole, Kenji and Jazzmine and Yui, heads bowed together, Yui looking at something on her phone. Then Daichi’s phone started to ring.

“I can hear it in there,” Yui said and Koushi pressed his back to the door. Then Kenji was knocking, Koushi trying to pull himself together. Daichi rolled onto his back reaching up to rub his eyes, reaching for his phone on the night side table.

“Daichi, Daichi, don’t,” Koushi hissed. Daichi’s eyes found him with a sleepy smile, and then Koushi was crossing the space between them. “You’ve got to hide, they’re going to get the wrong idea if I open the door and you’re here.”

“Huh?” Daichi blinked sleepily at him, Koushi reaching for his shoulder and then intensely aware that Daichi was shirtless, hands landing on his warm bare skin. Koushi squeaked pulling back his hand like he’d been burned. “What’s going on?”

“Kenji and Jazzmine and Yui outside the door,” Koushi rasped.

“Oh shit,” Daichi said.

“You’ve got to hide.”

Daichi fumbled out of bed, Koushi looking around for a space to fit Daichi. It’d be a squeeze to put him under the bed.

“Go hide in the shower,” Koushi said gently pushing him toward the bathroom, Daichi stumbled and disappeared into the darkened bathroom, Koushi reaching the door, just as he heard the lock begin to rattle. Dragging the door open to find Yui with Greta’s keys, Greta now joining their assembled group. They all gaped at him in surprise.

“Koushi!” Yui was the first to speak. “We thought maybe you were dead.”

“You fuckin’ bastard,” Kenji swiped for his neck and Koushi dodged out of his grasp, “You fuckin’ live here?” Koushi really regretted opening the door.

“She’s here, she’s down in the office,” Yui finally said her face white. “Ryu is trying to distract her, we’ve been trying to call you for forty minutes, Koushi.”

“Fuck,” Koushi exhaled. He’d forgotten about Marissa. “I need to shower.” Kenji successfully hooked him into a headlock now.

“You were just going to not tell me that you were living here?”

Yui leaned her head into the door looking around as Koushi tried to get Kenji off.

“Where’s Daichi? We heard his phone.”

“Yeah, Kou, where’s _Daichi_?”

“He’s not here.”

“Those are his shoes,” Yui argued.

“His car is in the parking lot and we already know he’s not in his room,” Greta offered unhelpfully.

“Daichi! Come out!” Yui called.

Koushi punched Kenji in the gut scrambling loose of his grasp to physically block Yui from entering any further, panting with exertion. Jazzmine was giving him a sympathetic look.

“Maybe we should give Koushi some privacy,” she suggested.

“Thank you!” Koushi huffed.

“We’ve got to hit the road, we’re late already,” Kenji said, “You know we went to that apartment complex and knocked on some stranger’s door, Kou. Were you just going to not say anything?”

“Yes, that’s exactly what I was going to do. Better than you looking at me like you are right now.”

“Right now I’m looking at you like you’re a dumbass who had us all worried this morning, not answering your phone.”

Daichi’s phone started ringing from behind Koushi on the night side table.

“I knew it,” Yui said pushing past Koushi, she bent to look under the bed. She didn’t find what she was looking for, venturing in further towards the kitchen. Koushi sighed turning back to Kenji. Kenji was frowning at him.

“I’m alright, Ken.”

“You sure about that?”

“Found him,” Yui called from the bathroom. “Did you make Sawamura sleep in the tub, Koushi? That’s cold.”

“I didn’t…!” Koushi protested turning around. Yui was walking back to join them. Daichi nowhere in sight. “Where is he?”

“He’s asleep in your tub,” she said cuffing the back of his head.

“Can all of you just leave right now,” he said, grabbing Yui’s arm trying to urge her back outside.

“We’re going on to Denver,” Kenji said, hands in his pockets. “We’ll be back this way Sunday. I’ll text you.” Koushi dragged Kenji into a hug and mussed up his hair.

“Drive safe,” he growled. Kenji’s arms tightened around his ribs.

“I will,” he promised.

“Jazzmine,” Koushi turned to shake her hand, but she threw her arms around his neck.

“Yui, tell Marissa I’ll be down in fifteen minutes, I’ve got to shower.”

“Are we all just going to ignore that Daichi is sleeping in your tub?”

“Yes,” Koushi said and he shut the door on them turning the lock and sucking in a deep breath.

The longest part of his shower was getting Daichi back out of the tub. Feeling jittery afterward he pulled on his worn Blue Moon polo he only wore when Marissa was in town and briefly considered dress shoes before deciding that was kissing too much ass. Daichi had started his coffee machine and Koushi took a long sip off the top of Daichi’s mug before heading for the door. Daichi caught his wrist dragging him back in to kiss him. Koushi sinking against him with a sigh, before dragging himself away.

“Daichi, I’m already late.”

Daichi kissed him again, fingers combing through his damp hair.

“Please,” Koushi argued, between kisses, “Daichi.” Daichi’s thumb against his cheek. “Quit it or I’ll put you back in the tub.” Daichi laughed pressing their foreheads together. Koushi shut his eyes, fists in the t-shirt Daichi had put on, trying to steel himself to go down and face Marissa.

“You’re going to be late,” Daichi finally reminded him.

“I’m already late,” Koushi brushed their lips together one more time and then walked for the door.

Marissa’s cherry colored Lexus was parked haphazardly outside, and Koushi opened the door to find his office in disarray. The coffee machine was in the wrong spot. Yui standing back, surveying the chaos. Marissa, with her bleach blonde hair, fake tan a shade too dark as always, directing Ryu who was moving the couch from one side of the office to the other. To Koushi’s shame Ryu had decided that this was the day to relax his personal dress. Wearing sandals and gym shorts and a shirt sporting the words “Got tickets to the gun show?” and arrows pointing to his biceps. He looked to Yui, her lips pressed into a line, the dead look in her eyes telling him he everything he needed to know.

“Oh! Koushi, good of you to join us!” Marissa said cocking him a smile with too much teeth. Ryu stood back hands on his hips, breathing hard. “How do you like this? It’s so much better right?” she asked. The furniture reconfigured in a way that Koushi did not think was better at all. He forced himself to nod.

“Much better,” he agreed, Yui rolled her eyes. Marissa planted her hands on her hips and surveyed the office. Ryu was making eye contact with Koushi mouthing a request to leave. Koushi nodded his head.

“Should we do our walk?” he asked Marissa to distract her. Ryu slinking behind the desk to grab his sweatshirt.

“Sounds good. Yui, honey, you got the desk?” Marissa asked, Yui gave her a tight smile, her eyes full of hate. Before Marissa had moved away, Koushi had talked Yui out of quitting at least three times, and he knew right then if he didn’t get Marissa out of the office right now, there was going to be a fourth time, or possibly blood, it was difficult to tell with the look on Yui’s face.

“Come on, you’ll be impressed,” Koushi said waving her toward the door like trying to lure a dog with the promise of a nonexistent treat. He knew Marissa would not be impressed, she never was, even when what he was showing her was impressive. Marissa stepped out through the door and Koushi shot a grateful look to Yui and Ryu. Yui raised her fist. Ryu looked like he was thinking about quitting. Koushi turned to follow Marissa out.

\--

“Can we open the pool this summer?” Koushi asked when they’d reached the end of their walk across the property. Marissa hummed.

“We can discuss,” she said as she always did, but that did not break the tension that had begun settle into Koushi’s body. Marissa had been too quiet their entire circuit of the property. Usually she saw immediately all the repairs that were long overdue, all the places the new paint had not quite covered, the improvised fixes for things Koushi didn’t have the money to fix properly, and she would comment on them relentlessly.

At first he’d felt proud as she eyed the paint job, the soft sky blue they’d picked to paint the exterior, when she’d had no snobby comment about the coverage or about the color. She walked by where he’d spilled paint and done his best to clean up but it was still visible and her eyes skated over it without comment. But when they walked by the south gutter that he knew was barely hanging on, that Mori had come to look at and quoted him too high of a price to make fixing it seem worth it, and he watched her look at it and decide to say nothing, a chill began to creep up his spine.

He walked her past the ice machine. She tested it out and it didn’t even spit out ice for her today and she had nothing to say about that either. They walked by the empty swimming pool, the leaves and trash in the bottom that Koushi had cleaned out two days ago only to have more blow in and she merely blinked at it. She did hum at the appearance of the sign, which he hoped was approval but with her lack of reaction to anything else, only made him more uneasy. And then they were back at the office.

She led the way inside to presumably have their usual chat about the list of things to be done and his thoughts about what they needed money for. Yui was giving him a questioning look as they passed, he wondered if his apprehension was evident on his face. He tore his eyes away from her focusing instead of Marissa’s back as she lead the way into the back hall to her private office, the one that was always locked unless she was here. She opened it and it was just as it always was, a museum preserved in time of some strange reality where Marissa worked here and didn’t just stop by on her whim once in a blue moon. The dread was palpable.

Marissa sat down behind her desk, folding her hands, her fingernails were painted a fresh startling red.

“Do you mind closing the door?” she asked him before he could sit down, even her tone was wrong. Koushi had sat through how many of these and had never felt as deeply unsettled as he did right now. He shut the door, hearing the soft sound of voices at the reception desk, and then heart drumming, he sat in his chair across from Marissa, sweaty palms gripping his knees.

“Koushi, we’ve had a good run,” she started, and Koushi felt the blood leave his face. “Occupancy has been down the last ten months, honestly for years now. I know you’ve done your best. You always have. But it’s not good enough,” she tapped her fingernail on the desk and then swiped it through the layer of dust there with a frown.

“I think if we open the pool, that would help,” Koushi forced the words out of his mouth, he wasn’t going to take her letting him go, lying down. “Half of the reviews that dock us a star on TripMates are about the pool. If we can get our rating up, more people will stop, more people will reserve ahead of time. The wooden nickel is still a draw. People see the reviews for the chains in Colby and they’d rather stay there than here when it looks like we’re run down because the pool is always closed.” He tapped on the desk. “We need to put just a little more money into it. There’s that huge pothole in the lot. And the ice machine, and…”

“Koushi,” Marissa cut him off. “If anyone could save this motel it’s you, but that’s what I’m trying to tell you. I’m losing money, I’m going to sell.”

“You’re going to sell?” Koushi choked out, putting his hands on the desk.

“When I moved to Arizona, this place was supposed to be just an investment, a little side money to feed my retirement account, but the property’s getting on in age, and it’s not worth it to me to keep putting money in. You’ve got to understand. It’s nothing personal.”

“Can I…” he struggled now, “Can I change your mind? Just…” He wanted to say fill the pool, he wanted to say give me more time but the look on Marissa’s face was that she’d made up her mind. She’d come back to evaluate the worth of the assets. There was nothing he could say to change her mind.

“My agent is flying in tomorrow from California. Did you keep the Queen’s Chambers open for me?”

Koushi could only nod, unable to speak again.

“I’ll be staying until we find a buyer,” she informed him, “My agent will be staying here too, give him one of the good rooms. Make sure everyone is at their best.”

“What happens to us?” Koushi choked. Marissa shrugged and then seemed to realize that was a callous response.

“I suppose it’ll depend on what the new owner wants, whether to keep you on or hire new people. Though the town might buy the property and raze it, put in a Walmart or something,” she said as if what she had just suggested was not the most heinous thing to grace Koushi’s ears today. Then she turned him out. Koushi stumbled from her office, feeling sick with anxiety.

\--

Koushi couldn’t stay put, everything upended, he biked into town thinking maybe the exertion would clear his head. He kept thinking if he could just take a step back, the way forward would be clear. He’d left his phone in his room, Marissa calling him be damned. Daichi had been gone when he returned, to his dismay, because the first person he’d thought he needed to tell was him. He’d dodged out the back door to avoid confronting Yui, not sure if Marissa wanted him to be broadcasting her plans and knowing Yui would smell the secret on him.

By the time he returned he didn’t feel anymore settled, anxiety crackling like white noise under his skin. He had to do something but he didn’t know what. Finally putting his bike back in the shed, under the scrutiny of his mother’s gnomes, he headed back towards his room, noting Marissa’s Lexus was gone from its non-parking spot. He ran into Daichi on the stairs.

“There you are,” Daichi was breathless, eyes bright and smiling. Koushi wanted to cry, the sweeping relief in his heart to see Daichi’s face. “You weren’t answering your phone and Yui didn’t know where you went. How did it go?” his cheer cut right through Koushi’s chest, sucking in a deep breath to settle his roiling stomach.

“It went fine,” he lied trying to continue up the stairs, trying to keep his voice level, Daichi followed after him.

“She didn’t notice the trash in vending?” It was teasing. All of Koushi’s fears last night seeming shallow and silly to the reality of today.

“Nope, not a word,” he said forcibly upbeat. He unlocked the door and let them in.

“Yui said she had Ryu reorganizing the office this morning.”

“Jesus,” Koushi groaned, Daichi laughed.

“How about the pool?”

Koushi choked on that, giving Daichi a look. Daichi immediately sobered.

“That bad?”

Koushi looked away, dragging off his now sweaty polo and digging through his dresser for a t-shirt.

“She won’t fill it,” he said voice coming out shaky. Daichi was quiet, Koushi felt his eyes on him, waiting.

“What is it?” Daichi finally asked.

“It’s nothing.”

“You know you can talk to me, right?”

Koushi tugged on a clean shirt and turned to where Daichi was waiting for an answer. Trying to steady himself he sucked in another breath.

“She’s selling it.”

“Selling what?”

“The motel,” Koushi said swallowing hard.

“She’s selling the motel?”

“It’s everything I’ve got,” Koushi said, “I fucking live here, it’s everything. She hasn’t even been here in ten months, she doesn’t think we’re selling enough rooms but she hasn’t even _tried_ to make things better.”

“Who’s going to buy it?”

“I don’t know, maybe the co-op to tear it down, build more grain silos or some shit. Maybe some big chain will buy it. And then it’ll just be another nobody place, anonymous, middle of nowhere motel,” Koushi heaved it all out, he wanted to be moving again but Daichi was blocking the door.

“Why don’t you buy it?”

Koushi’s brain staggered to a halt at that, staring at Daichi.

“What?” Daichi asked.

“Why don’t I just buy it?”

“Yeah. You know how to run it, you’d run it better.”

“Hell yeah I would,” Koushi mumbled, his knees weak at the idea but it was already flying away on wings he could not follow. He sank down on the edge of the bed. “Except it’s not like she’s gonna sell it for $1200 or something. Daichi, I don’t have the money to buy a motel.” He shook his head. How many times had he wished this motel was his so he could take care of it properly?

“You could take out a loan or something. Find an investor? That’s a thing right?” Daichi asked sitting down next to him. Koushi scratched at his cheek, trying to imagine that. “Just because she’s selling it doesn’t mean it’s the end of the world. You’ve got other options, you could always…” Daichi trailed off, he didn’t have to finish his sentence. Koushi bristled, chest tight. Daichi sounded like Kenji right now. Telling him to walk away from the motel. To up and move someplace new, start over somewhere that held a future. Daichi didn’t get it.

“I could always what?” Koushi pushed, voice coming out sharp, eyebrows narrowed.

“I don’t know,” Daichi said softer, scratching the back of his head looking embarrassed.

“What?” Koushi insisted.

“What if there was something else?”

Koushi’s lips twisted.

“I couldn’t leave, Daichi,” he said scowling, “Is that what you were going to say? The motel is everything. My whole life is here, Yui is here, I couldn’t leave.”

“Kenji’s not here,” Daichi pointed out.

“Don’t bring Kenji into this,” Koushi growled fists clenched, “It’s not as easy as walking away. I can’t just pack up and skip town to run away from my problems.”

Daichi froze beside him. And Koushi immediately wished he could take that back, the words had come out all wrong, an implication he couldn’t take back.

“Daichi, I’m…”

“No, you’re right,” Daichi was back on his feet, face stiff, he wouldn’t meet Koushi’s eyes. “I took the coward’s way out and you want to stay and fight.” Koushi’s stomach was tied in knots.

“I didn’t mean it like that, really. I don’t know why I said that.”

“You said it because it’s true. I just thought…” Daichi hesitated now, one step already taken towards the door. “When you said you ran away in high school because you didn’t want to be here anymore. And Yui told me you dropped out of college to take care of Kenji after your mom. I just thought… that maybe you’d want to leave now that you’ve got the chance?” Koushi leaned forward, elbows on his thighs, stomach twisting tighter. “Koushi?”

He couldn’t believe that Yui would just tell Daichi that. He’d fully intended to tell Daichi, were it ever to come up. Hearing it said out loud and he was picturing again their empty house, Kenji piling his belongings into the back of his car moving out to university. The two bankers in their empty living room talking strategy while Koushi tried to swallow his pride and ask to stay with Yui. Koushi’s chest ached, all of the old feelings resurfacing. He flinched when Daichi’s hand found his shoulder.

“What else did Yui tell you?” he finally forced out, face in his hands. Daichi sat back down next to him.

“Nothing, just that.”

“I couldn’t go back and leave Kenji here by himself. He was only seventeen. You understand that right? As a brother?”

“I’m not saying you should have.”

“I was going to fail out anyway,” Koushi continued into his hands, desperate to make Daichi understand, “When we did assignments I was always off the mark. It wasn’t about creativity, it was about how well you fit into the professor’s perception of what makes good art. And I didn’t make good art,” Koushi said shaking his head. “In high school I used to paint these murals downtown. Everyone used to say, remember me when you’re famous,” he rasped out a laugh at that, Daichi was leaning into his shoulder, warm and steady, hot tears stung in Koushi’s eyes and he tried to swallow them back. “What a joke.”

Koushi’s voice cracked. Daichi unsure what to say that would make it better, make any of it better. He was in over his head. He’d run into Koushi on the stairs intending to flirt, to steal more kisses, to move whatever this was between them in a direction. He hadn’t thought everything was about to dissolve beneath their feet. Koushi had always said very little about his life before the motel, very little without prompting about Kenji and apart from the gnomes Daichi knew almost nothing about Koushi’s mother.

“Daichi, I’m really sorry I said that,” Koushi said again breaking the silence between them, “about running away. You’re not a coward.”

“You’re wrong.”

“No, I’m not,” Koushi said lifting his head to elbow Daichi, his eyes red but lips pressed firm in sincerity. His hazel eyes stern. “I’m glad you left California. Fuck Austin and fuck the police.”

Daichi snickered and Koushi offered him half a smile, and his hand. Daichi took it, squeezing tight.

“Do you still want to paint?”

“I don’t know what I want,” Koushi sighed. “Sometimes I want to paint? But there’s never time and when there is time… I don’t know. I, uh, I don’t have my paints anymore, I left them with my roommate when I moved back.”

“That was stupid.”

“It was,” Koushi agreed. “I just knew I wasn’t going back. I was a mess. I…” he shook his head and Daichi ran a thumb over the back of his knuckles, Koushi’s voice sounding smaller. “I don’t really want to talk about it,” he finished finally glancing at Daichi with a lost look in his eyes.

“That’s fine, we don’t need to talk about it,” Daichi promised. Koushi let out a heavy breath and leaned his head against Daichi’s shoulder and Daichi’s heart thumped painfully, sliding a little closer to rest his cheek against Koushi’s hair. They were quiet for a moment.

“Hey I was thinking,” Daichi said squeezing Koushi’s hand.

“Ooh, Daichi thinking,” said Koushi, muffled into his shoulder, prodding him in the ribs with a finger. Daichi smiled, taking courage from that and continued.

“I was thinking… about last night… if you like me and I like you, maybe we should go on a date? Uh, like officially.”

Koushi made a snuffly sound of laughter.

“The world is ending and you’re asking me on a date?”

Daichi pulled back to see the look on his face.

“Are you crying?”

“No, I’m not crying,” Koushi huffed at him, eyes shimmering and he jabbed Daichi again with his free hand to reinforce it. “Anyway, if I was crying,” he said picking his head off Daichi’s shoulder, “It’s your fault for dragging out my traumatic past and asking me deep philosophical questions like what I want out of life. You should be ashamed of yourself.” Daichi snorted.

“I’m sorry.”

“That was the least convincing apology I’ve ever heard,” Koushi told him.

“Well you weren’t crying so I don’t really have anything to apologize for, do I?”

Koushi smiled at him, like the sun emerging from behind a cloud.

“Good point.”

“So do you want to?” Daichi asked again.

“Want to what?”

“Go out on a date. You and me. Officially.”

“Will there be an announcement in the newspaper since its official?”

“Maybe. I’ll have to see how much cash I have on hand.”

“Better have some if you’re going to take me out on a fancy date. I’m no cheap date, I expect to be wined and dined.”

Daichi squeezed his hand, grinning.

“Only the best for you.”

\--

The following morning Koushi borrowed Daichi’s truck to pick up Marissa’s agent from the airport. He’d watched the tiny commuter plane come in but nobody had emerged through the terminal yet. Was it even called a terminal in an airport this small? Koushi had no idea. Honestly he was thinking very little about the airport or the agent whoever he was. Thinking instead about the date he was going to go on tonight, the promise of more kissing. Non-motel time. Just Daichi and him. Warmth surged through his chest at that thought.

Then the door was opening and out came five or six people, one who was better dressed than the others, with wavy chestnut hair, aviator sunglasses on, looking around as the others headed for their cars. His eyes fell on Koushi and Koushi tentatively raised a hand to wave. Suddenly nervous. Meeting new people didn’t usually make him uneasy but this one specific person, here for this one specific reason was enough to override his regular reaction to strangers.

“You must be Koushi,” the man said lowering his glasses to give Koushi an unsettling once over and then eyes to Daichi’s truck, brows narrowing. Koushi felt a burst of irritation at this man, judging Daichi’s truck like some kind of snob. He was already dreading the ride back to the motel.

“And you’re Tooru Oikawa?” Koushi asked, “You know, just to confirm identities.” The corner of Oikawa’s mouth ticked up, but the suspicion didn’t leave his eyes. He thrust the handle of his suitcase into Koushi’s hand.

“That’s me. Real estate agent extraordinaire. You’re taking me to Marissa’s hotel?”

“Uh, motel,” Koushi corrected him lifting up the suitcase to put in the back. It was much heavier than it looked and that caught him off guard. Oikawa hadn’t waited to hear his response getting into the passenger side of the cab. When Koushi opened the driver’s side door it was to find Oikawa rustling through Daichi’s glove box.

“Ah ha!” Oikawa’s mouth was drawn up in a sneer holding out a snapshot of a younger Daichi and another man with dark hair, they were in graduation gowns beaming at the camera. Koushi’s chest pinched. Was that Austin? Why the hell was this man going through the glovebox?

“What…?”

“What’d you do with Daichi? Did you steal this truck?”

“Did I steal this truck?” Koushi felt the slash of anger.

“I saw the California plates, don’t fucking lie to me. This is Daichi,” he said pointing at the photo, “What’d you do with him? Is he dead? Did you kill him?” Tooru had his phone out and Koushi watched stunned as he was dialing 911.

“No, no, no! Daichi’s fine. I’m just borrowing his truck! I didn’t kill anyone!” Koushi protested. “How do you know Daichi?” Oikawa’s finger was hovering over the call button, eyebrows still lowered in suspicion.

“Prove it to me.”

“Uh, uh,” Koushi pulled up facebook on his phone where the picture of him and Daichi was still the top of his timeline. “See? We’re friends. He’s okay. I’ll call him if you want. Don’t call the cops or we’ll never make it to the motel.”

“No way, you’re the dude?” Tooru looked from Koushi’s phone back to him as if they bore no resemblance to each other, “The mystery dude Daichi is dating?”

Heat rushed into Koushi’s face.

“That’s me,” he squeaked suddenly wondering what Daichi had told his friends about him. Was this guy Daichi’s friend? He hadn’t even been able to own to Yui yet that they were a thing. Were they a thing? They hadn’t even been on a date yet. Oikawa was still eying him suspiciously as if even that were not a good enough explanation.

“You said I shouldn’t call the cops or we’ll never make it to the motel? What’s that supposed to mean?” Tooru asked. “That’s the kind of thing a murderer would say.”

Koushi blanched, now was not exactly the time to bring up how he didn’t have a driver’s license. He didn’t even have an expired driver’s license. He was pretty sure the next time the sheriff responded to call involving him he was going to do time in the town’s tiny jail purely out of spite.

“Uh bad blood,” he said instead, “Between me and the department.” Oikawa’s eyes were still narrowed. He closed out the call, and put on his seatbelt, arms crossed. “How do you know Daichi?” Koushi tried again getting the key into the ignition. Oikawa opened the center console to dig through Daichi’s cds.

“He’s got awful taste in music,” he said pulling out what looked like a copy of Pink Floyd’s Dark Side of the Moon. Why had Koushi never thought to look through there? He wanted to laugh because of course Daichi _would_. His heart felt all wobbly. Yesterday had been so tense between them but suddenly all he wanted was to hug the man, squeeze him until he was laughing that he couldn’t breathe.

“That’s nothing bad,” Koushi told him, “I’m pretty sure 1989 by Taylor Swift is in there though.”

“That’s nothing bad?” Oikawa sneered, “Excuse you but Taylor Swift is a true artist.”

Now Koushi laughed, blinker flashing as he pulled onto the highway.

“You’re a friend of Daichi’s then?” Koushi tried one more time.

“He’s my partner’s best friend,” Oikawa finally huffed. “Though, really _I_ should be my partner’s best friend.” Koushi glanced at him out of the corner of his eye, lips pursed in a pout glaring out the window.

“So Daichi isn’t my friend, he’s my _enemy_.”

“I don’t think that’s how it works,” Koushi told him.

“How would you know? Hajime should love me best, not stupid Daichi. The friend of my friend is my enemy.” _Oh, so this is Hajime’s boyfriend._

“It’s the enemy of my enemy is my friend.”

“It works the other way too though,” Oikawa reasoned.

“I’m sure your partner doesn’t love Daichi more than he loves you.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure. The last two months it’s been nothing but _Daichi this_ and _Daichi that_. I was looking forward to coming to the middle of nowhere Kansas just to get away from it. And now you tell me that _he’s_ _here_? Unbelievable.”

“Were you hoping I’d killed him then?” Koushi asked distractedly as he merged onto the interstate. Oikawa frowned.

“I suppose not,” he said with a sigh at last, frowning at the endless barely sprouted fields that filled the landscape. “Where are we going?”

“Colby’s the only place big enough for an airport, the motel’s an hour’s drive.”

Oikawa groaned.

“Of course it is.”

Koushi half expected his nightmare passenger to spend the whole drive talking about himself or bashing Daichi, potentially both, but within twenty minutes he was out cold, head leaning up against the window. When at last the Blue Moon was visible, Koushi regretted that the time to wake Oikawa was near. Daichi hadn’t said anything about the man, though Koushi was well acquainted with (the idea of) Hajime. He wondered what that said about Hajime in real life if he was dating Oikawa.

He put Daichi’s truck back in its spot. No worse for the wear as he had promised.

“Mr. Oikawa,” Koushi killed the engine, and Oikawa snorted in his sleep before grimacing and blinking up blearily at the world. “We’re here.”

“Where’s here?” Oikawa looked around taking in the empty pool, the neon sign and then at last the low slung motel behind it, a disappointing number of cars in the lot, though it was the middle of the day and it was the emptiest time due to the nature of business. Koushi cringed anyway because he knew how it might appear to an outside eye and he hated the idea that anyone would look at his motel and write it off as run down or a lost cause.

“Ready for the tour?”

Oikawa rubbed his eyes and opened the car door.

“Gotta prove to me Daichi is alive first.”

“Okay,” Koushi agreed shutting the door, “I need to give him back his keys anyway.”

He lifted up Oikawa’s overstuffed suitcase again but Oikawa had no intention of dragging it himself already crossing the gravel lot toward the office. Koushi dragged the wheeled suitcase after him bumping along through the gravel. He hoped one of the wheels would snap off, just to spite Oikawa. He pushed his way into the office, looked around in disgust at the mismatched furniture, the shag carpet, the coffee machine. The new configuration of furniture threw Koushi off and mentally he resolved to put everything back to where it belonged the next chance he had. Yui was sitting attentive at the desk smiling cheerfully at Oikawa, and then her eyes flashed with concern when she saw Koushi dragging the suitcase after him.

“Would you like a room?” she asked Oikawa as he approached.

“Obviously. This is a motel isn’t it?” Oikawa asked leaning over the desk to get a look at the computer, the printer tucked under the desk. Yui flushing and giving Koushi a frightened look.

“This is Tooru Oikawa,” Koushi said. He hadn’t told anyone beyond Daichi that Marissa was planning to sell, honestly he wasn’t sure he was allowed to. “He’s Marissa’s agent,” he said nonspecifically. Understanding settled in Yui’s eyes. Of course, Marissa had an _agent._ Whatever the fuck that meant.

“Mr. Oikawa, how many nights will you be here?”

“For the duration,” Oikawa said, striding away from the desk to peer down the hall, he looked back to Koushi.

“What’s back here?”

“Kitchenette, bathroom, Marissa’s office, supply closet,” Koushi listed them off, thinking Oikawa might deem them unworthy of interest but he strode down the hall and Koushi unlocked each for him to inspect with the exception of the bathroom which was already unlocked. Oikawa hummed sizing up each in turn. Yui was leaning out of her chair watching them, eyes bugged out. When they came back to the desk and Oikawa pushed by her to get a better look at the supplies, and the space, she grabbed Koushi by the collar and dragged him close.

“What the hell is going on?” she whispered.

“Miss Whoever you are,” Oikawa cut in, “Mrs. Cabelle is going to put the motel up for sale, I’m here to sell it.”

Yui’s mouth flew open, looking to Koushi in disbelief.

“Is that true?” she asked him as Tooru rolled his eyes.

“It’s true.”

“Since- Since when? How long have you known?” Yui still had a hold of Koushi’s sweatshirt. “Am I going to lose my job?”

“Marissa wasn’t sure about any of us,” Koushi told her, the words coming out much calmer and measured than the way that he felt. “It’d depend on who buys it.”

“Holy fuck and when were you going to tell me?” Yui demanded giving him a shake, Koushi grabbing her shoulders to try and stop her.

“I-I just found out yesterday,” this came out a croak and Yui let go of him.

“There’s a decent chance you’ll all stay on, if you get bought out by a bigger chain,” said Oikawa sidling back by, running his fingers over the room keys on their hooks with a frown. “It’s likely they’ll do a lot of updating though…” he trailed off with the implication that perhaps they would not care for the updates, that perhaps the updates would be to get rid of them. Koushi shuddered.

“Alright enough chat, give me a room key,” Oikawa said tapping an impatient finger on the desk, “Ideally the best room.” Yui looked to Koushi and he considered for a second.

“Is the alpine ski lodge still taken?”

The key was gone off the hook.

“They’re booked one more night,” Yui said tapping on the computer.

“How about…” Koushi thought about what he knew so far about Oikawa, tall, irritating, condescending, California. What would be the best room for him? “You’re from California. Do you surf?” he asked Oikawa who frowned at him like he’d smelled something bad. Condescending for sure.

“Do you think all Californians surf? Does Daichi surf?”

“Daichi does surf,” Koushi told him frowning right back. Oikawa’s face twisted and then he laughed, the displeased look falling off.

“You’re right that was a stupid question. I’m scared of sharks, what does that have to do with anything?”

“A man with sense,” Koushi muttered.

“Island Getaway?” asked Yui.

“That’s the one,” Koushi agreed.

“What are you two talking nonsense about?” Oikawa asked. Yui handed him the key with a fake smile.

“Enjoy your stay, Mr. Oikawa.”

Oikawa spun the key on his finger, giving the whole office one more sneer of distaste before they were back outside. Koushi led the way, taking a sick satisfaction in dragging Oikawa’s heavy suitcase up the stairs, banging on each step. Oikawa, to Koushi’s irritation, wasn’t paying attention to that, he was eying the color of the exterior, the condition of the gutters, peering at the roof with an expert eye.

“This place is in pretty good shape, considering,” he finally said. They were at the door and he stuck in the key to unlock it. When he opened the door he sucked in a breath. In Koushi’s opinion of the several beachy vibe rooms, Island Getaway was the most tasteful and the most relaxing. The frothy ocean blue bedspread, the wicker chairs, the lamps looked like old fashioned lanterns, the big painting on the wall like you were looking out a window at the ocean sparkling under a crystal clear sky. Oikawa had frozen in the doorway and after a moment Koushi prodded him in the shoulder. Oikawa turned around to look at him with glassy eyes.

“What’s the meaning of this?” he asked.

“What do you mean?”

“What the fuck is this room doing here? Is this a joke?”

“No? Do you not like it? Surf’s Up is a little more whimsical if you don’t like it, this one is more like a romantic honeymoon.”

“Surf’s Up? Do all your rooms have names? Do they all have themes?” Oikawa looked vexed, he walked into the room and touched the bedspread reverently, it was fluffy like a buoyant ocean wave and then Oikawa, as Koushi did every time he found himself in this room, flopped down into it face first.

“Bullshit,” he wailed. Koushi pushed his suitcase up against the wall.

“It’s great isn’t it?” he asked. Oikawa turned his head away from the bedspread to glare at him, eyes glittering with emotion.

“What the fuck.”

“Do you want to see another room? Daichi’s in Grandma’s House.”

“Grandma’s House?” Oikawa pushed himself up and Koushi led him out. They crossed around to the backside of the building, past vending and the ice machine, but Oikawa wasn’t looking at any of it now, brow furrowed. They reached the door and Koushi knocked. There was the muffled sound of a voice beyond the door and Daichi opened up.

“You asshole,” Oikawa growled before Daichi’s eyes had even pulled off of Koushi’s face. Oikawa pushed by Koushi to throw his arms around Daichi. _This is how he treats his enemies?_ Oikawa pulled Daichi in tighter, Daichi’s face pressed to his shoulder. Koushi felt the wave of jealousy crash through him, the easy intimacy. Finally Oikawa pushed Daichi back frowning down at him. Daichi was giving him a disbelieving grin.

“Tooru? How? Is- Is Hajime here too?”

“Rude, that you immediately ask for Hajime. I thought we had something special, Dai,” said Oikawa pinching his cheek. Daichi swatted him off with a crooked grin.

“What are you doing here?”

“Selling this motel. What are you doing here? Hajime didn’t say you were living out of a motel.”

“I didn’t tell him,” Daichi admitted glancing to Koushi. “You’re the one selling the motel?”

“That’s right, first order of business is to evict you,” said Oikawa with a sweet smile. “Suga-chan here says you’re not paying your fair share and hogging this room. Let me in. I need to examine it for tax purposes,” he said pushing Daichi out of the way to enter. A smile brightening his face at the décor. The painting of dogs playing poker on the walls, the retro looking television.

“Just like my grandma’s,” he said, “Is the soap in the shower Irish Spring?” He stuck his head into the bathroom.

“Is he really selling this place?” Daichi asked. Koushi nodded.

“Is he really dating Hajime?”

Daichi gave him a smile.

“They’ve been friends since they were kids. Tooru gets on Hajime’s nerves and Hajime keeps Tooru in line, they balance out. I know he seems like a lot at first. He’s an acquired taste.”

“Gay!” called Tooru from the bathroom.

“He told me you’re Hajime’s best friend and he resents that,” Koushi whispered.

Daichi snorted at that.

“There’s no way Marissa came up with this all herself,” Oikawa announced at last returning to where they were. “Suga-chan, explain.”

“It was all him. The rooms were all Koushi,” Daichi said before Koushi could demure.

“Once again, bullshit. Suga, explain.”

“I thought it’d be fun if each room was its own destination, so instead of a night on your way to somewhere, the somewhere was already here,” Koushi said.

“You’re the manager, right? So what’s not working here? Why does she want to sell it? She says it doesn’t sell enough rooms a night and it’s too much trouble to maintain, but what’s your insight?”

For the first time since Marissa had called him that night in Daichi’s truck, catching him off guard, Koushi felt in control of his life again.

“We need more of a presence,” he said, “A better website. We need to fix the ice machine. We need to fill the pool. It’s about optics. You see an empty pool and you think this place is going out of business.”

Oikawa had whipped a notepad from his back pocket jotting that down.

“Can you give me the financials? How much do you take in during the year? When’s the slow season? What are your costs?” They sat down on the patchwork quilt and Koushi gave Oikawa the information. Instead of feeling like he was divulging state secrets he felt like Oikawa was the key to things getting better. That there was an answer to this problem somewhere, he just had to keep looking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time: date night :)


	8. Make it Work

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “So what’re we going to do?” Koushi asking following Daichi down the steps. “And if you say cow tipping, we’re going to break up.”  
> “Shit, well, it was nice while it lasted,” Daichi said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just realized this is a kinda short chapter. Also I'm sorry and I'll post the next one tomorrow

“Are you ready?” Daichi was at the door, looking vaguely less casual than usual, dark jeans, striped t-shirt hanging on his broad shoulders in a way that made Koushi’s stomach flutter.

“Officially,” he said stepping out into the evening air and locking his door behind him. “How’d you get rid of Oikawa?”

“He’s on a video chat with Hajime.”

“That was easy.”

“He’s not so bad, I promise,” Daichi said.

“I don’t know, he spent all afternoon telling me what a great real estate agent he was. How he’s not only smart but _talented_.”

Daichi was laughing, Koushi’s insides warm with the sound.

“So what’re we going to do?” Koushi asking following Daichi down the steps. “And if you say cow tipping, we’re going to break up.”

“Shit, well, it was nice while it lasted,” Daichi said. Koushi laughing.

“For real? Cow tipping is an urban myth, Daichi.”

“I’m just a poor city boy, give me a break, Koushi.”

“Yeah right. Completely innocent, naïve Daichi.” Koushi hummed looking at Daichi before his eyes brightened. “That gives me an idea, much better than cow tipping. Let’s go frogging,” Koushi turning around at the bottom of the steps to run back up to his room, returning in a minute with a set of flashlights.

“Frogging?” Daichi asked hesitantly when they were in the truck, Koushi had insisted he drive, taking them out into the country to look for the ideal location. The amount of rain they’d had the last couple of weeks had left most of the ditches with standing water. The night warm. Even after Koushi had parked the truck, they walked a ways before Daichi could hear them, the chorus of frogs in the darkness. Flipping on his flashlight he shone the light out across the ditch.

“You’re looking for their eyes,” Koushi explained, he’d left his shoes in the truck, creeping barefoot through the tall grass, Daichi behind him, trying to get his flashlight on.

“And then what?” Daichi whispered. Koushi held out a hand to stop him peering through the long grass.

“Then you grab the sucker.”

He continued moving then, Daichi getting his flashlight on, their beams crossing the ditch, the frogs louder.

“And then what? Do you eat them?”

Koushi covered a laugh with his hand.

“I mean you probably could,” he said, then he stopped again squinting into the dark. “Do you see it?” he asked. Daichi squinted along the path of the beam, not sure that he did, then he saw the glinting eyeballs. The chorus of the frogs nearby had come to a halt but all down the ditch they continued. Koushi handed him his flashlight.

“I’ll show you how it’s done.”

Daichi watched Koushi stalk on ahead to get into position, creeping along up behind the frog and at the last moment with lightning sharp reflexes reaching out to grab it. The frog leapt into the air right out of Koushi’s grasp. Koushi slipping a little in the mud and trying to regain his balance.

“Shit,” he hissed, staggering back toward Daichi.

“Sure showed me,” Daichi elbowed him.

“Shut up,” Koushi laughed, “We’ll get one. I used to be a frogging champ back in high school.”

“What does that even mean?”

“Sorry, I didn’t get medals for all my accomplishments like you,” Koushi said.

“It was one medal, when I was like twelve. Are there frogging competitions?”

“There’s another one.” This one leapt into the water before Koushi had the chance to reach for it. “It was more of a club.”

“A frog club? Were you the president?”

“I should’ve been. I was the vice president.”

“So what about that makes you a champ?”

“You know what, instead of talking shit why don’t you do something to impress me, Sawamura? You catch one. Over there, see it?” Koushi snatched the flashlight from Daichi, pointing the frog out. The chorus had quieted. Daichi fumbled through the grass, crouching, but before he could reach for it, the frog did one little hop. But not into the water. Still within reach.

“Get ‘em, Daichi,” Koushi called encouragingly behind him.

Daichi lunged at the frog, feet slipping out from beneath him, taking a knee, Koushi cackling, reaching to help pull him back to his feet, the frog unmoving. Daichi waved him off, trying to snatch the frog. He got hands on it but it squelched right out, like a slippery bar of soap, through the air and into the water. Koushi still laughing, reaching to help Daichi back up. Daichi wiped his slimy hands on Koushi’s shirt.

“Daichi!”

Daichi was snickering now letting Koushi grab his hands. Koushi hauled him up.

“You bastard,” Koushi said.

“Alright vice, you had your laugh now catch one.” Daichi pointed one out, a little down the slope into the ditch, jabbing Koushi in the shoulder.

Koushi carefully stepped toward it through the mud and then in one smooth move reached out and snatched the frog from the ground with a smothered whoop. The motion set him slipping in the mud, tilting precariously at the edge of the ditch. Daichi fumbled forward, reaching out to catch him, just as the frog wrested loose, launching through the air directly into Daichi’s face. With a shout, still reaching for Koushi, Daichi only managed to push him off balance. Koushi fell backwards with a splash into the water. He surfaced sputtering, laughing, wiping the water out of his eyes. Daichi had dropped the flash light picking it up now to shine down at Koushi, long reeds stuck to his hair as he waded toward the edge.

“Thanks a lot, Daichi,” he jeered. Daichi edged carefully down the bank to offer him a hand out, Koushi’s wet hand seized his and dragged him into the water.

“What the hell?”

Koushi was laughing, Daichi shoving him.

“Now we’re even.”

“I didn’t push you in.”

“You did too.”

“The frog hit my face.”

Koushi was laughing again, doubled over.

“You should’ve seen your expression,” he wheezed. Daichi shoved him back into the water, Koushi continuing to giggle.

Muddy and soaked they emerged soggy from the ditch, Daichi pulled off his shoes to dump out the water.

“Suppose dinner is off then,” he said at last.

“What? Why?” Koushi complained he’d dragged off his shirt trying to wring it out. “Are you breaking up with me already?”

“You smell like a swamp.”

“ _You_ smell like a swamp,” Koushi chirped back, and Daichi fixed a glare on him. Koushi broke into a smile. “Come on, we can get take out and go back to the motel if you don’t want to be smelled.”

“We are not getting into my truck like this.”

“So we’re just going to walk back then? Come on, city boy, what’s a little mud?”

“You didn’t even catch a frog.”

“I did catch a frog, it was right there in my hands,” Koushi mimed the frog and its struggle before flying directly into Daichi’s face and then dissolved into laughter again. Daichi smiled helplessly at him, his joy contagious.

In the end Daichi located a towel in his collection of odds and ends and they took turns trying to dry off as best they could before at last clambering into the truck, Daichi’s shoes squelching, Koushi still barefoot.

“We’ve got to order to go, obviously,” Koushi said, leaning up against the dessert case. Hitoka looking with big eyes between Daichi and Koushi. They shouldn’t have been allowed in here, Daichi thought, water still squishing out of his shoes, Koushi was barefoot. Both muddy and wet. Koushi had no shame about it, still wiping water from his eyes with his bare wrists, in the warm light of the diner he could see long blades of grass still tangled in Koushi’s hair.

“Koushi, you’re dripping,” Daichi reached to pull him off the case, but he’d already left a wet, slightly muddy imprint.

“What happened to you two?” Hitoka asked.

“Nothing important,” Koushi said with a suppressed smile, handing a menu over to Daichi.

“If you say so, Koushi,” Hitoka said nervously gripping her notepad. “What would you like to order?”

Koushi didn’t need to look at the menu to know what he wanted, Daichi considered his options, thinking of the last time he’d been here with Yui. Finally handing his menu over once he’d decided.

“You want pie too?” Koushi asked, he’d leaned back against the case, peering down at their options, with one hand pushing his still dripping hair out of his face. Hitoka was going to have to mop the floor when they left.

“Sure, what kind do you like?”

“You get the one you want, Daichi,” Koushi told him nudging him with his elbow.

“But I got you wet.”

“So what, I got you wet too? Pick a pie.”

“Apple,” Daichi said without further hesitation, Koushi grinning. “Two slices of apple pie, Hitoka.”

Daichi had intended they take their meal back to the motel to eat since eating in the diner wasn’t an option, but then Koushi was directing him off the road to a dark spot.

“Let’s eat here,” Koushi said opening the door and grabbing the bag of take out, Daichi climbing out to join him. Koushi pulled down the tailgate and climbed into the back of the pickup.

“It’s kinda dark, don’t you think,” Daichi said clambering up into the back beside him.

“What are the chances you’ve got a candle in with all your stuff?” Koushi asked tapping on the back window of the cab.

“That’s a good idea, I think there might be one.”

“Scented?” Koushi asked as Daichi climbed back out. Daichi laughed at him, digging through the backseat mess for a couple of minutes. Tossing a sweatshirt at Koushi and then returning with a jar candle.

“What’s it smell like?” Koushi asked, whipping out a lighter before Daichi could answer, sparking a flame against the wick.

“Warm sugar, it smells like cookies. Mom gave it to me,” Daichi said sitting down. Koushi had pulled on the hoodie, sleeves hanging long over his knuckles, hair starting to dry wild. There was a wind blowing, Daichi scooting a little closer to Koushi, knees touching.

“This is the mom with the church friends?”

“My only mother,” Daichi agreed opening his container of food, groaning at how good it smelled. Koushi leaned into his shoulder snatching a french fry out of the Styrofoam box.

“Have you ever considered telling her that the things she says hurt you” Koushi said the words carefully. Daichi scoffed. “C’mon would it be so bad?” Koushi pulled out his sandwich, eying Daichi.

“It would be so bad,” Daichi agreed, “She’s my mom. I can’t just tell her that.” He took a bite of his hamburger. Koushi elbowed him.

“I’m sure you could. You’re a big strong man.” Daichi snorted. Koushi was gazing at him seriously though. “Just a thought,” he said.

“Noted. If I ever want to break her heart, I’ve got a surefire way to do it,” he said. Koushi looking at him.

“Moms don’t always get it right, Daichi. She probably doesn’t realize she’s doing it, maybe she doesn’t think it bothers you. My mom could be all over the place. She wasn’t ever trying to hurt me though.”

“She must’ve been a good mom,” Daichi said, Koushi’s brows furrowed.

“She did the best she could. Me and Kenji were a handful.”

“I take it back, she must’ve been a saint to put up with you two.”

“Right?” Koushi laughed, “We could drive her up the wall. We got into so much trouble.” Koushi was smiling, launching into a story about his mom. Koushi, who had spent so long not talking about her. Daichi marveled at the light spilling out of him, eyes bright in the flickering candlelight. Overhead the stars shone bright, the distant sounds of frogs singing in the ditches.

“Can I read your story?” Koushi had hauled the quilt off the bed to wrap around his shoulders after he’d emerged from Daichi’s shower, hair still wet. He had shed his clothes on arrival in a muddy mess on the bathroom floor, but even now he was still shivering a little. Daichi tossed a towel at him that he ducked to avoid.

“No, it’s not done yet.”

“So what? You owe me. Hand it over. I want to be entertained.”

“I thought I’d already entertained you,” Daichi smiled over at Koushi who was still grinning at him. “Took you for a nice swim, a candle lit dinner…” Koushi giggled.

“True, but I need some clown drama.”

“Koushi, I have to tell you something,” Daichi started in a serious tone, before he’d even considered the implications. Koushi’s face sobered.

“What?”

“I never wrote the clown story.”

“What?” Koushi sounded genuinely betrayed now. “Why not? What have you been writing this whole time then? Have you even been writing at all?” he hiked the blanket up further to his ears, so only his eyes and the top of his head were poking out, Daichi trying and failing not to imagine his bare legs, pale flushed chest, the scattering of moles like constellations, wearing a pair of Daichi’s boxers loose on his hips.

“I was writing. Something else though.”

“What? Give me the summary. Tell me how it could be better than the clowns,” Koushi complained.

“About a motel by the sea.”

“Wow, real original, Daichi,” Koushi laughed.

“Shut up, do you want to read it or not?”

“For real? You’d let me read it?”

“Only if you do it while I’m in the shower,” Daichi said reaching for his laptop.

“No, I want to read it out loud to you,” Koushi said with a grin. Daichi’s face felt hot, imagining the pure humiliation of that. He pulled up the file, swallowing for a moment second guessing himself before passing it over to Koushi. Koushi sat it down on the bed, bent over, hands propping up his chin. “Coward,” Koushi called after him as Daichi locked himself in the bathroom to scrub all the mud off of his skin.

“Bastard,” Koushi accused him when Daichi emerged later clean and dry, the laptop was closed, and he was still wrapped up in the quilt. “How does it end? Do they get together? I mean obviously they get together. They get together right? Does Theo get out of the motel? Am I Theo?”

“You are not Theo,” Daichi said sitting on the edge of the bed.

“No, I definitely am, I’m not an idiot Daichi. Just tell me how it ends.”

“I don’t know how it ends. That’s as far as I got. I told you, I’m not done.”

“Give me a hint.”

“Tell me how you think it should end,” Daichi said rolling his eyes. Koushi’s eyes lit up.

“Come here and I’ll tell you,” Koushi opened the quilt, Daichi settling in between Koushi’s knees, Koushi wrapping the blanket around his shoulders, kissing him. Slowly pulling Daichi down on top of him, hands cold against his back. Koushi leaned close to kiss his neck right below his ear. “Kiss me.”

Daichi snorted.

“That’s not an ending.”

“No,” Koushi agreed, “It’s a place to start.” Koushi shifting to meet his lips, cold hands slipping around the back of his neck.

“You’re still cold,” Daichi murmured.

“Should’ve thought of that before you pushed me into the water,” Koushi said.

“I didn’t push you in. At least not on purpose,” Daichi grumbled while Koushi snickered. “Are you going to hold that against me forever?”

“Maybe,” Koushi laughed.

“So it was a bad first date?”

“No, it was perfect,” Koushi said, fingers running along Daichi’s back, Daichi shivered.

“Quit that.”

“Are you ticklish?”

“I’ll warm you up,” Daichi said pressing closer until they were skin to skin, kissing the edge of Koushi’s jaw. Koushi laughing softly, cold fingers skimming over Daichi’s ribs, Daichi hummed low, lips to Koushi’s throat, Koushi’s hands stilling, gripping his shoulders, with a soft sound.

\--

“Koushi? Earth to Koushi?”

Yui was giving him a weird look he realized as he came back to his body, sitting on the couch in the office, coffee mug between his hands. Could she really blame him for being happy? Even if it was in discord with the current state of motel affairs.

“What is with you this morning? Where is grumpy, wish-I-was-still-asleep Koushi?” she continued to pester him. “That stupid dreamy look on your face…” she trailed off, eyes brightening. “Sawamura,” she said as explanation with a wicked grin. Koushi blinked and took a drink of his coffee, narrowing his brow in what he hoped was a look that conveyed she was off mark and stupid for saying so.

“No,” he said but it didn’t sound convincing, even to him.

“Don’t you break his heart,” Yui threatened him, “I like having him around.”

“That’s so nice of you to say about little old me,” Oikawa appeared, sticking his head out of the office, too buoyant for Koushi’s taste. “Say Suga-chan, what’s Daichi like in bed?”

Yui choked and Koushi spat out his mouthful of coffee, leaping to his feet at the mess he’d made. Oikawa cackling in delight.

“Where’s Daichi at anyways, Suga?”

“Hell if I know,” Koushi answered disgruntled for real now, walking to the bathroom to grab paper towels trying to mop the coffee off of his pants.

“Guilty if I ever saw it,” Oikawa said in a loud whisper to Yui, Koushi’s face heating up.

“Oikawa, anyone ever told you you’re a real…” Koushi stopped, the bells on the front door jingling and in walked a tall dark haired man in a suit, hair disheveled like he slept with two pillows pressed to either side of his head, casting a cool look across the room: Koushi dabbing paper towels at his crotch, Yui with both hands over her mouth to contain her laugh, tears in her eyes, and Oikawa standing smack dab in the middle of the room, hands on his hips still cackling. Oikawa turned to the person at the door.

“You must be Mr. Kuroo,” he said without hesitation, meeting the man half way, reaching out for a handshake.

“You must be Mr. Oikawa,” Mr. Kuroo answered in a drawl, smiling back with equal wickedness, dark energy spilling out from the two of them.

“Let me show you around,” Oikawa said with a smile undercut with menace, which Kuroo returned with full force.

“Certainly, lead on.”

They left through the door, Yui turning to Koushi with wide eyes.

“Who was that?”

“Must be one of the people trying to buy,” Koushi said with a grimace. _Our potential new boss_. Would he be better or worse than Marissa? Koushi shuddered at that thought.

“I hope not,” Yui answered. “There’s got to be somebody better.”

“He’s probably with a chain, even if he buys it there’s no guarantee he’d be here for day to day stuff.”

Yui hissed out a breath.

“Koushi, I don’t want someone else to buy the motel. Marissa’s bad but at least she’s just Marissa. Isn’t there something you can do? Something _we_ can do?”

Koushi swallowed thinking about what Daichi had said about buying the motel. He couldn’t quite imagine it. He’d never pictured himself here forever. He thought of the clerk in Daichi’s story, the one with potential he wasn’t living up to, something creaking inside of him at that. Sure, it wasn’t him. At least according to Daichi. But he knew what that felt like. He wanted to be somebody the main character could look to, a pillar of strength. He wanted to be the main character, the one who could choose his own fate.

“Maybe,” he finally decided out loud. “Could you cover the end of my shift today? Like the last hour?”

“I suppose,” Yui said standing up, “Why?”

“I need to go to the bank.”

Kuroo and Oikawa had locked themselves in the office for negotiations, Koushi’s knee bouncing as he sat at the desk and waited for it to be five. He’d made an appointment, Yui had said she’d come back. Daichi appeared with lunch after a bit.

“Is Tooru here?” he asked. Koushi rolling his eyes.

“Why would you care about Oikawa, when I’m here?”

“Don’t want him to see this,” Daichi said low gesturing to the take out bag at his side, looking around. “He’s a food hog. I’ve only got enough for us.”

“Us,” Koushi leaned forward on the desk with a smile. Daichi beamed back at him.

“Us,” he agreed. “Let’s eat outside, the sun’s out, you can leave the desk for a bit.”

“I suppose,” Koushi agreed getting to his feet. The door to the office opened, voices spilling out into the lobby, Daichi hiding the bag behind his back. Kuroo exited first, eyes sweeping past Koushi who he’d already been introduced to and landing on Daichi, lips twisting up in a smile. Koushi bristling a little.

“You work here also?”

“That’s my friend, Daichi Sawamura. He’s a guest,” Oikawa offered.

“Oh, a guest,” Kuroo smiled brighter. “How are you enjoying your stay, Mr. Sawamura?”

“This is the best motel,” Daichi told him guileless as always. Koushi wondered if he couldn’t feel this guy’s bad energy or if he was just immune to it.

“Is Koushi taking care of you alright?” Kuroo asked. Daichi reddened and Oikawa laughed.

“Ah, Kuroo you crack me up,” he laughed clapping the taller man on the back, Kuroo smiled wider.

“If you need anything Mr. Sawamura, just let me know,” Kuroo leered continuing toward the door with a jaunty wave. Daichi still flushed, Koushi growling under his breath.

“You can’t sell to him,” Koushi said as soon as the door had shut behind him, whipping a glare to Oikawa who shrugged.

“If the money is right I can sell to anyone, Suga-chan. Besides, its Marissa’s call not mine anyway.”

“But that guy…”

“He seemed alright to me,” Daichi put in. Oikawa snorted.

“He was flirting with you,” Koushi hissed.

“No, he wasn’t,” Daichi argued back.

“Now, now, lovers don’t quarrel,” Oikawa chided them.

“He’s part of some big chain though, isn’t he?” Koushi asked, “Add another motel to his roster of anonymous lookalikes.” Something shifted in Oikawa’s face before he could cover it, a confirmation that ran Koushi’s blood colder.

“He is with a chain. They’ve got a good reputation, clean, affordable.”

“Anonymous.”

“You’re anonymous as it is,” Oikawa said with an irritating shrug, “Middle of nowhere Kansas. No one knows about the Blue Moon either way, what difference does it make to you?”

“Daichi, can I punch him?”

“What’re you asking me for? I’m not going to stop you.”

“Dai-chan, what’d I ever do to you?”

\--

Koushi put on his only suit, a little too short in the arms and legs, he’d last worn it when he was nineteen and it no longer fit quite right. He was firmly not thinking about the last time he’d put it on. He discarded the jacket in favor of a dress shirt and tie looking at himself in the mirror he felt like a circus animal in costume and not like himself at all.

“This looks bad.”

“No, you look great.”

“These pants are too short,” Koushi complained and Daichi didn’t argue with him, giving him a lopsided smile. “Do I look like a responsible businessman?”

“Upstart entrepreneur,” Daichi said. Koushi hummed turning back to the mirror. Maybe that wasn’t so bad.

“Scrappy underdog?” he suggested and Daichi laughed. Koushi turned a serious look to him. “Do you think I have a shot?”

“Yeah, I do. This is what you want?”

Koushi didn’t answer that, turning back to the mirror to try to knot his tie.

“Can you help me?”

Daichi stood up to help him, with steady hands tying the knot, adjusting the length. He was so close and Koushi’s brain had started up the highlight reel from last night, the feeling of Daichi’s breath against his stomach. Daichi met his eyes, half a smile on his lips, settling his hands on Koushi’s shoulders.

“You’ll do fine.”

“Give me some good luck.”

“You want to go to the wooden nickel on the way to the bank?”

“No, kiss me,” Koushi said smiling.

“For good luck,” Daichi agreed, kissing him, smoothing a hand through his hair. “And for no other reason.”

“Right, exactly,” Koushi laughed drawing back. Daichi pressed his keys into his hand as they exited, Koushi closing the door behind him.

“Good luck!” Daichi called after him as he made for the truck alone.

\---

_His father had left after Kenji had been born, Koushi too young to remember him, he knew him only as the stranger in pictures of his first years, a man with dark hair, a winning smile, his mother beside him radiant. His father was nothing in comparison to her. They’d only stayed in Denver another three years after that, until Kenji was walking and then they’d loaded up a U-Haul truck and his mother had driven them to Kansas._

_How she’d picked the town Koushi had never been sure. His grandmother, while she was still alive, had lived in Colby, which he supposed was a suitable distance away, to keep Grandma Sugawara from meddling, because she was definitely a meddler. One of his first memories was of that trip from Denver to Kansas, how they’d pulled onto an off ramp and Kenji had thrown up, motion sick on the shoulder of the road. His mom crouched beside him in the weeds, in her jeans and big carhartt jacket, rubbing his back, Koushi leaning out the window afraid being left alone in the truck. Afraid it would roll away back into traffic and there was nothing he could do to stop it. Snowflakes biting at his cheeks and cold ears._

_Koushi made it his business to consider his father’s existence as infrequently as humanly possible, which wasn’t difficult with scant evidence of his presence outside of photographs. When he was younger however he’d always had a million questions which he knew he was not to pester his mother with. Sometimes he would blurt them out anyway, his mother flinching at the request, maybe ruffling his hair or lifting him up when he was still small enough for her to do so._

_“Baby, don’t worry about it,” she would tell him in answer to almost all of his questions. Sometimes he couldn’t help but want more than that. Children are never satisfied with non-answers, Koushi least of all._

_She hadn’t told him until he was probably fourteen or fifteen that they’d never been married, that his father left without warning. Had packed his belongings in the middle of the night and left before first light, no forwarding address, no explanation. At fifteen Koushi had only an inkling of how that had tortured his mother then. How it had continued to torture her after. He’d never asked another question about the man again._

\--

When Koushi left the bank and got back into Daichi’s truck, he shut off the radio, hands gripping the steering wheel and trying to steel himself. He’d been scared they’d say yes but more scared they’d say no. The drive back to the motel, his mind kept looping back around. _What now?_ He’d known on some level that it was a long shot, there were a lot of things not in his favor. Against his better judgment he’d started to hope and look where that had gotten him.

Koushi went right to Daichi’s room after he’d parked the truck, his legs heavy as he climbed the steps. He knocked and didn’t get an answer, trying the knob. The door was unlocked.

Daichi had his backpack on, jaw tight.

“They turned me down for a loan,” Koushi said, the instant before the words left his mouth feeling that there was something very wrong, wrong with the look on Daichi’s face, the hunch of his shoulders, knuckles white around the room key he was clutching.

“Koushi,” his voice cracked.

“Daichi?”

“Koushi, I need to leave. I have to go home.”

Everything came to a crashing halt, plans, things he’d assumed, Koushi almost couldn’t get in his next breath. The look on Daichi’s face said he was in some sort of inexplicable pain.

“Why?” was all Koushi could force out. Daichi swallowed hard and offered Koushi his room key, holding out his other hand for the car keys. Koushi handed him his keys but refused to take the room key. He shook his head. “Why Daichi?” Daichi’s eyes fell from his face.

“Takashi. I-I got a phone call. There…he’s...” Daichi’s voice was shaking, Koushi felt the pit of his stomach drop out, “A car accident. He hasn’t woke up.”

“Fuck,” Koushi reached out for Daichi, Daichi thrusting the key at him again.

“I have to leave.”

“You’re going to drive? The sun’s already going down.”

“I can’t stay here, don’t…” Koushi reached again to put his hands on Daichi’s biceps and pull him in. “Don’t ask me to, Koushi,” he took a step back.

“I won’t. I get it. It’s just a long way to drive all on your own. At night.”

“Take it,” Daichi said offering him the key again, face tight, eyes watery. Koushi wanted to ask if he was coming back. But he knew that was a selfish question to ask, and not something Daichi was even thinking about right now. If their positions were reversed... A lump rose in Koushi’s throat at the idea of Kenji being hurt half way across the country. He accepted the key and Daichi made his way out the door, hurrying down the steps to where his pickup sat. Daichi tossed in his backpack, but didn’t climb in, Koushi trailing along behind him, racking his head for words. What did he even say? What could he say? All he could think was that if Daichi left, he wouldn’t be coming back. He’d get back to California and wonder why he’d ever left in the first place.

“Drive safe okay?” was all he could work out of his mouth, “Call me if you get sleepy, I’ll keep you awake.” Daichi turned, lips pressed tight, swiping away a tear from his eye.

“Koushi, don’t wait for me.”

Koushi’s chest hurt.

“What do you mean?”

“Being so far apart. I don’t know when…” Daichi choked on it, sucking in a breath and his voice leveling out. “I don’t know when I’ll be back, _if_ I’ll be back. I don’t want… Don’t wait for me, okay? You buy the motel, find someone who makes you happy.”

“Daichi…”

“Someone who makes you really fucking happy, alright?” Daichi swallowed hard. “Promise me.”

“You’re not dying. Don’t say stuff like that.”

“We can’t be together. Not like this. I don’t want you to feel trapped with me.”

“Trapped? What the fuck are you talking about?”

“Like you have to be faithful to someone who isn’t here,” Daichi’s brows furrowed. _Oh_. Koushi’s heart cracked a little more. “I’ve got to go, Koushi,” Daichi said lurching toward the driver’s seat. _Oh._ Tears had risen in Koushi’s eyes. _He’s breaking up with me._

“Daichi…”

But Daichi had pulled his door shut and started the engine. Koushi throwing himself forward to slap a hand against the driver’s window, knocking until Daichi rolled it down.

“Call me,” Koushi rasped out, “If you get tired. Don’t keep driving if you’re falling asleep. Daichi, please,” his chest hurt. The street lights were already coming on. It was fifteen hours to Los Angeles. “Promise me.”

Daichi swallowed and nodded. He wouldn’t call. Koushi could already see it in his eyes, taking a step back.

\--

_His mother had fallen asleep._

_The drive from her job at the hospital to their house wasn’t a long drive. It was just long enough. Koushi had been woken in the middle of the night in his dorm room at school in Kansas City to an unfamiliar number calling, he hadn’t even checked the caller ID when he answered. The familiar voice of Mrs. Benjamin who lived next door. She’d given Kenji and him popsicles in the summertime when they’d been kids, running through the sprinklers in her big back yard. She always cut her extra sunflowers to give to Koushi’s mom. They’d sit in a huge vase on their kitchen table. His mother wouldn’t be able to stop smiling at them._

_“Aren’t they pretty, baby?”_

_Hit a tree. Koushi remembered thinking that wasn’t a big deal. What was a tree compared to a car._

_“Kenji needs you,” Mrs. Benjamin said. Kenji didn’t need anyone._

_“What for?” he’d asked in a half awake voice. His roommate rolling over in bed, a spike of dread beginning in his stomach._

_“Koushi, honey…”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time: .......


	9. Brothers Part Two

Koushi watched Daichi drive off into the night, sick to his stomach. Sure, even as his taillights disappeared, that he’d made some sort of colossal mistake. Worried for Takashi and Daichi and then wondering why the hell he hadn’t volunteered to go with him. He could keep Daichi awake if he was there in the car with him. It’s not like-

He fumbled with his phone dialing Daichi’s number, listening to it ring and ring and ring eventually flipping over to voice mail. Listening to the dead serious tone of Daichi’s voice saying he couldn’t come to the phone right now, would you please leave a message and he would return your call.

“Fuck,” Koushi redialed and listened again to it ring.

Yui wasn’t even in the office, tears springing up in his eyes as he took the steps two at a time to his room, digging out his backpack, shoving in a couple of changes of clothes, underwear, socks. His head was spinning. And then he saw them sitting on his kitchen table, the four familiar gnomes he’d last seen in pieces in Daichi’s room. Daichi had stuck them back together. Imperfect and missing chips, they grinned up at him through the gloom, backpack slipping from Koushi’s hands. Clenching his teeth as the gnomes grew blurry in his vision.

“That son of a bitch.”

_If Daichi had wanted me to go with him, he would’ve asked…_

“Fuck.” He sat down on the edge of his bed and cried.

Daichi’s stomach was churning. That alone kept him awake for the first long stretch of hours, until his adrenaline started to fade and he could feel his eyelids getting heavy. He considered calling Koushi, thinking again of the pained looked in his hazel eyes when he’d begged him to promise to call. That only made Daichi feel worse. On top of it all, he’d hurt Koushi.

“Fuck,” he whispered to himself, his whole body felt heavy. He hadn’t passed any traffic going either direction for a long time, the highway seemed to stretch on forever into the dark, he didn’t know if he was in Colorado or if he’d passed into Utah. All of it began to run together after a while. Finally he pulled off the road at a turnout and killed the engine, meaning only to rest his eyes for a bit. He woke much later, as dawn began to stain the skyline, his neck aching, shivering in the dark. He checked his phone for any update.

He’d called Hajime after the hospital had called him the night before, who’d immediately agreed to go to be with Takashi. Their parents wouldn’t have been called. Daichi was Takashi’s emergency contact. His knees had nearly given out beneath him when the woman over the phone had explained why she was calling, using words like lacerations and head trauma, he hadn’t been able to follow, throat dry, he kept swallowing, feeling like a fish out of water gasping unable to breathe.

He had no new messages, the two missed calls from Koushi still sitting on his lock screen unacknowledged. He’d barely made it outside of the city limits. Had actually pulled his pickup off the road, had nearly swiped to answer the call, feeling sick with it, the screen wavering in front of his eyes before disappearing away to voicemail. The second call he couldn’t make himself answer either. When that one had gone he waited for the third. _If he calls a third time, I’ll answer_. _If he calls a third time it’s because he really wants me to stay. It’s because he loves me._ Koushi had not asked him to stay. Had not even tried, and Daichi would’ve hated to have to turn him down, but somehow it hurt to have not even been asked, and he knew that was stupid.

He had been driving for forty five minutes, the sun lifting above the horizon before it finally caught up with him that he hadn’t eaten dinner the night previous and now he was starving. Hajime called him while he was in the gas station picking up a dirty tasting cup of coffee and a questionable pastry.

“He came out of surgery okay,” Hajime said sounding as tired as Daichi felt. “They told me he’s stable, but he hasn’t woken up yet. He’s hooked up with all these wires, it gives me the willies.”

“The willies?”

“Yeah, you know what I mean? Makes my skin crawl. He looks so small lying there in bed. I don’t want to leave him but I’ve got class in an hour. How far out are you?”

Daichi didn’t even know how to answer that since he had no earthly idea where he was even at.

“It’ll be a while,” he said, “This afternoon probably.”

“And you’re sure you don’t want to call your parents? You don’t think your mom might want to know.”

“Takashi wouldn’t want me to.”

“Sure, okay, Dai. But what about your _mom_?”

_“Take it easy on yourself. I worry about you all alone in the big city.”_

_Koushi wrapped the scarf around his neck with a huff of irritation._

_“I’m not alone, Mom.”_

_“I know. I know,” she sighed, the sadness filtering over her face like a cloud across the sun, dimming everything for a moment. “You’re my first born, have a little mercy on me. I don’t know what to do without you here, the whole town feels strange. I miss my baby.” She patted his head as he adjusted the backpack on his shoulders and tried not to roll his eyes._

_Coming home always felt like trying to cram himself back into clothes that didn’t fit anymore. He’d only come home for the day, to pick up his heavy coat he’d forgotten after winter break and hang out with Yui. Every conversation he’d had with his mother felt like he was dodging around questions about his grades. He knew they were bad, he knew he needed to buckle down and work harder. He knew that. He didn’t need his mom reinforcing it to him, with that sad look in her eye like he was letting her down._

_“Why do you always call me that? I’m not five years old.”_

_She sighed again._

_“Sorry Koushi. Force of habit.”_

_“I’ve got to get back. I’ve got class this evening. Tell Kenji I said hello.”_

_“He’ll be mad he missed you.”_

_“He’ll get over it,” Koushi didn’t hide the eye roll this time. Halfway out the door his mother caught his arm to pull him into a hug and pressed a soft kiss to his cheek. He shrugged her off before she was ready to let go._

_“You’re so mushy today,” he complained and she laughed patting his cheek._

_“And you’re one big ball of sunshine.” Koushi flushed in embarrassment, pulling away to head for his car. “I love you, baby. Drive safe.”_

_Koushi smiled and waved over his shoulder trotting down the porch, unlocking the door his little two-door piece of shit car. The one he’d sell in six months to try and meet late mortgage payments, but he didn’t know that then._

_“See ya later Mom,” he called without looking back._

Koushi kicked himself for that. He had dreams about that moment. Dreams where he could not turn back even though he wanted to. That he turned back to find the porch empty. He tried to call out to her but his voice was gone, he couldn’t make a sound.

He hadn’t had the dream in years but he had it now, waking stiff and drained, wrapped in his grandma’s quilt at the edge of the bed, with no concept of what time it was. Aware only of how alone he was now. The angle of the sunlight was strange, his clock when he finally dragged his eyes to it showing nearly noon. He shut his eyes in answer to that, shuddering beneath the blanket. It didn’t matter that today he’d told Marissa he’d patch the pothole, or even the closing shift he had later, or the loan officer at the bank yesterday telling him they were denying his loan and crushing his dream. It didn’t even register, all he could think of was that Daichi was somewhere out there and his brother was hurt and he was probably never coming back. His mom was gone and she was never coming back either. Koushi wrapped himself tighter in the quilt. He should’ve gone with him, he should have offered, even if Daichi had turned him down at least he could have _tried._

The gnomes were still on the table, a little sad in the half light of the suite. Koushi didn’t know when Daichi’d had the time to reassemble them, lump in his throat forming at the finality of Daichi just leaving them there on his table.

He reached for his phone where he had slung it across the bed last night, blearily waking the lock screen. There were no messages from Daichi but a text from Kenji saying they were headed back to Lawrence, and would he want to meet them for lunch? The dread twisted in Koushi’s stomach. Opening Kenji’s message he typed in a ‘ _no_ ’. Staring at it on the screen before deleting it. Kenji had sent that message three hours ago. Koushi turned the phone face down and shut his eyes, listening to the hum of the motel’s A/C kicking on, outside he could hear people talking the parking lot, crows somewhere cawing, then footsteps up the stairs. He pried his eyes back open, for a moment heart quickening. The impossibility that Daichi would’ve come back, the knocking on his door shuddering him to his feet.

Kenji was outside yawning, his hair messy, dressed in sweats and a long sleeved t-shirt.

“Wanna grab lunch?” Kenji asked and then seemed to take in Koushi’s disheveled appearance, eyebrows drawing down. “You look like shit, Kou.” Koushi let out a bitter laugh, opening the door a little wider to let Kenji in. Kenji took in his room, the mess, the half packed backpack still on the floor where Koushi had dropped it. The gnomes. Kenji tore his eyes away looking to Koushi. “Are you doing alright? Yui was downstairs she told me Marissa is selling the motel?” Koushi could only nod not trusting his voice. “But she said you’re going to buy it?”

“The bank denied my loan.”

“Shit. Why? Didn’t you date Mr. Walker’s daughter? Is it out of spite for breaking her heart?” Kenji was trying to get a laugh out of him, but it didn’t work, Koushi sitting down on the edge of the bed.

“I don’t have good credit, or collateral. No one to cosign. We foreclosed on the house, remember? I’m sure they don’t look kindly on that either,” Koushi rasped out.

“I’d cosign, I’ve got credit,” Kenji said. Koushi gaped at his brother now. Kenji looked a little embarrassed but his brown eyes were serious. “They shouldn’t even need collateral. They could just put a lien on the motel. You could finally fill that damn pool and stop complaining about it.” Kenji’s eyes were on him. “Is that what you really want?”

Here, offered on a silver platter, Koushi realized it was not what he wanted at all. Maybe it hadn’t ever been what he wanted. Koushi swallowed hard.

“I… Ken… Daichi’s gone.”

“He left?” Kenji sat down next to him, hands stuffed into the pockets of his sweatpants.

“He had to leave,” Koushi said, “I couldn’t ask him to stay.”

“You didn’t want to?”

“I did want to,” Koushi groaned, “God, Kenji. But I _couldn’t_.”

“What now then?” Kenji’s face was solemn and Koushi didn’t know the answer to that question.

“He told me not to wait for him.”

“Like what? You’re his girl and he’s gone off to war? That’s fucking bullshit,” Kenji snorted punching him lightly in the shoulder, “Fuck him.”

“Kenji,” Koushi’s voice was an unsteady rebuttal. Kenji cocked his head at him.

“We don’t hate Daichi now? What are you sitting here for then, why don’t you go after him?”

“He doesn’t want me.”

“Did he say that?”

“No, but…” Koushi choked on it, “no one stays. Not Daichi. Not you.”

“Kou,” Kenji exhaled.

“You never come home. Is it me? Are you that ashamed?”

“Koushi, are you stupid?” Kenji growled setting his hands on Koushi’s shoulders, his face deadly serious.

“If it’s not me then what is it?”

“I… It’s…” Kenji gulped, “I don’t… I don’t know how you can stay here. Everything reminds me of her and I just… It’s easier to stay away.” Koushi felt a lump of emotion in his throat.

“Ken.”

“It’s not you, Koushi. I can’t believe you’d think that.”

“Kenji,” Koushi pulled his brother in, Kenji squeezing him tight.

“That’s such bullshit, Kou. If you want Daichi, you should go get him.”

“His brother is in the hospital.” Koushi let Kenji go, Kenji frowning at him.

“Koushi.”

“I don’t have a license Ken. I don’t have a car. You want me to bike to California?” Koushi sighed with frustration.

“Remind me why you don’t have a license?” Kenji was digging in his pocket and Koushi groaned.

“I let it expire and then when Sal shot me the damn sheriff took it from me.”

“He was always a hard-ass.”

“Right?” Koushi groaned again digging his knuckles into his eyes. Kenji prodded him in the shoulder, and Koushi turned to look. He was holding out the keys for his jeep. “What?”

“Take my car.”

“What?” Koushi repeated.

“Take my car. Drive to California.”

“You’re joking. That’s not funny, Kenji.”

“Do I look like I’m joking?”

“You have class tomorrow, how are you supposed to get back to Lawrence?”

“We’ll rent a car. Jazz has her car when we get back. She can give me a lift if I need to go someplace. I already walk to school.” Koushi let Kenji set the keys into his palm, already calculating time and distance, shivering in the watery sunlight through his front window.

“Drop us in Colby and I’ll call it square. Get it back to me when you come back.”

Koushi staggered to his feet, heart drumming, shaky plan forming.

Hajime had messaged him following their facebook photo, a stern warning that he not be breaking Daichi’s heart. He’d laughed at it then, the day he’d been sitting at the hospital after they’d stitched up his shoulder and before Daichi arrived to take him home. If he couldn’t get through to Daichi maybe Hajime could direct him to the right place. There was only one problem.

“I still don’t have a license.”

“That’s your own damn fault,” said Kenji shrugging.

“Kenji, you’ve got a license.”

“I already gave you my car, I’m not going to…”

“If they pull me over I’m going right to jail.”

“Don’t get pulled over then.”

“Ken, I’m your only brother.”

Kenji rolled his eyes hard. Koushi had already seized his backpack from the floor, pulling on his shoes. Kenji watched him helplessly.

“Koushi…”

\--

It was by all counts the middle of the night. Central time, mountain time, pacific time. Any which way you looked at it. Koushi had parked the jeep, his whole body aching, eyes dry. The hospital loomed over him. He checked again that this was where Hajime had directed him. They’d exchanged texts, Koushi very vague as to why he needed to know which hospital Takashi was at, he may have suggested he was going to send flowers. It was all foolish either way because now he was here and he’d driven through the parking garage, empty-ish at this time of night, he’d seen Daichi’s truck, covered in dust. He knew logically he now had to try to call Daichi again, as if he hadn’t tried five times today already from the road. Each rejection didn’t hurt any less, and now with the phone in his trembling hands he realized he was scared to try again. Maybe more frightened Daichi would pick up than let it go to voicemail again. Something he only realized once he’d hit call and was listening to the phone ring in his ear. So many rings. It was one more away from going to voicemail, he had the timing in his head now. Koushi squeezed his eyes shut and let out a wavering exhale. But there was no ‘Hi, you’ve reached Daichi Sawamura, sorry I can’t come to the phone right now…” no rings, just silence on the other end. Then Koushi could hear a heavy sigh through the line.

“Daichi?” he asked voice sounding hoarse.

“Koushi, why do you keep calling?”

Koushi gulped down the panic rising in his throat.

“Is Takashi doing alright?” he asked. There was another shaky sigh.

“They’ve got him on heavy medication, I don’t think he’s really been awake,” Daichi said after a moment. “The doctor thinks he’ll heal up okay, probably no permanent damage. It was sort of touch and go last night though.”

“That’s good though, that he’s doing okay,” Koushi swallowed hard. It was strange knowing Daichi was so close but feeling like he was a million miles away at the same time.

“It doesn’t feel good. I had this dream last night when I stopped to sleep, Takashi was there telling me not to rush. And then I dreamt Marissa filled up the pool, you wouldn’t stop talking about it, even though I was trying to tell you that Takashi was right there. You couldn’t see him though. Like he was already a ghost.”

“I sound like a bastard in this dream,” Koushi’s free hand gripped the steering wheel, trying to will himself to get out of the car and go in.

“Only in this dream?” Daichi asked deadpan, Koushi thought he could hear the edge of the tease in Daichi’s voice but he wished he could see his face to be sure he was joking.

“Daichi, I miss you.”

“I miss you too,” Daichi answered voice wavering. Koushi tried to steady his heart.

“If theoretically I were sitting in the parking lot of Memorial Hospital right now, what would you think about that?”

“Theoretically?” Daichi sounded nervous.

“Yeah, theoretically.”

“At two in the morning?”

“You’re awake already so don’t make it sound like what I’m saying- sorry, _theorizing_ , is ridiculous,” Koushi said cautiously.

“You’re not.”

“I may be.”

“Jesus.”

“Are you finishing my sentence or cussing at me?” Koushi asked smiling, there was no answer, silence on the other end. “Daichi? I mean it’s only theoretical. Just tell me if that sounds like the worst possible thing that could happen because I’m definitely lying on my bed right now, watching Bachelor reruns on mute.”

“Koushi,” Daichi sounded breathless. “Koushi fucking Sugawara.”

“I like the sound of that. Kind of badass. Is that dirty talk, Sawamura? You trying to…?”

“Shut up just a minute, were you really joking?” Daichi’s tone was pinched. Koushi saw him then, emerging from the hospital’s front doors, phone pressed to his ear turning his head, looking.

“Goddamn,” Koushi said and hung up, throwing open the jeep door and tumbling out. Then he was running across the empty lot, Daichi catching him on the curb, hauling him tight to his chest, with a raspy laugh, Koushi peppering him with kisses until Daichi pinned his lips down in a deep kiss, Koushi sinking in against him, squeezing him tighter. Daichi groaned into his mouth, pulling back trying to break his vise grip. Koushi realized what he was doing and loosened his hold.

“What are you doing here? How? I don’t…?” Daichi was shaking his head. “What about the motel?”

“Fuck the motel.”

“I thought you wanted…” Daichi had cupped Koushi’s face with his hands, searching his eyes.

“I want you,” Koushi said holding eye contact. “I want you, Daichi. Fuck the rest of that shit. Motel included.”

“But…”

“The bank turned me down for a loan. The greasy slime ball from the chain is going to buy Marissa out. I don’t want any part of that.”

“Not at all?”

“Maybe a little bit,” Koushi confessed, “But maybe it’s time I let it go. I’ve been holding onto a lot of stuff. Honestly that can all wait. I wanted to be here with you. One thing at a time, right? And if,” he sucked in a breath, “If you don’t want me here. Just say the word and I’ll go back. Yui’s parents will let me live in their basement at least until I’m forty because I’m their favorite so there’s a backup plan.”

“How the fuck did you even get here?”

“Kenji gave me his car, also I have a license now,” Koushi flashed it out of his pocket, Kenji staring sullenly up at Daichi from the ID.

“Why’d you have to show that to me? I’m losing years off my life, Koushi,” Daichi rasped.

“So you want me to stay?” Koushi asked with half a smile. Daichi’s eyes were pained. He was glancing back towards the door, to the hospital, starting to pull away. Koushi felt his heart drop, he swallowed hard.

“Koushi, that’s a lot to risk on me.”

“Don’t worry about me, I’m not worried about me,” Koushi told him with a confidence he didn’t feel.

“Koushi, maybe you should be.”

“You don’t want me then,” Koushi’s chest hurt.

“It’s not that. I don’t want you to just throw everything out because of me,” Daichi was glancing back toward the door again, fingers worrying the hem of his sweatshirt. It was clear he didn’t want to be out here arguing with Koushi, he wanted to be inside with Takashi.

“You should go back. We can talk about it later, it’s not important right now,” Koushi said. Daichi’s face twisted.

“I don’t want him to wake up all alone,” this came out quieter.

“I know, I get it,” Koushi told him. Daichi moved toward the door, but halted once he had it open. Koushi still standing where Daichi’s left him at the curb.

“Are you just going to stay out here?”

“Can I come in? Do you want me to?”

“You can’t just stay out here. What the fuck did you follow me here for if you were just going to stay outside?”

Three quick steps put Koushi on Daichi’s heels following him in.

Koushi didn’t like hospitals, legs feeling like jelly from so long in the car as Daichi led the way through the maze of hallways, riding up the elevator. They were nearly shoulder to shoulder, knuckles kept brushing, Koushi suddenly afraid to take his hand. The halls were mostly empty, the heavy weight of night made it feel like a dream. He kept picturing the chairs in the waiting room, where he’d met Mrs. Benjamin. Kenji’s lanky form hunched over under her arm. The anxiety of all of it creeping up his throat and then Daichi was nodding to the room and they entered.

Takashi was still out, head lolled to the side, tubes in his nose.

If Kenji and Koushi were immediate matches on first sight and individuals on further inspection Daichi and Takashi were the opposite. They could’ve been two unrelated people on first glimpse but it was continued viewing that proved they both had dimples when they smiled, their noses similar, eyes the same warm brown. Takashi wore his hair longer, chin length and wavy by default, still sporting baby fat in his face, he was Daichi softened, younger, and when Koushi saw him lying helpless in the hospital bed, black eye, bandages on his face, tubes in his nose, it cut him straight to the heart. He didn’t have to reach for Daichi’s hand then because it had already slid into his.

Daichi was the one unsteady on his feet now, Koushi leaning into his shoulder.

A nurse ducked her head into the room, puncturing the moment.

“I thought you’d gone home for the night,” she said to Daichi, glancing at Koushi. Daichi dragged in a shuddering breath

“I’m not leaving,” Daichi told her firmly.

“Okay, okay,” she said soothingly, eying Koushi curiously again. Turning then to bustle in and look through Takashi’s charts, check his readings and IV. Daichi looked like a ghost and Koushi felt like one. He sat Daichi down on the chair as the nurse disappeared back out the door.

“Have you eaten anything?” he asked then. Daichi looked up at him, shaking his head. Koushi resisted the urge to stroke a hand through Daichi’s hair, to bend down to kiss his upturned face. He looked exhausted.

“Not hungry,” Daichi answered him.

“I’ll go get you something okay? There was a McDonald’s across the street. You’ve got to eat something.”

“I’m not hungry,” Daichi insisted again.

“Okay, but I am. I’ll bring you something back, in case you change your mind,” Koushi patted his head, adrenaline going again. By all rights he felt like he ought to have passed out by now, he’d done very little stopping on the road. A handful of bathroom breaks, lunch, dinner hours ago. Twice to get out and stretch his legs. Once to have a chat with an officer about speed limits. Thank god for Kenji’s spotless driving record. Koushi cringed about that as he headed off down the hall back toward the elevators. The officer had let him off with a warning but he was going to have to tell Kenji.

By the time he’d walked to the still gleaming golden arches and back, Koushi was coasting on fumes, eating fries as he crossed the nearly empty street, they didn’t taste like anything, he felt like every step was a monumental task. In the elevator, leaning back against the wall as it rose, his eyelids felt heavy, imagining for a moment he was back at the motel, the graveyard hours where Daichi always fell asleep on the couch, where Koushi would rest his chin on his arms on the desk and just rest his eyes for a minute…

The elevator dinged when it had arrived at the floor but the doors had both opened and shut before Koushi could stir himself to move, having to hit the button again to get out. Then he wasn’t sure which direction to go from there, down one hallway and then certain he’d gone the wrong way turning to go the other direction. At last he found it again, Daichi hunched over in the chair where he’d left him, relief easing through Koushi.

“I got a little lost but it should still be warm,” he said offering Daichi the bag. Daichi took it without real interest, opening it to look inside.

“There’s only one in here?”

“I ate mine on the walk,” Koushi lied, sitting down on the tiny couch by the window, watching Daichi pull the hamburger out and eat it despite his claim that he wasn’t hungry. He leaned against the arm of the couch, resting his head against his hand.

“Koushi, you should lay down, get some sleep,” Daichi was saying to him then, Koushi’s neck hurt, blinking through his drowse at Daichi. The fast food bag was gone, some amount of time had passed. He hummed in answer, adjusting his position, Daichi pulling off his shoes. Digging out a spare blanket to toss over him.

It was definitively morning when Koushi woke up. Daichi absent. Bright morning light pouring over him. He felt much better, sitting up to rub his eyes. The room felt smaller in the daylight, everything white and impersonal. Daichi’s chair was empty. Then Koushi realized the man in bed was looking at him through half opened eyes, lips trying to shape words. A beat of panic surged through him.

“I know you,” Takashi finally croaked out after a moment, throat dry, half open eyes widening with surprise on Koushi. Koushi pushed himself off the couch to Daichi’s chair as Takashi tried to sit up straighter.

“Don’t move,” Koushi warned him reaching a hand to set gently against his shoulder, feeling a stab of panic that Takashi was awake and Daichi wasn’t here. He looked around as if Daichi might be hiding behind a piece of equipment. Takashi frowned and gave a rasping cough.

“Water?” Koushi asked reaching for it, Takashi bobbing his head, grimacing when he tried to move his sprained wrist to reach for it. “Don’t move,” Koushi told him again, holding it up to his lips. Takashi drank greedily.

“You’re Koutarou,” he finally declared voice a little fuller. It took Koushi a second to realize.

“No, that’s Daichi’s other boyfriend.”

Takashi blinked sleepily with half a smile.

“This is a weird dream,” he mumbled, “Am I dying? Why are you here and not Daichi?”

“Daichi’s around here somewhere, I’m sure he’ll be right back,” Koushi told him, “Want me to go grab him?”

“He’s here?” Takashi’s eyes got a little wider, trying to push himself up again with his good arm. Koushi held him down.

“It’d be better to stay still,” he cautioned him, “I don’t know what all you broke. Are you in pain?” Takashi thought about that, blinking at Koushi.

“Little,” he finally said, “Where’s Daichi?”

“I’ll go get him,” Koushi promised springing to his feet and heading for the door, sticking his head out into the hall. Daichi was just a bit down the hall, shoulders hunched, phone to his ear.

“Daichi?” Koushi called, not loud, but loud enough, Daichi turning to him, face alarmed, coming back at a jog. “He’s awake!”

Takashi looked like shit. He looked pale and exhausted, stretched thin, hair nearly limp. His one blackened eye still horrible to look at though the swelling had begun to go down. It never ceased to suck all the breath out of Daichi’s lungs to see him there in bed. The fright in Koushi’s eyes had made his heart nearly stop, the words that he was awake not registering until he was meeting Takashi’s tired eyes. He felt the sting of tears, relief flooding through him in a dizzying wave. He wanted to throw his arms around his little brother but there was no way to do that, no way to wrap him up and keep him safe.

“So this is what it takes to get in contact with you,” Takashi said, his voice sounding rough and dry. “Kouta had me thinking I’d died without ever getting to see you again.”

“Koushi,” Koushi offered unhelpfully.

“I’m sorry. I should’ve answered your calls.”

“Damn straight,” Takashi said shutting his eyes.

“How do you feel? Do you want me to get the nurse?” Daichi reached to touch Takashi’s hand. Takashi’s eyelashes fluttered, Daichi looking desperately to Koushi who nodded without needing to hear the request and hurried back out the door.

“’m okay,” Takashi said tiredly. “You came all the way back for me?”

“I’m sorry, Takashi. For all of it. I just…”

“Don’t have to explain,” Takashi said. Daichi squeezed his hand. The flurry of sound behind Daichi wasn’t enough to pull him away. The nurse appearing on the other side of the bed, Koushi trailing behind her.

\--

“Where are your parents?” Koushi asked over breakfast, over cafeteria food which was startlingly bad. Daichi could hardly stomach it down. Koushi had to practically drag him from Takashi’s room to get him here. The nurses thought Takashi might be in a lot of pain, the hazy look in his eyes had seemed to confirm it. He was resting now but the unease was still creasing Daichi’s spine.

“Not here,” Daichi answered, Koushi giving him a look, he had wolfed down the oatmeal, and Daichi wondered tiredly if Koushi had really eaten on the walk back from McDonald’s last night. He hadn’t said anything about the drive. It was a long miserable expanse with very little worth looking at, Daichi had taken a long sleep in the middle of his, but Koushi must’ve driven straight through. Must’ve left before Daichi had even arrived. When he’d seen Koushi last night Daichi had wanted to cry, the last twenty four hours had been like slowly drowning and Koushi was a breath of fresh air into his lungs. It hit Daichi again what Koushi had thrown away to be here though. The motel. His whole life, as he’d described it to Daichi, what, three days ago? Daichi felt like the motel was a dream that had happened to somebody else, an unbelievable reality.

Koushi frowned shaking his head at that, spearing a strawberry half with his fork and taking a vicious bite.

“What kind of parents don’t care about their own child like that?” he mumbled, a storm cloud on his face.

“I didn’t call them,” Daichi said, “Takashi hasn’t talked to them in years. He wouldn’t’ve want me to tell them.”

“What?” Koushi blinked at him, setting down his fork, palms flat on the table, “But you still talk to your mom, even after the things they say to you? Don’t you think…? Daichi, you’ve got to call them. They should at least know.”

“I’m not going to,” Daichi shook his head. If Koushi knew his parents he would understand, it was better without them here.

Koushi swallowed, looking down to his strawberries, pushing them around with his fork.

“Okay, I just… will you think about it? When…” he started and then stopped. “When I left for school after semester break, I… My mom and I…” he swallowed again. Daichi wanted to reach out for Koushi’s hand across the table, at the pain crossing his face. “I didn’t leave on the best terms, I was a little shit… I always wished I could have a redo, you know.”

“Koushi.”

“I get that your parents are kind of the worst though and it’s not my place but I guess if I’d made a mistake with my kid, if there was the chance I could lose them, I’d want to try to make it right, I’d want them to know that I loved them. Even if they still wanted nothing to do with me. My mom always told me she loved me when I left home. That was always her last word, I wish…” He shook his head, eyes glossy.

“Koushi,” Daichi reached for his hand across the table, Koushi took it and Daichi gripped him tight. “I’ll think about it,” he promised.

\--

“I’m going to go get some real coffee,” Koushi told Daichi outside of the cafeteria.

“Okay,” Daichi agreed even though he didn’t want Koushi to leave him here by himself. He hadn’t even been here with him for twelve hours but already Daichi was dreading him leaving, even for a bit, having to stand up on his own without Koushi’s reassuring presence beside him.

The walk back to the room Daichi considered what he’d promised Koushi over breakfast. Voluntarily bringing his parents into this situation.

He made the call in the hallway, hands clammy on the phone. He knew Koushi was right. Knew it made sense. He kept thinking of the look on his face when he’d told him, how he regretted the last time he’d seen his mom. That could’ve been Daichi. That could’ve been Daichi not answering Takashi’s phone calls. The goodbye he’d never said before he left for Kansas. His conviction that Takashi didn’t give a shit. He hit call on the phone and listened to it ring, his mother answering cheerily on the other end. Daichi drew in a shaky breath, alarmed a little how relieved he felt to hear her voice.

“Daichi dear, it’s been a while since you called,” she trilled cheerily on the other end, “Are you still in Kansas?”

“No, Mom, actually,” he said, “Actually I’m back. I’m uh… Don’t panic. Takashi is alright but I’m down at Memorial Hospital…”

\--

“Marissa is going to take the deal,” Yui sounded tired on the other end of the line. Koushi had gone to get coffee when she’d called, stepping out of the front doors of the hospital into the California sunshine. “And not too soon. I was really considering murder this morning, Koushi.”

“Don’t make me an accessory to your crime by telling me about it.”

“She told me this huge long story for an hour this morning about her boyfriend in Arizona, after I was supposed to be done with my shift. For an _hour_ , Koushi. I was this close to actually strangling her,” Yui said in exasperation, “And then she was asking where you were at and I gave her some big lie about Kenji moving and you had to go help him, she thought that was rude of you for not telling her anything about it, so don’t be surprised if she calls you later.”

“I owe you big time.”

“Yes, you do. You’re buying me a steak dinner and working all my overnights for a week. Presuming Kuroo doesn’t fire us both immediately once he takes possession. When are you coming back?”

Koushi sucked in a breath, look up at the sky, blue and cloudless. There were palm trees here. He felt like he was on another planet. Not necessarily in a bad way. He was further from home than he’d ever been before.

“Yui, I don’t know,” he finally said. He didn’t even know that Daichi really wanted him here. He wouldn’t answer that question last night, and it sat in Koushi’s stomach like a poisonous weight. He was trying not to think about it. Daichi didn’t _not want_ him here though, he hadn’t told him to leave, but it felt uncomfortable between them. Words they weren’t saying. They’d broken up but he wasn’t so sure they were back together right now.

“Like,” Yui hesitated, “Like never?”

“I don’t know,” he said again, “Yui, I don’t…”

“What?”

“I told Daichi I wanted him but I don’t think he wants me back.”

“Koushi,” Yui sounded sad or maybe like she was chiding him for being insecure, Koushi couldn’t tell over the phone. He missed Yui forcefully then, he wished she was here to shake him by the shoulders and give him the pep talk he needed. “He’s been through a lot, he didn’t tell you to leave right? I’m sure he’s glad you’re there.”

“Maybe,” Koushi agreed.

“If he wanted you to, would you stay?”

“I’d need to think about it,” Koushi said quietly, “If Daichi stays here and Kuroo buys the motel…” Koushi imagined just not returning to Kansas. Remembering for a moment all of high school, late nights roaming the streets of town with Yui, on foot, in her car, on the playground equipment they’d rattled around on as children. Sitting on her front step, doodling in his sketchbook while he waited for her to get home from volleyball practice. She’d helped him with the little murals he’d painted, bringing him lunch, priming the wall, talking to him while he sat on top of the ladder. He could never lie convincingly to her, she knew him too well for that. “Yui…”

She sighed on the other end.

“Koushi, you can just say it. It’s okay if you don’t come back. Remember we always used to talk about getting out? Well, you’re out,” she told him then, “Don’t worry about me. I’ve got back up plans. And who knows? Maybe Kuroo will turn out to be a great boss under all that con man exterior. I think he and Oikawa might actually be friends now though, it’s super creepy,” Yui said. Koushi laughed imagining that. “Don’t feel like you need to come back. You started here because of me and now I’m setting you free. Go finish your degree or open your own hotel or start painting again, whatever it is you really want to do.”

“Yui,” lump forming in his throat.

“No, don’t take that tone with me,” she lectured him, “I know it’s scary, but I believe in you.”

“I wish you were here.”

“I’ll come visit you, you’d have to get a restraining order to keep me away. I mean you’ve got sunshine, the ocean, Daichi. How could I stay away?” Koushi laughed with her. He hadn’t thought that far ahead when he’d handed his keys to her before he left, but he was imagining it now. A future where he didn’t take them back.

\--

Daichi’s father’s hair was more salt than pepper, mustache and goatee almost entirely white, tall and broad, imposing as always, he was trailing behind his wife at the door to Takashi’s room, face something Daichi couldn’t read. He hadn’t thought they would be here so soon or that Koushi would take so long to get coffee. Daichi found himself wishing Koushi was still here to bolster against the creeping dread in the pit of his stomach. When they’d appeared at the door he had to remind himself he’d brought this on himself. His mother had seemed fairly composed on the phone but she was crying now, before he could even say anything, before she’d even stepped into the room. Takashi was asleep for now. His black eye still gruesome, but they’d taken him off of oxygen and his color was looking better. A stark contrast to the brother Daichi had arrived to yesterday. They were starting to talk of letting him go home. Maybe tomorrow.

“Takashi,” her voice warbled as she reached the edge of the bed, reaching out to hold on. She might as well have not seen Daichi at all. His father was still frozen at the door, eyes pinned on his youngest son lying frail and injured and then slowly finding Daichi. Daichi had pictured this first moment before. This first moment after he’d resigned from the police force that was his dad’s entire life, but there wasn’t judgment now in his father’s eyes.

No angry speeches. No disowning.

Maybe it was a blessing somehow that Takashi was in this state, his father took three quick steps toward him, for a moment Daichi thinking this was a hugging moment. Like when he’d scored at his little league games, his dad would drag him into a big bear hug, present him with the coveted ‘good game, son’. His dad halted though, half way through opening his arms as if he thought he was not wanted, or maybe picturing Daichi kissing another man, something a little revolting to him, a worry in his face. Daichi was already moving forward though, had set aside his doubts for the moment, feeling approximately six and like he’d run away from home and had finally returned to find someone had been worried by his absence.

His dad’s arms settled around him, hugging him tight. Not unlike Koushi’s bone cracking hugs.

“You came back,” he said.

“Yeah,” Daichi agreed.

“Is Takashi…?” a question that cracked out of his father’s throat.

“He’s doing a lot better. He was awake this morning.”

“Daichi, why didn’t you call us earlier?” his mother’s voice was broken, looking at him, her eyes red. Daichi had the answer to that question but he couldn’t tell her, not with her looking at him with her sad, sad eyes. 

“Cuz y’all are shitty as fuck to Daichi,” Koushi chirped from the doorway, all eyes turned to him. He looked a little angry, a coffee in either hand. “He didn’t even want to call you.”

“You’re that boy,” said Daichi’s mom in confusion, looking from Koushi to Daichi. “Honey, what is he doing _here_ …?” As if here was a place that Koushi should definitely not be. It would have been equally effective to have stabbed Daichi through the heart with a steak knife. He felt himself waking from the domestic dream that they were some sort of happy family reuniting.

“I love him that’s why,” Daichi shot back, heart in his throat. Koushi met his eyes across the room, eyes wide, mouth open in surprise before his eyes crinkled into a smile. Daichi’s heart beat a little harder.

“But honey…”

“No,” Daichi cut her off.

“Michiko,” Daichi’s dad spoke then, a warning tone. Her eyes leapt to him, startled as if she’d forgotten he was there. “We haven’t met, I don’t think,” Daichi’s father said turning to face Koushi. Koushi glanced to Daichi who didn’t have an answer for the question he was asking with his eyes. Koushi stepped into the room, setting down the coffee, squaring up and reaching to meet Daichi’s dad’s outstretched hand and shake it. The flex of his arm making Daichi wince on behalf of his father’s hand.

“Koushi Sugawara, uh, sir,” he said sternly.

“You’re uh… Daichi’s…” his father was trying to say it, Daichi felt like he was in some alternate reality. His father who’d never so much as tried to allude to such a thing before. Koushi eyes creased with another smile looking to Daichi.

“Boyfriend, or uh, partner? Daichi which do you like?”

Daichi found himself smiling back, heart warm, wishing it was just the two of them here, he wanted to kiss Koushi so bad right now. Instead he shrugged.

“Doesn’t make a difference to me.”

“Boyfriend then,” Koushi decided turning back to Daichi’s father, brows serious.

“Boyfriend,” Daichi’s dad said swallowing. “Pleased to meet you, Koushi, I’m Daisuke and this is my wife Michiko.” Michiko’s eyes were wide nodding silently, lips pressed into a tight line, hands at her sides. Koushi offered his hand out to her and she flinched again, for a tense moment something rattled in Daichi’s bones that she wouldn’t shake his hand. Then she reached out to meet Koushi, he clasped her hand with both of his, gentle where he’d been aggressive with Daichi’s dad.

“Mrs. Sawamura, it’s my pleasure,” Koushi said genially, hanging onto her hand a moment longer than necessary. Daichi’s mom flushed and withdrew. “Would you two like a coffee?” Koushi offered then the two that he’d brought, no doubt for him and Daichi.

They accepted his offering. Daichi couldn’t actually believe that this was happening right now. He’d never brought someone home to meet his parents for obvious reasons, for the potential for complete disaster that somehow Koushi had subverted, both of his parents giving him tentative smiles. Maybe Daichi should’ve given them a chance before. Though maybe Koushi was the only one who could’ve warmed them to the idea. It didn’t matter either way, not now, Koushi sneaking a wink at Daichi.

“I’m dead right?” Takashi whispered later, Daichi nearly dozing at his elbow, Daichi turning to him startled. Takashi’s eyes were a little brighter than they’d been, brows furrowed in confusion at his parents huddled in with Koushi, Koushi was telling a story, excessively gesturing, their mom with a hand over her mouth trying not to laugh and their dad unabashedly enthralled. “That’s the only explanation,” Takashi added when Daichi could neither confirm nor deny if this was the afterlife. “They don’t know... do they?”

“They know,” Daichi told him. Takashi blinked hard.

“Pinch me, Daichi.”

“What?”

“I won’t feel it if I’m dead.”

“You’re on so many painkillers you won’t feel anything either way,” Daichi informed him. Takashi laughed, a broken wheezing sound, both their parents’ heads whipping around to look at him in surprise.

“Shit,” whispered Takashi before their mother descended on him, pressing in close with fluttering hands smoothing his hair, touching his cheek.

“You’re awake,” she whispered in near disbelief. “Honey.” Takashi tried to shrug her off reddening in embarrassment, turning to Daichi for help.

“Easy on him, Mom,” Daichi said, and their mom laid off a bit hand still stroking absently at Takashi’s hair.

“We were so worried. When your brother called my heart about stopped,” her voice was quivering, eyes brimming again with tears, Takashi looking up at her his lip trembling. So much for terminal not giving a shit.

“We’re glad you’re okay,” their dad finally offered, standing at the edge of the bed looking like he had no idea what he was supposed to do with his hands, lacing them together, knuckles white, mustache bristling.

Behind him Daichi watched Koushi slink for the door with a look on his face that sent Daichi’s heart plummeting. He staggered up to offer his dad his seat, Takashi looking at him with a silent plea to stay.

“I’ll be right back,” Daichi promised ducking out the door, looking both ways to see where Koushi had gone. He was part way down the hall, slouched, hands jammed in his pockets. Daichi hurrying after him. “Koushi!”

Koushi turned, looking startled, eyes watery, reaching a hand to rub his nose, putting on a cheery smile. He couldn’t fool Daichi anymore though. It didn’t reach his eyes. Fake.

“Where are you going?”

“I thought maybe you’d want some alone time, just you and your family,” Koushi said voice cracking.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong,” Koushi said, “Just thought I’d go for a walk.”

“Koushi.”

“I’m fine. It’s stupid.”

Daichi reached to touch his shoulder.

“What’s stupid?”

Koushi’s arms were tucked in to himself, rubbing at his shoulder absently, biting his lip, a tear escaping from his eye.

“Just seeing your whole family together, makes me…” he took a steadying breath, “I miss her, Daichi.”

“Your mom.”

Koushi bobbed his head, Daichi wrapped his arms around him, Koushi pressing his face to his shoulder.

“That’s not stupid,” Daichi told him, gently rubbing his back. “I mean maybe a little, my dysfunctional family shouldn’t make you jealous.” Koushi sniffed hard gripping him tighter, letting out a warm shaky breath against his neck. Daichi stroked Koushi’s hair, aware of nurses passing them with sidelong glances. He found he didn’t care.

“Did you mean what you said?” Koushi mumbled after a minute, shifting in Daichi’s arms.

“About my dysfunctional family?”

“No, when you said you loved me.”

“Yeah I did,” Daichi exhaled, Koushi blinking watery hazel eyes at him. Daichi smoothed back his hair from his face and Koushi smiled shyly at him. “So boyfriends, huh?”

\--

“He’s nice,” Daichi’s mom said with a hesitant look in the hallway as they were leaving. “Dai, I’m,” she hesitated, “I’m sorry,” she said, “I shouldn’t have said what I did. Earlier.” Daichi ran a hand through his hair, blowing out a breath, and tried to give her a smile. He was tired, he’d been tired all day, but it’d finally caught up with him, all he wanted to do was lie down.

“We haven’t made it easy,” his father said, patting Daichi’s shoulder. “You- are you going back to Kansas, then?”

“We don’t want to lose both of our boys,” his mom put forward, meeting Daichi’s eyes, lips serious. Her mascara had run with her crying earlier, she’d dabbed at it in the mirror in the bathroom but her eyes were still ringed in smudgy darkness. Daichi sighed.

“You two make me feel like shit sometimes,” he finally said, the words he’d been weighing for four thousand miles. “And I don’t want to feel like shit anymore. Something has to change.” His parents were still, their faces tight. He could see himself there, in his mother’s warm brown eyes, in the shape of his father’s nose, familiar and strange all at once. Daichi’s head hurt.

“Okay,” his mother said nodding, glancing to his father. “If you need anything, Dai. We’re here for you.” She reached to put her hands on his shoulders, eyes filling with tears again. Daichi let her hug him close, breathing in her mom smell wondering if anything would really be different. He offered his dad a hand for a handshake and Daisuke pulled him in for a hug instead.

“About the force,” he said. Daichi swallowed hard, pit of stomach knotting. Here it was.

“I had to resign, I couldn’t stay, I had to,” he said into his dad’s shoulder, the words he’d practiced so many times in his head. Daisuke patted his shoulder.

“I know, son.”

Daichi bit back the wave of emotion.

Back in Takashi’s room, Koushi was huddled at his bedside, they were talking in low voices. Daichi’s heart swelling to see the two of them together talking like they might be friends. He liked that idea. His brother and Koushi as friends. Until he caught sight of the looks on their faces, the way Takashi prodded Koushi in the shoulder when he saw Daichi. Daichi hadn’t considered the consequences of the two of them, his danger sense like an alarm bell in his chest.

“Daichi, you have to sleep,” Koushi said before Daichi could even ask what sort of trouble they were up to. “We’re going to go to Takashi’s place and you’re going to sleep.”

“I’m not leaving,” Daichi said. Koushi glanced to Takashi.

“I’ll be fine by myself, Dai,” Takashi said, “You look like hell.”

“I’m alright.”

“No, you are not,” Koushi argued. “Takashi’s place isn’t that far. I’ll drive. Don’t make me pull a Daichi and sit on top of you until you give in.”

“Pull a what?”

“Don’t play dumb, get your bag, we’re going.”

“Takashi,” Daichi’s voice cracked.

“I’m fine, Daichi, really,” Takashi said. Koushi had stood up and pulled on his sweatshirt before seizing Daichi’s backpack off the floor. Daichi looked between the two of them again, he wanted to argue but he was too tired.

\--

Koushi wasn’t tired but he fell asleep beside Daichi anyway, tangled up in Takashi’s bed. Daichi had made stilted small talk with the two roommates making stir fry in the kitchen. Koushi had taken the fastest shower of his life, after being informed by another room mate that he had to be to work in twenty minutes and he’d better hurry. Finally feeling clean and not like he had fast food oozing out of his pores from all the driving and bad sleep, Koushi returned to Takashi’s bedroom to find that Daichi was not asleep like he ought to be, sitting up in bed, looking through something on his phone.

“Naughty,” Koushi scolded him climbing into bed and pulling the phone out of Daichi’s hands. It was open to an article on physical therapy for leg injuries. Koushi set the phone on the window sill behind the bed and pulled down the shade so it didn’t feel like the middle of the afternoon.

“I can’t sleep,” Daichi protested but Koushi gently pushed him down and spooned up against his back, arms around Daichi’s waist. Koushi kissed the back of his neck.

“Just shut your eyes for a bit then, okay?”

They were silent for only a bit, he couldn’t see Daichi’s face to know if he had even closed his eyes, he was fidgeting though and Koushi knew he wasn’t sleeping.

“Koushi, what about the motel?” Daichi finally said, “It should be yours, you’re the one who should own it.”

“Daichi, I couldn’t care less about the motel,” Koushi told him rubbing his thumb gently against Daichi’s rib.

“That’s a lie.”

“Daichi shut your eyes.”

“My eyes are shut.”

“Shut your mouth then, think about something nice. Like the ocean, or a big wheat field on a warm sunny day, with a nice breeze,” Koushi said softly and then unable to help himself, blew against the back of Daichi’s neck. Daichi snorted, struggling loose out of Koushi’s grip and rolling over so they were face to face. Koushi’s heart started beating hard to be so close.

“You’re not making me sleepy, like that.”

“What? You want me to lie on top of you like a heavy sack of bricks, and kiss you into oblivion like that shit you pulled on me before Marissa came?”

“It worked didn’t it?” Daichi gave him half a cocky smile, but the worry was still in his eyebrows. Koushi put his hands on his face and smoothed the worry out with his thumbs, then leaned close to press a soft chaste kiss to his lips, running his fingers through Daichi’s hair. Daichi wrapped his arms around him, pulling him a little closer. Koushi tucked his head in against Daichi’s neck, sliding his arms around Daichi’s waist again. He wanted to ask what Daichi thought about him not going back to Kansas, about whether Daichi wanted him to stay, but Daichi was finally quiet and Koushi had to remind himself that they were here for Daichi to sleep. He kissed Daichi’s neck softly and shut his eyes.

He woke later, still wrapped up in Daichi’s embrace, listening to his deep easy breathing, the sound of voices in the apartment. His one arm was falling asleep. He didn’t know how long he’d been out for, slowly extracting himself from Daichi’s grip. Daichi mumbled something in his sleep trying to pull him back in and Koushi let him. He kissed Daichi’s chin and then to his alarm, Daichi was squinting at him sleepily, and then blinking harder trying to bring him into focus.

“Go back to sleep,” Koushi whispered but it was too late.

“What time is it?” Daichi whispered huskily. Koushi pushed himself up to reach for Daichi’s phone off the window sill, Daichi’s hands still resting on his waist.

“A little after six.”

“We should go back,” Daichi said blinking sleepily but didn’t move to sit up. Koushi slid back down into his arms, smoothing some of Daichi’s bed head with a fond smile. Daichi’s eyes were heavy.

“Five more minutes?” he asked settling close again. Daichi yawned and shut his eyes.

“Okay, but just for you.”

“Just for me,” Koushi agreed with a smile nuzzling closer.

\--

“I still can’t believe that stunt you pulled yesterday. Calling Mom and Dad up here,” Takashi wavered on his feet.

“I’m sorry, Koushi made me do it,” Daichi said helping steady Takashi on his crutches, Takashi’s face pinched in discomfort. They were letting him leave today though it would be a while before he was fully healed up, before he would be off crutches, his leg in a bulky cast. Takashi gave him a look.

“It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be though. So I’ll forgive you,” he said. Daichi laughed. They’d reached the end of the hall. The nurse waiting for them back at the room, a small figure far away now as Takashi slowly turned himself around. “You know, I cut them out because of the way they treated you,” he said. Daichi giving him a startled look. “I couldn’t ever understand why you didn’t do the same, you know, if they were going to treat you like some kind of pariah why you weren’t just like ‘fuck that’, but maybe I understand now.”

“Takashi…” Daichi was about to argue.

“I mean, it’s hard being on your own. And things are tough enough already. You know, I’m on your side, right, Dai? I feel like sometimes you lump me in with the shitty things they do and say but I’m on your side. You don’t have to feel like you’re alone.”

“I know,” Daichi said looking down.

“They seemed different yesterday,” Takashi said pausing to catch his breath, some of the color had bled out of his face. “Laughing with Koushi, I mean, and to you.” Daichi nodded and Takashi pushed forward again, the nurse was giving him a thumbs up as they approached. She was giving Takashi a big smile visible even at a distance.

“Think hot nurse has a thing for me?”

“I think you hit your head pretty hard in that crash,” Daichi answered him. Another minute put them in speaking range, the nurse still smiling at Takashi, long red hair up in a ponytail that swung when she talked.

“Feeling alright?” she asked him.

“Yup,” Takashi said cavalierly, puffing out his chest and tossing back his hair, giving the nurse a grin. Daichi tried hard not to roll his eyes.

Koushi had pulled Daichi’s truck around and was waiting when they got out of the front doors of the hospital. Takashi looked spent and it took help from both Daichi and Koushi to get him into the passenger seat, propping up the crutches next to him since there was no space in the back seat. Once there he sank back into the seat as Daichi started the truck. Koushi waving from the sidewalk.

“Were you coming back to stay?” Takashi asked once they’d pulled away, gesturing to the disarray in the seat behind. “Please tell me you weren’t just living out of your truck.”

“I was staying at Koushi’s motel.”

“Are you broke now?”

Daichi laughed.

“I wasn’t paying a whole lot to stay towards the end.”

“Friends with benefits?” Takashi asked laughing.

“Extreme friends and family discount.”

“You could have stayed with me, you know?” Takashi said then more seriously, “I know my place is small and we’re already violating fire code, but what’s one more? You didn’t have to leave.” Daichi rubbed the back of his neck sitting at the stop light and wondering if such an explicit offer would’ve changed the decision he’d made months ago. He decided after a moment that he hoped it wouldn’t have.

They were driving to their parents’ house, arriving out front, their mother emerging onto the front step.

“You’re sure about this?” Daichi asked one more time. Takashi nodded.

“She offered. It’ll just be for a week until I heal up a little more, you’ve done enough already Dai. You, me and Koushi won’t fit in my apartment anyways.”

“I’ll still be in town though, if you need anything,” Daichi promised.

“You’re not going back to Kansas?” Takashi sounded surprised. Their mother was coming around to his side of the car, opening the door before Daichi could answer.

Koushi had met up with Daichi at Hajime’s tiny house after he’d dropped off Takashi, thinking maybe Daichi would take a nap. They’d have a quiet afternoon, they’d touch the unsettled question of what came next. But when Daichi pulled up in his truck it was only to say he was grabbing his and Hajime’s surf boards and driving them to the beach. Hajime was in class, the only roommate home was Hiro, who was in between jobs, explaining to Koushi the art of a perfect plate of nachos.

“Are you sure Hajime is okay with this?” Koushi asked again as they exited off the freeway, admiring for a minute Daichi’s confident handling of merging through four lanes of traffic. He felt his whole body buzzing, with the anxiety of the freeway, the anticipation of the ocean. For the first time in days Daichi seemed genuinely happy and Koushi was trying to tamp down the thoughts of the dark unknown of the sea floor.

“He’d want to come too if anything,” Daichi said, “He won’t mind. He’s got classes all day today.”

“Are there sharks? Oikawa said there were sharks.”

“Tooru is full of shit.”

Koushi’s fists were balled inside of the pockets of his hoodie. Honestly he was more afraid than excited at the moment and thinking about marine life or the lack thereof was not helping his jitters. They wove through the small suburb, emerging from a tangle of small businesses to the open sky and water. Koushi craned his neck to see the ocean, sucking in a sharp breath

“You nervous?”

“No definitely not,” Koushi straight up lied. Daichi laughed putting the truck into park and swinging open the door, the smell of the ocean hitting Koushi. His heart was pounding as he climbed out, tightening of the drawstring on Daichi’s too big swim shorts around his waist. Daichi in his wet suit, pulled out the surf boards and handed Hajime’s to Koushi. Then he led the way down through the scraggly grass and into the open sand, waves washing in with a roar. Maybe he was more excited than nervous, Daichi looking back at him with a grin.

“It’s not your pool,” Daichi said when they’d reached the water’s edge, waves rushing in to meet them.

“Definitely not,” Koushi agreed, “There’s actually water.” He gave Daichi a weak smile. They kicked off their shoes, left the boards on the beach and waded in. Koushi’s hand slipped into Daichi’s, the water a little cold but not unpleasant, the sun warm on their shoulders.

“It’s not so bad right?”

“Right. Except the whole deep dark stuff.” Koushi nearly yelping as their next step forward put them suddenly deeper, water up to their waists. He edged a little closer to Daichi. Another cold wave rushed splashing in up to their shoulders. Koushi leaned into Daichi with a squawk. Daichi laughing.

“Okay that’s enough,” Koushi said, “we’re in too deep.”

“We’re not in deep at all.”

Koushi sat at the water’s edge watching Daichi paddle out, catching a wave, rising from his chest to his feet in one smooth motion, with a whoop. Koushi grinned at the sight, Daichi coasting along until at last he was tossed from the board, popping to the surface climbing onto his board to paddle back out, finally drifting ashore, out of breath, flushed and happy lying down on the sand beside him.

“You’re sure you don’t want to try it?”

“Baby steps,” Koushi reminded him, setting the nice shell he’d found on the center of Daichi’s chest. Daichi picked it up to look at it.

“Are you going to go back?” Daichi asked then, voice hesitant. Koushi met his eyes.

“Are _you_ going to go back?” he asked instead of answering. Daichi pushed himself up on one elbow and offered him back the shell.

“I think I need to stay here for a bit, until Takashi is better at least. I need to figure out what to do next. Finish the novel.”

“Can I stay with you?” Koushi asked looking down at the shell, turning it over in his hands and then amended, “If I stayed would you want me to?”

“You want to?”

“Fuck yes if you’ll have me,” Koushi told him. “What do you want Daichi?”

He sat all the way up and kissed Koushi in answer. Daichi tasted like salt and the sun and Koushi felt a little drunk on it. When they broke apart, searching Daichi’s face for the catch in his happiness. There was no catch, just happiness and adoration reflecting back at him. Daichi took Koushi’s hand and dragged him to his feet.

“Come on, if you’re going to stay you have to try it at least once.”

-

“When you said that thing, about not waiting, about not having to be faithful,” Koushi was at the window of Hajime’s tiny room. He could hear Hajime and the roommates still boisterous in the kitchen. They’d been deep in a game of poker, all a little drunk, Oikawa home and passed out against Hajime’s shoulder, the other two cackling, eyes skating over he and Daichi as they entered well after the sun had gone down, tired from the sun and the sea. Koushi had managed to get up on his feet on the board, exactly once for probably thirty seconds before falling off into the water. Daichi kept insisting to him that if he could catch a frog, he could catch a wave. Hajime had turned them a sloppy smile.

“Koushi, you made it,” he said cheerily, not exactly what Koushi had expected. Based on Daichi’s description Hajime ought to be a little more grumpy and a little less happy go lucky. Oikawa slipped from his shoulder and startled awake to more laughter from the other two.

“You’re so rude,” he declared pushing his hair out of his eyes and then turning to where Daichi was kicking off his shoes, squinting at him. “Dai-chan you’re back.”

“You can have our room, Shittykawa and I can sleep on the couch.”

“Iwa-chan we won’t both fit on the couch,” Oikawa protested.

“You can sleep on the floor then,” Hajime said with a lazy smile that earned him a smack on the shoulder from Oikawa.

“Dai-chan, who’s that with you? Is it Mr. Refreshing? Suga-chan? The motel sold,” Oikawa hiccupped. “To tall, dark and spooky.” Koushi was surprised in hearing that. Surprised that he did not care at all. Well, maybe just a little bit. A tiny stab of regret. But the motel had never really been his to start with. He wondered what would happen to Yui now, what she’d meant when she said she had a backup plan. Oikawa was rambling on, face flushed, petting Hajime’s hair. “Signed the papers yesterday and flew right home, to be with my sweet, charming, beautiful…”

“Tooru,” Daichi said, “you’re drunk.”

“Hunky, sexy, not very bright…” Oikawa was nuzzling in against Hajime’s ear, Hajime gazing back at him fondly.

“We are all drunk, my good man,” said the dark haired roommate with the thick eyebrows who could only be Issei. “Care to join?” Hiro beside him breaking into another round of laughter, face red, laying his head down on the table.

“Rude, wise, special…” Oikawa continued.

“Oikawa we get the point.”

“Perfect, Iwa-chan,” Oikawa finished, Hajime rolling his eyes but still smiling.

Daichi looked warm and happy, settled in his skin, here surrounded by his friends, salt water dried on his skin, Koushi thought. This Daichi wasn’t different than his Daichi though, just in a different context. Then he was yawning, hand in Koushi’s, turning down their calls to drink with them.

“Too tired,” Daichi insisted.

He looked tired now too, even though he’d showered, hair still wet and a little wild, pulling on a t-shirt and lying down in Hajime’s bed.

“About me being trapped,” Koushi elaborated, Daichi’s eyes pulling to him. Koushi sat down beside him, carding his fingers through his damp hair, and then on second thought pressed Daichi’s short hair into a fauxhawk. Daichi halfheartedly tried to bat him off, catching Koushi’s wrist and dragging him down to kiss him. Koushi hummed, propping himself up on his elbows, slinging a knee over Daichi’s waist. Daichi’s fingers at his waist pushing up his shirt. Koushi pulled back, sitting back on Daichi’s hips, Daichi groaning.

“No, we need to talk, stop being so frisky, Sawamura,” he said pulling Daichi’s hands off, Daichi giving him a guilty smile.

“So you’re going to sit on top of me and give a lecture.”

“Don’t say that like you’re not the one who put me here,” Koushi said grinning, shifting his position so he was between Daichi’s knees offering a hand to pull him up. “Anyway, if we’re going to stay together we’ve got to talk about this stuff.” Daichi’s leaned forward to try to kiss him again, Koushi growling into his mouth.

“Quit that for just a minute,” he said putting his hands on his shoulders. “It just doesn’t sit right with me. I’m not trapped, Daichi.” Daichi lifted one of Koushi’s hands off his shoulder and turned it over to kiss his wrist. Koushi sighed. “Daichi, I’m not Austin. I’m not going to be Austin,” he said cradling his hand against Daichi’s cheek. “It’s not some sort of burden to me to love you or want to be with only you.” Daichi’s sighed out, brows furrowing, dropping eye contact.

“You say that now…”

“No. I _mean_ it,” Koushi said smoothing a thumb over cheek. “I promise you.” Daichi hesitantly met his eyes and Koushi wanted to kiss him this time, kiss him until the sad pinched look in his eyes was only bliss. He reached for Daichi’s hand to link their pinkies. “Pinkie swear,” he insisted. Daichi’s lips wobbled.

“That’s stupid.”

“You’re stupid,” Koushi retorted petulantly, squeezing his pinkie harder. “And you’ll tell me when I’m being too much, you’ll tell me if you’re not feeling it anymore.”

“Is this a promise or are these hostage conditions?”

“Daichi.”

“You’re stupid,” Daichi told him, “You’re not too much. You’re always just enough.” Koushi felt heat flush in his face.

“I love you, Daichi.”

“Promise?”

“Promise,” Koushi breathed meeting his lips.

“That’s good,” Daichi exhaled between kisses, “’Cuz I love you too.”

“I know, you fucking confessed it to your parents before you said it to me. What kind of weird shit is that?”

Daichi laughed, Koushi’s heart swelling with the sound.

“Okay, negotiations are concluded, frisk away,” Koushi giggled pushing Daichi back onto the bed and resuming his position on top of Daichi’s hips. Daichi gave him a wolfish grin pushing his t-shirt up, Koushi wiggling out of it.

In the other room there was the sound of something crashing and a chorus of laughter. Koushi almost didn’t hear it, over the drumming of his heart, the all-consuming feel of Daichi’s hands on his skin.

“What are the chances,” he panted, “We get interrupted.”

“Pretty decent,” Daichi murmured, lips against Koushi’s collarbone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next time: Later


	10. Later

**Approximately 12 months later:**

The alarm startled them both, Koushi’s head reared up and cracking into Daichi’s jaw.

“Fuck,” Koushi cried, hands on Daichi’s cheeks as Daichi reeled. “I’m sorry!”

“It’s fine,” Daichi groaned sinking back against the pillows. Koushi smoothed a hand through his hair and planted a soft kiss on his forehead. The alarm on his phone still going. He pulled away, in his absence a chill stealing in beside Daichi. He cracked his eyes open to watch Koushi sitting at the edge of the hotel bed in his boxers trying to silence the alarm. There were a set of three moles on one shoulder blade like Orion’s belt. He smiled sleepily at them, thinking of how they felt beneath his fingertips, the warmth of Koushi’s skin against his. Finally silence settled back into the room and Daichi shut his eyes. With a heavy exhale Koushi sank back into their nest tugging Daichi’s arm back around his waist.

“You’ll be late,” Daichi mumbled into his hair as Koushi tucked his head back against Daichi’s neck.

“That was just the first alarm, I don’t have to be anywhere for what…? Four hours?”

Daichi hummed an assent, drifting back toward sleep, Koushi tracing shapes along his ribs with his thumb.

“Koushi?”

“Hmm?”

“It’s his wedding you can’t be late.”

“Who gives a shit about weddings? Go back to sleep Daichi,” Koushi murmured kissing the hollow of his throat, which didn’t serve its intended purpose of putting Daichi back to sleep, in fact just the opposite.

“Koushi, you’re the best man.”

“Tell me something I don’t know.”

“You’re a cocky bastard,” Daichi growled, Koushi’s giggles tickling his neck.

“Just five more minutes. I know you want five more minutes, just like this,” Koushi whispered kissing the same spot again, Daichi sleepily trying to decide if he was enjoying it or if Koushi was doing it purely to spite him. Sometimes it seemed to be a toss-up. He took too long to decide and Koushi heaved out a sigh, taking the silence as a rejection of whatever he had just proposed.

“Okay, okay, I’ll get up,” Koushi grumbled pushing himself up. Daichi yawned, running a hand through his wild hair. Gentle hands settled on his cheek and he opened his eyes again to find Koushi gazing at him with half a smile, he leaned in brushing their lips together. “Have I told you recently that I love you?”

“At least ten times, last night,” Daichi answered him with a smile, color flaming Koushi’s cheeks.

“I’m affectionate, what can I say.”

“My favorite thing about you.”

Koushi got a little bit redder, climbing out of bed and stretching his arms over his head.

“I hate this hotel, I hate everything about it,” Koushi was complaining an hour and a half later, after they’d eaten the free breakfast (‘the exact same breakfast you could eat at every one of these exactly the same hotels’), which he had bitterly enjoyed, a big waffle with whip cream and chocolate syrup. He was dragging the curtains open, Kansas City sprawling out beneath them. A little different in the daylight than when they’d flown in the night before. “The popcorn ceiling. These curtains. What does this room say to you?” he asked clearly expecting Daichi to give him the answer. “Borrring,” droned Koushi cutting Daichi off before he could take a guess. “Tell me again why we didn’t beg to stay in Yui’s apartment?”

“Privacy,” Daichi straightening his tie in front of the mirror on the back of the closet, grinning over his shoulder. Koushi waggled his eyebrows.

“We’ve got time before the ceremony. Wanna enjoy some privacy?”

“Nope, I’m dressed already.”

“That’s easy, Dai, I’m a pro at undressing, you won’t have to do a thing,” Koushi purred turning away from the window. “Come over here, babe.” Daichi laughed at him, letting Koushi kiss him trying and failing to unknot his tie.

“Okay, well I can’t get that off so it’ll have to stay,” he grumbled going for the buttons of Daichi’s dress shirt instead.

Daichi let Koushi do it, slowly walking him back and by the time Koushi was untucking his shirt, Daichi was sitting him down on the edge of the unmade bed.

“Okay, Tiger, let me grab something real quick,” he said with a grin. Koushi leaned back on his elbows with a smile as Daichi went back to where their suitcases were dumped by the bathroom.

Daichi returned with Koushi’s tux to toss at him, his own shirt tucked back in.

“We’re going to be late Koushi. Kenji is going to have a fit.”

Koushi groaned flopping back on the bed.

“Daichi, you’re such a tease.”

It was an outdoor wedding, which could’ve been hit or miss with unpredictable summer weather but today was a hit, warm and sunny, the grassy area sprawling with a crowd that was a mixture of friends and strangers Koushi could only assume were Jazzmine’s family. Yui was the first person Koushi laid eyes on though, hair a little longer than she used to wear it, in a pretty coral colored dress, standing on her own looking for someone she knew. It’d been six months since he’d seen her last, since they’d made a mess of his and Daichi’s tiny kitchen making blueberry pancakes, staying up late talking on their second-hand couch, long after Daichi had fallen asleep tucked against Koushi’s side.

“Yui!” he called, catching her in his arms and lifting her up off the ground as she shrieked and whacked him in the head with her purse. When he’d set her down both of them still laughing, she’d craned her head around him to wave at Daichi. She kissed his cheek and left lipstick there, laughing in triumph at the scandalized look on Koushi’s face.

“Friendship over,” Koushi told her and she slapped him on the shoulder, before pressing her lips to his cheek as well.

“You’re dead to me,” Daichi told her and she laughed harder.

“Is he actually a preacher or whatever?” Yui whispered to Koushi later as they waited for the ceremony to begin. Yui and Daichi had saved seats relatively close to the front, and two extra beside them for Hajime and Oikawa who were, no surprise, running late.

“Contractually,” Koushi said glancing to Daichi who was wearing a crooked grin at Yui’s question, “I cannot reveal whether or not he was ordained on the internet.” Yui snickered at that. Then Takashi was calling the ceremony to order. “I’ve gotta go line up. Yui, do not run off with my boyfriend.” Yui saluted him, and then linked elbows with Daichi.

“Is your brother single?” she asked Daichi as Takashi took his position in front of the congregated people on the lawn. Takashi still had a bit of a limp when the weather changed but besides that and the scar at his hairline there was no evidence of the awful thing he’d lived through. Daichi was grateful.

“Far as I know,” Daichi answered her.

“He’s not as cute as you but…”

“Hey, hands off my baby brother,” he scolded her.

“What? Me? I would never,” she said batting her lashes at him. At this point Tooru and Hajime arrived, mid-argument, in smothered tones. Tooru was smiling cheekily at Hajime and kept trying to kiss his forehead. Yui smacked him in the shoulder and shushed him as a two piece set of strings started playing. Daichi turning his head to see Kei on the cello and Tadashi with a violin. He smiled at how much this place and people felt like home. The processing began, the wedding party two by two filtering down the center aisle.

“How’s California? How’s Koushi like it?” Yui whispered to him then. Tooru shushing her, she shrugged him off, waiting for Daichi’s answer.

“He likes it,” Daichi answered, “Though I think he gets homesick sometimes. I know he misses you.”

“What gave it away?” Yui asked with a smirk, “The fact that he calls me every day?”

Daichi laughed.

“How about the motel?” she asked a little more seriously.

“Sometimes,” Daichi said thoughtfully. When they’d bought their little house in the seaside town he’d suggested Koushi they open a bed and breakfast. The location was good, plenty of traffic through the area, the ocean. Koushi had laughed at him. _“No fucking way.”_

“I miss it too,” Yui said.

“I thought you were still working at a hotel?”

“Sure, Kuroo made me a manager at his big ass hotel here in Kansas City but it’s not the same, Daichi. You should know that.”

“I suppose.”

“I still can’t believe Marissa.”

“Hajime told me about. The tax fraud,” Daichi said glancing at Hajime, though at this particular moment he only had eyes for Tooru, the two of them still in some deep muffled argument.

“She was a bitch but I never would’ve thought she was pocketing all that money instead of fixing stuff up,” Yui said.

“Koushi was so mad when he found out,” Daichi said.

“Well, she got what was coming to her. Props to Tooru for catching it.”

“You’re welcome,” Tooru said pulling away from Hajime upon hearing his name and leaning into their conversation. “When Koushi gave me the financials, something just didn’t add up with what Marissa had told me.”

“Did Koushi show you the pictures?” Yui asked face lighting up, “Dumb question, of course he did.”

Daichi smiled at the memory. Koushi giddy and a little angry, over dinner, showing him the photos Yui had sent him on his phone when she’d last been home to visit her parents. The pool, new deck chairs, the office which was disappointingly bland now according to Koushi but no longer such an eyesore, shag carpet torn up, Ryu posing with a new coffee machine.

_“Look at this. Look what they did to my suite.”_

_“What is that?”_

_“Breakfast buffet,” Koushi growled but his eyes were bright, halfway smiling._

_“Next time we’re out that way we should stay a night.”_

_“Maybe. It won’t be the same though.”_

“It looks like a completely different place now,” Yui said bringing Daichi back to the ceremony.

“Hey Dai, there’s your honey,” Tooru said poking Daichi in the shoulder. They all turned around in their seats to watch Koushi marching solemnly down the center aisle with Jazzmine’s younger sister on his arm. Meeting Daichi’s eye, he winked, grinning broad. Daichi’s heart full.

“Isn’t he cute,” Yui cooed loud enough for Koushi to hear.

“Hey, shut up you two,” Koushi stage whispered at them around the shoulder of Jazzmine’s sister on his way by reaching out to mess up Yui’s hair. She swatted him off.

“Koushi,” Kenji’s low threat sounded from behind them, Koushi straightening up, lips pressed in a line trying not to laugh.

The sun was sitting low in the sky by the time vows were being said, the fairy lights strung up in the trees and tents were turned on, glimmering and winking like fireflies in the dusk. When Takashi asked the assembled crowd if there were any objections to speak now or forever hold your peace, Koushi stepped out of formation taking a big theatrical breath. Kenji whipped his head around to glare him into submission, Daichi halfway to his feet prepared to stop the fratricide about to happen. Yui coughed on a laugh as Koushi stepped back into line with a shrug, Jazzmine snickering into her bouquet.

“Was that your idea?” Oikawa asked Koushi about the lights as they went through the buffet line afterwards.

“No, Jazz planned all of it,” Koushi answered, “You know, we don’t all have the time to meddle in everyone else’s business.”

“My meddling is useful. Right Daichi?” Oikawa tipped his head over his shoulder. Daichi rolled his eyes.

“I suppose.”

“Shittykawa, stop pretending like you got Daichi published.”

“But I did, Iwa-chan.”

“He wrote the novel.”

“Okay, he wrote it but I got him the agent. I’m the benevolent giver of good fortune. So in a real way your house is paid off thanks to me. You’re welcome, Daichi, Suga-chan.” Koushi swung an arm around Oikawa’s neck trying to pull him down to muss up his hair.

“Thank you Oikawa-san. We’re so _grateful_.”

“Stop that, pipsqueak. Hajime, protect me.”

Hajime only laughed as Koushi dug his knuckles into Oikawa’s scalp.

“Hey, you’re holding up the line,” Kenji appeared in his tux, grabbing Koushi by the collar, rescuing Oikawa.

“Hi Ken, I was just teaching him a lesson,” Koushi complained trying to shake him off, Kenji sounded menacing but a smile was tugging at his mouth, “You gotta keep Oikawa in check or he gets too cheeky.” Kenji looked to Hajime who merely shrugged. The two of them had ended up spending a lot of time together, Jazzmine had gotten into a law program in Los Angeles, Hajime her mentor. Noisy Saturday night dinners in his and Daichi’s little kitchen the short drive up the coast. That first time Kenji had come over he’d frozen at the back window.

“You’ve still got them,” he’d gawked pointing at his mother’s gnomes scattered through their greenery. Koushi joined him at the window, bumping elbows.

“You’re welcome to one or two of them if you want.” Magnanimous, if he did say so himself. Kenji had laughed at that.

“No thanks, you can keep ‘em.”

“Those sound like fighting words.”

“God, no fighting tonight,” Jazzmine had groaned from the kitchen, “Daichi’s right in the middle of making dinner.”

“I’m not going to stop them,” Daichi argued back, “Let them fight. We’ll just eat without them.”

“Daichi, that’s mean,” Koushi complained retreating from the window, but Kenji stayed where he was at for a minute longer looking out at the army dispersed across the yard.

They’d all come to the dedication of Koushi’s first mural, in their little no name town, on the side of the library. The beginning of something good. The head librarian recommended him to her friend on a city council the next town over and before he knew it Koushi had jobs begin to line up as he shook off the rust. He and Daichi working shitty part time jobs in between until the publisher had picked up Daichi’s novel about the motel by the sea, with the clerk who Koushi did not recognize himself in anymore. A man unhappy. And maybe that had been him, maybe it still was, in the rocky moments. Except now he had Daichi beside him to help him figure out the shit with.

It’s not like it was all perfect all the time. They argued about chores and the right way to cook an egg, about what color to paint the living room, about the weather, about the best placement of garden gnomes in the yard. Silly arguments that didn’t always end up with Daichi kissing him speechless but sometimes. Other times it soaked in between them like flood waters, like weeds springing in their garden, eventually to be plucked out with apologies and compromises and maybe kisses. But for all the arguments, the dull moments, the occasional misunderstandings, there were a hundred stolen kisses, quiet comforts, laughing fits. Days Koushi wished would never end. Koushi was continually grateful for their relationship, for their friendship, the steady strength of it making impossible things seem possible. If he’d had to pick one person to start his life over with, it would always be Daichi.

When the music started Koushi vanished to the dance floor, he and Kenji engaged in some sort of combative attempt to out dance each other. Jazzmine appeared at Daichi’s elbow.

“Congratulations,” he told her, “how’s it feel?”

“Honestly not much different,” she said taking a sip of her wine, “Certainly hasn’t changed anything about Kenji.” The two Sugawara brothers circling each other on the dance floor like chickens about to fight, the dancers nearby giving them a wider berth, nervous looks.

“Should we stop them?” Daichi asked. Jazzmine laughed taking another drink.

“When has that ever worked?”

Daichi grinned.

“Good point.”

Later, exhausted, Koushi returned to Daichi.

“I’m about to collapse, Daichi,” he complained throwing himself into Daichi’s arms and refusing to stand up. Daichi staggered under his weight trying to hold Koushi upright.

“Use your legs or I’m going to drop you right now.”

“Daichiii, I can’t feel my legs,” Koushi complained. Daichi made as if to let go of him, dropping him a few inches, Koushi yelping and staggering to his feet. The DJ started up a slow song. Koushi elbowed him.

“You like this one right? Come on, you’ve done enough standing around,” Koushi said miraculously reenergizing and grabbing Daichi’s arm and dragging him onto the dance floor.

Daichi’s hands settled on Koushi’s waist, the music drifting through the dark, surrounded by their friends. Yui was chatting up Takashi, Hajime nearby obliviously engaging in their conversation. Tooru was at the bar collecting more drinks. He’d seen Saeko in passing, and Ryu and his out of state girlfriend who only had eyes for each other.

He did like this song, slow and soulful, one of the ones he would turn up on the radio when they were driving and Koushi would make a big show of exasperation at Daichi’s taste in music. But right now Koushi was looking into his eyes and Daichi could see all the stars reflected there. It hit him then that this was one of those moments he’d be holding onto until he died, one where everything felt right in the world, he and Koushi here, like this. For a long time, he’d had a hard time picturing forever, but when he was with Koushi it was always easy.

“What’re you thinking about?” Koushi asked leaning closer. Daichi smiled at him, thinking about the ring in his pocket and a moment sometime later, when it was quiet, when it was just them, about promises made and promises kept. But really what he was thinking more than that was that Koushi was handsome as fuck and what he wanted right at that moment was to kiss him until his knees went weak again.

“You.”

“What about me? Is it dirty?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know?”

Koushi snickered.

“Knowing you it’s probably something sappy, you’re a big hopeless romantic.”

“Like you aren’t romantic at all.”

“I’m plenty romantic, I’ve just got nothing on you,” Koushi answered laying his head against Daichi’s shoulder as Daichi pulled him closer. “Isn’t this nice, wouldn’t a June wedding be nice?”

“I don’t know, I’m not sold,” Daichi answered him. “Wouldn’t late September be better, on the beach, a big bonfire?”

“I do like bonfires.”

“You are absolutely not allowed anywhere near the bonfire at our wedding.”

Koushi giggled into his neck.

“One little bonfire mishap and I’m banned forever?”

“Yep, definitely.”

“But babe, you were so sexy with only one eyebrow,” Koushi continued to laugh.

“You weren’t laughing then.”

“I know, I know, I’m still sorry,” Koushi ceded. He’d cried when he’d burnt off Daichi’s eyebrow. Daichi leaned their foreheads together. Koushi smiled at him. “I love you either way, both eyebrows or not,” he said leaning closer brushing their noses together.

“How charitable of you.”

Koushi huffed a laugh and pressed their lips together. Daichi let himself get lost in it, Koushi’s arms around his neck, the music playing on, the murmur of voices, laughter from their friends. There was plenty of time to figure out the details. Plenty of time to savor more of this. Roads to drive, these warm shimmering moments, strung out between them like the stars overhead.

On the horizon the blue moon rose luminous.

.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !!!!  
> I hope we're all feeling good right now <3 <3 <3 
> 
> Thank you for reading and all the comments and support. Sometimes posting fic feels like shouting into a void and it's nice to know I'm not alone.
> 
> It took me so long to post the second chapter because I ended up rewriting the ending about three different times, (in one version Suga attempts a jewel heist to keep the motel. Marissa is blackmailed with her tax evasion. Kenji bails Koushi out of jail) But this ending was the best ending.
> 
> Shout out to my sister who's a lawyer and doesn't know about this story for answering all my questions about the questionable legality of various things. (Please don't drive with your sibling's license pretending to be them. Apparently this is just as bad as driving without a license if you get caught in the lie.)
> 
> Thank you again for reading. <3 <3 <3  
> I'm going to go sleep for a couple of months now
> 
> drop me a line below to let me know how you feel


End file.
